Threats of suicide should always be taken seriously, even if they’re used as a form of emotional control. If your partner threatens suicide, you can guide them to help without compromising your safety.

Suicide is the intentional taking of your own life. Most people who lose their lives to suicide exhibit warning signs. They might speak often about thoughts of death or dying, for example, or talk openly about wanting to end their life or having plans to die.

Not all suicide warning signs are apparent, but you should take any threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

Even if your partner regularly uses suicide as a way to manipulate you, you can still respond in a way that helps reduce their risk while also taking the responsibility of their decision off your shoulders.

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Suicide is a serious public health concern around the world, responsible for more than 700,000 deaths each year. All suicide threats should be taken seriously every time.

Some partners might use this threat to keep you in a relationship or steer your behaviors and choices. But treating the threat as genuine takes the pressure away from you to control the situation and lets emergency services take over.

Immediate steps to take include:

  • remaining calm and not leaving them alone
  • asking questions to determine the immediacy of the threat
  • calling 911
  • removing access to any items that could be used in self-harm
  • calling a support friend or family member to come over
  • contacting a crisis hotline (1-800-273-TALK (8255)) to provide support until emergency services arrive

If you don’t feel safe or comfortable remaining in the situation, get to a safe place and call 911. Prioritizing your safety is your number one concern. As difficult as it may be to leave, you’re not responsible for your partner’s decisions.

When suicide threats become a manipulation tactic, your partner likely uses such statements to get you to do what they want. But giving in reinforces that method of emotional control. Once it’s worked in the past, they know it will likely work in the future.

That doesn’t mean you should ignore a suicide threat, but it also doesn’t mean you should consent to all the demands your partner is making. Always stick to your immediate action steps — contact emergency services right away.

While you wait for assistance, the National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends upholding your boundaries by using statements like: “You know I care about you very much, and I understand you’re upset right now, but I will not _____.”

Involving emergency services is a consequence your partner has to confront if suicide threats are not sincere. Knowing you’ll call every time may reduce how often these threats are used as a manipulation strategy.

Guilt is a component of emotional abuse, and suicide threats can be a way of making you feel guilty. If your partner uses language like “If you did (or didn’t do) _____, I wouldn’t have to kill myself,” they may be using guilt to control your reactions.

Remember, a suicide threat should always be taken seriously, so follow your immediate action steps first.

To neutralize statements intended to use guilt as a way to manipulate you, you can utilize responses like:

  • “I want to support you, but discussing our relationship without threats is important.”
  • “We can figure out a solution together, but I can’t do _______.”
  • “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us.”

These statements help solidify your boundaries but still express your willingness to help. If your partner’s suicide threat appears to be sincere, emergency services should already be on the way.

Not every threat of suicide in a partnership comes from a desire to manipulate or control. Your partner may be experiencing significant life stress or may be living with a mental health condition like depression or borderline personality disorder.

If they’ve threatened suicide and you’ve already taken the immediate action steps, approach your partner from a place of support and compassion. Avoid statements that dismiss what they’re experiencing or trying to “solve” the problem.

Try focusing on the following types of statements:

  • Validation: “I know things are really tough right now.”
  • Non-judgmental: “I want to understand and help.”
  • Supportive: “We can find support together.”
  • Focus on immediate safety: “Let’s make sure you’re safe right now.”
  • Encourage professional help: “Would you be willing to talk with a counselor with me?”

Tell them you care about and are there for them, but don’t take responsibility for their actions.

Are you currently in crisis?

If you feel like you’re having a mental health emergency, you can:

If you decide to call an emergency number like 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health, like Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) officers.

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Suicide threats should always be taken seriously. And knowing what to do when someone threatens suicide can be applied to all situations, even when threats aren’t genuine.

In situations where a partner uses suicide threats as a way to control or manipulate you, following universal immediate action steps can prioritize their safety. Seeking professional support can also help reduce your feelings of guilt or responsibility that contribute to the cycle of abuse.

You aren’t responsible for the choices anyone else makes in life. For further guidance on supporting a loved one, consider visiting Psych Central’s resource page.

If you’re looking for additional resources, consider checking out Psych Central’s page on suicide prevention