Low self-esteem can affect your perception of self-worth and willingness to trust in a relationship. This may make it difficult to navigate a healthy relationship, but it’s not impossible.
Dealing with low self-esteem can be difficult, especially when you’re trying to develop and maintain an emotionally healthy relationship.
Low self-esteem can negatively affect your sense of self-worth and your ability to express yourself openly. This can directly impact how you:
- overcome feelings of distrust
- provide emotional support to your partner
- establish and maintain personal boundaries
- cope with unhealthy behaviors within the relationship
Despite the challenges you may face during this time, it’s still possible to develop a loving relationship. Prioritizing self-love and practicing healthy communication can benefit your personal and relational well-being.
Low self-esteem can impact relationships by highlighting a lack of confidence and constant self-doubt. It can cause you to doubt your partner’s affection or intentions because of your perceived flaws.
Living with low self-esteem can make it hard to believe that love and value exist in your relationship. This can potentially lead to problems that interfere with having a healthy and supportive relationship.
According to Briana Sefcik, MS, LCSW, CSAT, and director of trauma and family wellness at The Last Resort Recovery Center, signs of low self-esteem include:
- being overly
self-critical - having trouble accepting compliments
- extreme jealousy
- constantly seeking reassurance or validation
- avoiding social situations or distancing themselves
- fear of failure
Low self-esteem is also characterized by:
- perfectionism
- being afraid of a challenge
- feeling like you’re unworthy
- often doubting your partner’s feelings or intentions
- fearing rejection
- feeling unlovable
Licensed Psychotherapist at D’Amore Mental Health, Gary Tucker, explained that “Low self-esteem may cause confusion, emotional distance or even conflicts.”
This may manifest in the following ways:
- constantly seeking validation from your partner
- taking personal offense to constructive criticism
- questioning your partner’s faithfulness due to insecurities
- withholding affection to protect yourself from vulnerability
- avoiding open communication to prevent
conflict or rejection
Low self-esteem can stem from many reasons. Identifying why you may feel unworthy can help your partner understand you better. Some of
- Childhood experiences: neglect, abuse, harsh criticism, or impossible standards
- Negative self-talk: often associated with negative thought patterns and hyper-focus on flaws
- Comparison: comparing yourself to others in terms of beauty, success, and popularity
- Past traumas: bullying, rejection, or negative peer influence
- Facing repeated failures academically or professionally
- Previous relationships: having a toxic relationship in the past
- Physical changes: weight fluctuations, aging, developing skin disorders
If you’re dealing with low self-esteem in relationships, you can find ways to strengthen and sustain your relationship. Some ways to deal with low self-esteem in a relationship include:
Communicate openly
According to
Resilience involves vulnerability, so it may take time. Consider communicating with your partner, trusted loved ones, or a mental health professional who can offer support in cultivating resiliency.
Expressing your thoughts and emotions to your partner can help them understand how they can support you in the relationship. It also allows them to offer reassurance and encouragement.
You may also discuss personal boundaries to clearly communicate what you will and will not accept. This can offer a framework for how someone can support you.
Prioritize self-care
Self-care is defined as the ability to care for yourself through awareness, self-control, and believing in yourself. It involves treating yourself with the kindness and respect you’d show your closest friends and loved ones.
Practicing self-care can improve self-esteem and potentially help you gain a sense of purpose.
Similar to practicing open communication, receiving support from your partner can
Consider exercising, engaging in your hobbies, or spending quality time with your friends and family. These are ideal ways to boost your self-esteem and minimize the impact on your relationship.
Talk with a professional
Low self-esteem can be hard to overcome, especially if it’s been an issue for many years. Talking with a professional might be a good option when you can’t seem to release the negative feelings, especially if they impact your daily life and relationships.
Psychotherapist Spencer Chernick encourages therapy by explaining, “We simply can’t know what we don’t know, so having the assistance of a different and trained perspective can do wonders in an individual or couples setting.”
A therapist can help you develop strategies for improving your self-esteem and limiting how it impacts your relationship.
Supporting your partner if they have low self-esteem
If your partner lives with low self-esteem, offering support can improve their perception of themselves. You may support your partner in the following ways:
- active listening
- tell them their strengths
- compliment them
- set realistic goals
- express appreciation
- ask for their input or guidance
- show interest in their passions and hobbies
- plan dates that make them feel special
- avoid comparing them to others
- use positive words
For further support, consider visiting our resource page on helping someone with low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can impact your relationship, potentially contributing to:
- jealousy
- insecurity
- trouble communicating
- a constant need for validation
When you understand the impact of low self-esteem on your relationship, you can find strategies that work for you and your partner. Low self-esteem doesn’t have to lead to the demise of your relationship, so consider trying these techniques to see what works for you.