Question: My fiancé won’t masturbate in front of me. I’ve told him that I enjoy watching him masturbate, but he says that he gets embarrassed.
Is there any way that I can get him to let me watch him masturbate? He masturbates quite frequently, and we’ve done everything else; he just won’t do this. Is it normal for him to be so embarrassed?
Given all of the negative messages we receive about masturbation while growing up, it is quite common to retain some elements of shame and embarrassment about this very natural and healthy activity. You should count yourself lucky for being so enlightened and comfortable with your sexuality and your partner that you find yourself able to masturbate so openly.
So yes, it is quite normal to be embarrassed about masturbation and many people feel embarrassed masturbating in front of others, even their romantic partner. There is nothing abnormal about your partner’s feelings, nor your reaction to them of wanting him to overcome this embarrassment.
I think the solution is here is to use a light touch (pardon the pun). All you can do is reassure your fiancé that there is nothing to be embarrassed about and that you would like to see him masturbate. But, beyond that, I think you need to give it time. If you yourself masturbate openly in front of him, that will go a long way in making him feel that this is nothing to be ashamed of.
He may always feel a little strange about masturbating in front of you, but there may be ways to lessen this feeling. For example, you might want to start by masturbating together with the lights out. Or, perhaps, you can ask him to tell you about a particularly memorable masturbatory experience. Eventually, he will probably come around.
Masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life, even while in a relationship or marriage. However, some people may want to keep their masturbation practices and activities private. We should work to understand but ultimately respect our partner’s privacy needs in this area, since it is such a sensitive topic and one where people may have established beliefs that conflict with our own.
Letting your partner to continue to masturbate on his own, in private, takes nothing away from the intimacy or enjoyment of your shared sex life together. Nor should you let it. Some people are simply more private when it comes to masturbation than others, and that’s perfectly okay.