For some couples, friendship is reserved for friends, and romance is reserved for romantic partners. Building friendship love with your partner, however, can set the stage for a strong, lasting marriage.

Friendship is a type of relationship based on mutual support and companionship. While friendship has many different levels, it’s typically built on concepts of trust, respect, affection, and similarities between two or more people.

However, not all romantic relationships feature a strong friendship base. It’s possible to fall in romantic love with someone who doesn’t share many of your interests, for example, but with whom you share a strong physical and emotional connection.

By learning how to build friendship-based love into your marriage, you can add a new dimension of companionship and enjoyment that can boost your overall well-being.

Friendship love refers to a bond of affection and companionship toward another person based on dimensions of camaraderie, such as shared interests or similar ideals. It’s the love you have for another person when romantic feelings aren’t a factor (even if they’re present).

Though friendship love is sometimes used interchangeably with “platonic” love, Lynn Zakeri, a licensed clinical social worker from Chicago, explained the two aren’t exactly identical.

Zakeri said, “There are many similarities between friendship and platonic love.” She further explained that friendship love can coexist with romantic love and not be separated from it.

In other words, friendship love can be a part of romantic love, but platonic love refers specifically to non-romantic relationships.

Platonic love vs. romantic love

Platonic love is love in the absence of romantic feelings. Romantic love includes many of the same feelings as platonic love but adds elements like sexual attraction, intimacy, and exclusivity.

When you’re friends with someone, you care about their well-being and want to see them thrive in life.

Romantic relationships can feature aspects of friendship, but they’re primarily built on concepts of:

In a romantic relationship, you’re prioritizing your partner while incorporating elements of intimacy.

Friendship is beneficial across multiple areas of life, including marriage. Developing friendship love with your spouse can be incredibly rewarding.

“When the foundation of your marriage is built on a strong friendship, you’re setting yourself up for a fulfilling union,” says Joseph Cavins, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Mission Viejo, California. “The beauty of having friendship in marriage is that it naturally bolsters communication and trust.”

Cavins added that cultivating a friendship with your spouse means you’re continuously:

  • nurturing emotional intimacy
  • learning more about each other
  • keeping the relationship dynamic

He suggested that friendship can offer companionship and understanding, even after the honeymoon phase.

“It ensures that you can laugh together, face challenges as a team, and enjoy each other’s company without feeling like you’re walking on eggshells,” Cavin said.

One study from 2019 found people who are best friends with their partners have the highest levels of well-being — about double that of couples who aren’t best friends.

Friendship can be built, no matter how long you’ve been together with your partner.

Get to know them

Zakeri recommended taking intentional time to get to know your partner.

“We don’t learn about people unless we ask and are quality listeners,” she indicates. “Be curious. Do not look for arguments. Do not look to win. Just be curious what your partner is about, and why they are about that.”

To do this, she suggests by simply taking a short walk together and asking questions about each other’s day. Open up and share about your concerns, aspirations, and emotional states.

The more you learn about one another, the more common ground you’ll discover to build a friendship around.

Do things you both enjoy together

Many friendships center on shared interests and hobbies. If you and your spouse don’t currently share any interests, exploring activities neither of you tried before can be a great bonding experience.

“Whether it’s hiking, cooking a new dish, or starting a book club for two, these shared moments strengthen your connection,” says Cavins.

Support one another’s separate interests

Building friendship love in a marriage doesn’t mean throwing away individuality. It’s OK and important for your partner to nurture their solo interests. These are opportunities to focus on the support aspect of friendship love.

Support your spouse just as you would your friends when they’re achieving personal goals. Showing interest, offering emotional support, and performing small acts of kindness, are all examples of ways to show support.

Express gratitude

Friends appreciate one another, and friendship love in marriage is no different. Taking time to express gratitude can fortify feelings of affection, trust, security, and respect.

You can express gratitude verbally, or you can showcase it through actions. Thoughtful and kind acts go a long way to show your spouse that you value them and appreciate their place in your life.

Thoughtfulness doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, either. It can be as simple as making a cup of coffee for your spouse without being asked, or bringing them a snack while they’re working on a project.

Friendship love describes the affection you feel for friends, but it can also be found within romantic love.

Learning how to build friendship love with your partner can lay the foundation for an enriching, fulfilling, and companionable marriage.

Spending time getting to know one another, sharing new interests, and supporting one another in solo efforts are all ways to add this dimension to your relationship.