No, we don’t take everything literally.
“Theory of mind” or “mind blindness” references an inability to intuit the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of others. Mind blindness is most often applied to people on the spectrum, but that’s a “mind blind” perception of the way we work. Mind blindness is a real thing, and some people do have it. Sure, even some people on the spectrum have it, but it’s a consequence of other factors, like complex trauma or personality disorders, and not an innate trait of autism.
Aspies do have a natural code that is intuitive, and so we get along quite well with each other and understand each other. We just have a different code from NTs. Our neurology has caused us to perceive things differently and think differently. Knowing these differences makes the world and NT-ND interactions much easier. It’s helped me to not be so at-odds with humans.
One pervasive difference I’ve noticed is that my brain’s reward centers crave to examine the hell out of everything in the universe, learning the origins, studying the cultural history, considering the current obsession du jour’s applications across various contexts, etc. To me, it’s exciting. This is how I have fun.
At the end of one of these random research excursions, I will have increased my knowledge in multiple, disconnected fields by tying them all together within the framework of one interesting prompt. It might take me seconds to move past something new and interesting, or it might take me days. I often realize that I missed the main point of something someone was trying to tell me several hours after the conversation ends because my brain derailed when they said something fascinating, out of context, or metaphorical.
So, as I look back on my life and all those times when I saw my conversational partner’s eyes glaze over with boredom or their pupils begin to widen with anxiety, I now am able to apply those differences within the context of Asperger’s. Most people don’t want to examine everything. Most people do not want to examine much of anything, and their brains do not find this collaborative examination to be enjoyable. To most people, it’s barely tolerable in small doses. Socrates, of the The-unexamined-life-is-not-worth-living fame, got on his neurotypical townsmen’s nerves with this unrelenting aspie questions to a degree that he was given two options: drink this goblet of poison and just kill yourself, or stop asking so many damn questions.
He chose the hemlock. So would I. That’s how much it means to me to be able to break down and examine everything. I do not enjoy interaction that doesn’t involve doing this, or that makes me feel like it’s not even an option.
And as a tangent, because that’s how my conversational word salad works– It’s not that I can’t understand metaphors or interpret them, but I can’t move on until I interpret it. And, this might mean instead of feeling confident that I know what a metaphor means, I come up with twenty interpretations for it, consider how it would mean for different people with different perspectives, consider the meaning between the meaning, why a metaphor was used specifically at that time, and what caused the narrator to want to compare those two things specifically.
When I write fiction, every word is a metaphor or an allusion to something else, or to many things. There are tiers and levels of meaning there, and most people won’t ever be able to peel them back or connect the dots. Everything relates to everything else. This is exhausting to some, but my brain does this automatically. It’s how I’m wired. To say that aspies interpret things literally is to undermine how complicated and alive our thoughts are.
But, back to the topic at hand. I’d be convinced that the other person in a conversation would be equally enthusiastic to hear what I had learned about an idiom’s etymology, be enlightened about a historical fact, or start a side discussion any time someone interjected one of these turns of phrases. I was wrong… usually.
The current tests to assess for Asperger’s are unreliable for measuring these nuances.
