Directing your anger toward someone or something other than its true source is known as displaced anger. Stress and ineffective communication styles can lead to an unwarranted display of this emotion.
It’s OK to feel angry. Anger is a natural emotion, and expressing it in controlled ways can be beneficial. However, directing your anger at undeserving targets often has negative consequences.
Displaced anger can damage romantic relationships, business partnerships, and family connections. It can hurt those closest to you, and it doesn’t help you address the underlying cause of your emotions.
If you experience displaced anger often or are exposed to it through a loved one, knowing how to handle those situations when they arise can help you cope.
Displaced anger, also known as displaced aggression, is anger directed at something other than its actual source.
An example might be coming home and yelling at your spouse because you’re angry that your boss made you stay late for work.
Displaced anger isn’t the same as venting to someone about a frustrating day. Displaced anger means you’re acting angry toward a person, animal, or object, even though they had nothing to do with the situation.
Displaced anger puts great strain on relationships. It can erode trust and break down effective communication. Loved ones may become resentful or distant, reluctant to engage with you because they can’t predict when your anger might surface.
“It’s not fun to be the recipient of someone’s anger, especially when it’s not even your fault,” says Dr. Michael Kane, a board certified psychiatrist and Medical Director at the Indiana Center for Recovery, Indianapolis, Indiana. “Displaced anger can cause tension, arguments, and hurt feelings in any type of relationship — romantic, platonic, or familial.”
He explains it often creates a toxic dynamic where one person feels like they’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid triggering the other person’s anger.
There are many reasons you might experience displaced anger, and having it happen occasionally is pretty common.
Michelle Beaupre, a licensed clinical social worker and Clinical Director at Villa Oasis in Ranch Santa Fe, California, indicates that a buildup of stress and frustration can be the catalyst for many people.
“When we are under a lot of pressure or dealing with difficult situations, the smallest things can trigger our anger and cause us to lash out at those around us,” she explains.
Beaupre also notes fear of confrontation can make a person seek a less intimidating target. “Sometimes, we may be angry at someone but avoid confronting them because we fear their reaction. In this case, our anger gets displaced onto other people or things that are ‘safer’ to direct it toward.”
Sometimes, displaced anger can stem from more deep-seated causes, like past trauma. Such experiences can create long-term challenges with self-esteem and confidence that make confronting the source of anger difficult.
Some mental health disorders may also contribute to displaced anger. Narcissistic personality disorder, for example, features a lack of empathy that can make it difficult to understand how anger affects others.
Recognizing displaced anger in yourself is the first step to effectively managing it. While improving this behavior can take time, it’s definitely possible.
Finding other outlets
Letting out your anger helps you process your emotions. In fact, even displaced anger expression
The goal, however, is to find ways to express anger without negatively affecting those around you.
Long-term strategies can include options like:
- meditation
- exercise
- journaling
- finding ways to relax and distract, like engaging in hobbies
Give yourself time to process the emotion
Rather than immediately letting anger out in any direction, it’s OK to take a moment to acknowledge the feeling and why it’s there.
“A tip I personally use is to analyze my emotions before acting on them,” Beaupre says. “Whenever I feel a very intense emotion, I try to take a step back and give myself a moment to process and understand it. Maybe I’ll go to another room and take a few deep breaths, do some cleaning around the house, or even write in my journal.”
Improve your communication skills
Learning to communicate what’s bothering you effectively and confidently can help you feel empowered to deal with anger at its source.
Kane suggests writing down your thoughts beforehand or practicing with a trusted friend or therapist. When you’re ready, have an open and honest conversation with the person who may be triggering your anger.
You can also try taking a class or learning more about:
- assertiveness
- conflict-resolution
- active listening
- perspective-taking
- anger management
Work with a mental health professional
When the causes of displaced anger come from trauma, mental health conditions, or other complex challenges, speaking with a mental health professional can help.
A therapist works with you to identify underlying sources of displaced anger and can help you develop more beneficial coping strategies.
Remove the stressors you can control
Eliminating stressors in your life you have control over can help you feel less overwhelmed by the stressors you can’t control.
You may consider focusing on improving unhelpful habits to reduce how they may impact your overall stress load:
- lack of sleep
- unhealthy diet
- physical inactivity
- substance misuse
How to deal with someone with displaced anger
If you’re the target of someone’s displaced anger, recommendations from Beaupre and Kane include:
- letting the person calm down before discussing the interaction
- setting boundaries for yourself, communicating them, and sticking to them (ex: “It’s not OK to take your anger out on me. When this happens, I’ll remove myself from the situation until we can talk calmly.”)
- don’t meet anger with anger
- do your best to respond with empathy and encourage a productive conversation (“I understand you’re upset. Did something happen during your day?”)
- being patient and understanding, but also expressing how their actions affect you (“I know you had a tough day, but when you speak to me like that, it makes me feel unloved.”)
Directing your anger at someone or something other than its source is called displaced anger.
Although anyone can display this behavior occasionally, habitual displaced anger can permanently damage every type of relationship in your life.
Recognizing displaced anger and addressing its underlying causes can help reduce its impact. Finding more beneficial releases for anger, managing controllable stressors, and speaking with a mental health professional are examples of options that can make a positive difference.