Thus, I propose the following as an informal indicator to measure whether or not someone is an aspie. You will need two people to administer this test: an examiner to use an idiom in a conversation, and an actor to interrupt the examiner. Below is the indicator:
As I wrote this blog, I decided to message some friends and see how they would respond. It was 2:00 am when the inspiration struck, so even if beyond 90% of my friend list is neurotypical, of course the only friends awake were aspies. I sent a few messages. I was not mid-conversation with anyone, there was no context, and what is transcribed is exactly how I started the conversation. There were no hellos, no how are yous, no I’m-writing-a-blog-and-need-input disclaimers. I just went straight to it:
Me: you up?Aspie 1: YupMe: haha, we never sleepMe:if someone is talking to you, and the phrase “never look a gift horse in the mouth” were to come up in the conversation, what would happen to your internal dialogueAspie 1:I would visualize it and then every idiom with horses would flood my mind. I would get overwhelmed and then just nod like I wasn’t lost. Later, I would google it.Me:ahahhahahaaaaaaa okay. good to knowAspie 1: I know what a lot of idioms mean, but that one . . . And the putting the horse before the cart get all twisted together . . .Aspie 1:Or is it a euphemism?Me: hahahaaaaaaa you mean the cart before the horse?Aspie 1: Maybe!!!Me: AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAspie 1:No wonder it never made sense!Aspie 1: It makes sense in that order.Aspie 1: I wonder if my mom said it backwards . . . My bestie says it backward!! I was always like, wait . . . Don’t we want the cart behind the horse? This would be my inner dialogue every time.Me:AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’M DYING
Me: Dude, when you hear, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth,” what’s your internal dialogueAspie 2: Checking it’s teeth to make sure it’s a good horse will make you realise that people don’t give good horses as gifts
[ The reason this is so hilarious to me is that he is so cynical. He asserts that people will only gift their unwanted items ]
Me: LmfaoooooooooooAspie 2: why? That’s where the saying is fromMe: Not exactly lmaoMe:But yours is way betterMe: Omg i can’t breatheAspie 2: No it really is where the saying is fromMe: I’m wheeze laughingMe: It’s more like don’t be picky about the gifts you receive. Just accept it and be grateful it was freeAspie 2: yes and that’s from checking the teeth of horses to check how old they are dude……Me:I know thatAspie 2: okay goodAspie 2: juuuust checkingMe:The part that’s so funny is that you interpreted it as “people don’t give away their good horses”Me: You’re such a misanthropic aspieAspie 2: I interpreted it as “be grateful for the gifts you receive” but I explained where the saying is from as that’s where my mind goes upon hearing the sayingAspie 2: which was your original questionAspie 2: not “what does this saying mean”Me:This keeps getting more hilariousMe:I’m going to show you whyMe: One minuteAspie 2: it’s a question from raadsr?
[ The RAADS-R is a screening tool for Asperger’s ]Me: Now I’m about to need oxygen. Omg *ceases to live* ____________________________
Me: you up?Aspie 3: MostlyMe:I will not turn on your brain further thenAspie 3: I’m chilling on my couch listening to my honeys play magicAspie 3: Stimulation would be good now… Please doMe:Okay, hahaMe:if someone is talking to you, and the phrase “never look a gift horse in the mouth” were to come up in the conversation, what would happen to your internal dialogueAspie 3: I’d get slightly distracted by the phrase and probably get annoyed at whoever was trying to make me feel guiltyMe: hahaMe: okayMe: that’s an awesome responseAspie 3: What’s a gift horse, anyway?Me:ahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaMe: right!?Me: like, who even wants a horse?Aspie 3: I like horses but they’re for rich peopleMe: can’t nobody afford horse maintenanceMe: hahaa jinx
[ several minutes elapse ] Me: are you still thinking about gift horses?Aspie 3: I’d imagine this is an old timey thing where presents came in the mail by horseMe: in the mail!?!?!? i can’t breathe, haha
[ This is extremely funny to me because I read this and immediately thought that he meant someone was mailing a horse via horse. It did not occur to me that I was the one who interpreted this hyper-literally until re-reading it ]
I asked my aspie husband at dinner today, and he said without hesitation, Id probably tune out and immediately start trying to figure out where the idiom had its roots, you know? Like, at what juncture in history was it customary to give old horses as gifts?
My aspie friends knew exactly what I meant, without context or asking for clarification. It made sense to them. When I asked NTs, though, things were interesting. Mostly, because they knew I was an aspie and a writer, they started guessing why I was asking or if it had something to do with autism. Just about everyone needed examples, context, and explanation. No NT said that hearing that comment would cause them to get sidetracked and lose focus. Three out of 7 NTs admitted to being suspicious of the question itself and the motives of the hypothetical person in the scenarios and examples.
So, what’s the point?
I guess several inferences could be made about this odd experiment in the social interchanges of aspies and neurotypicals.
1. Aspies are not “mind blind,” and they do have a common language. They can intuit each other quite easily. 2. Aspies are much more complicated than just “taking things literally.” They all know that something out of context in speech will cause them to focus on and interpret that thing until they’ve figured it out. 3. Aspies all had a similar response to other aspies; NTs all had a similar response to other NTs. We know the same words but speak very different languages. 4. Aspies have a similar sense of humor, and one that, if you’re NT, will likely not find so humorous.
What are your thoughts or insights?