We're all guilty of not listening at one point or another in our lives. We tune others out while we're watching the TV, or trying to concentrate on something we're reading. Nowadays, we try hard to multi-task between twitter and texting, but inevitably that means we're not always listening to someone who's trying to talk to us. Believe it or not, listening is a skill just like writing or playing football is. That's good news, because it also means you can learn to listen and be with the person who's talking to you when they're talking to you. In the meantime, it helps to understand some of the reasons we don't listen. By identifying those reasons that ring true, you can then work on improving your ...

Not everyone finds expressing their feelings easy or having it come naturally. While the stereotype is that men have the hardest time expressing their emotions, everyone at one time or another in their life may find it difficult to say how they feel. Learning why you have trouble expressing your feelings can go a long way into changing that behavior. Saying how you feel is something you can learn how to do, just as readily as you can learn how to fix a faucet or mend a button on a shirt. Here are ten common reasons why people find it difficult to express their emotions to someone else. 1. Conflict Phobia You are afraid of angry feelings or conflicts with people. You may believe that people with ...

There are many ways that a therapist might work with someone to help them overcome their fears, a phobia (like being afraid of snakes) or having a panic attack (where a person feels their heart beating, they are short of breath, and feel like they might die). Many therapists use what are called cognitive-behavioral techniques to help a person gain control over these kinds of irrational fears. You can also learn more about these techniques on your own, and through self-help books. Keep in mind that not every technique is appropriate for every kind of concern or every person -- some may work better than others for you. If you fail at one, don't despair; it means you should either try again until you succeed ...

People often seek therapy when they feel overwhelmed, out of control, or unable to take positive action. They think they come to figure things out and may not know that psychotherapy can make you stronger. Making decisions and following through isn't simple willpower. How Does This Work? Life confronts us with unexpected challenges, like a global recession that drives good companies out of business. This becomes your problem when you discover that your employer of 20 years is shutting down next week. Your world has just turned upside down. You don't know what to do. You catch your breath and find yourself with scary choices. Do you abandon your career? Take any job you can find? Go back to school for more training? Move to a ...

Cognitive distortions have a way of playing havoc with our lives. If we let them. This kind of "stinkin' thinkin'" can be "undone," but it takes effort and lots of practice -- every day. If you want to stop the irrational thinking, you can start by trying out the exercises below. 1. Identify Our Cognitive Distortion. We need to create a list of our troublesome thoughts and examine them later for matches with a list of cognitive distortions. An examination of our cognitive distortions allows us to see which distortions we prefer. Additionally, this process will allow us to think about our problem or predicament in more natural and realistic ways. 2. Examine the Evidence. A thorough examination of an experience allows us identify the ...

What's a cognitive distortion and why do so many people have them? Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions -- telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves. For instance, a person might tell themselves, "I always fail when I try to do something new; I therefore fail at everything I try." This is an example of "black or white" (or polarized) thinking. The person is only seeing things in absolutes -- that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at all things. If they added, "I must be a complete ...

Older people cared for in specialized geriatric hospital units tend to decline at a slower pace than those given conventional hospital care, recent research suggests. Aging brings a certain amount of natural deterioration in cognitive performance, which can interfere with normal activities. However, in previous studies, a more powerful indicator of poor medical outcomes is "functional decline." Functional decline has been defined as "a reduced ability to perform tasks of everyday living, for example, walking or dressing, due to a decrement in physical or cognitive functioning." Up to half of geriatric patients have either loss of or reduced ability in at least one activity of daily living. The decline can begin as early as the second day in hospital. Dr. Leocadio Rodriguez-Manas and colleagues from Getafe Universitary Hospital ...

"I'm so afraid I'm going to blow it." The niece of a friend of mine, 24 and pregnant, confided to me while we were out walking last weekend. "I mean. I'm just figuring out my own life. How am I going to be a great parent?" My heart goes out to her. I've heard those same words, or words like them, from more young mothers and fathers than I can count. Sometime after the initial excitement and joy, sometime amidst telling family and friends, planning where to put the crib, and the figuring out possible names, most expectant parents are struck with the realization of the enormousness of the changes ahead. For first-time parents especially, the reality hits that they are not only ...

I started going to yoga classes when I was a sophomore in college. This was in 1995, so the yoga craze had not yet begun. I didn’t know much about yoga, but liked the idea of it. Back then I was more open to “new age” sorts of things and in my mind, yoga fit that. My college yoga classes took place in a dance studio at my university. It was my first experience with entering a room and immediately removing my shoes. I recall finding it to be a little strange. The room was long, skinny, and brightly lit. Cushioned gym mats lined the floor from wall to wall. We practiced our yoga on these gym mats; ...

Learning that you have an anxiety disorder may bring relief (finally having a name for your struggles), more questions (why me?) and more worry (not knowing what to do next). The good news is that anxiety disorders are among the most treatable. According to Peter J. Norton, Ph.D, Director of the Anxiety Disorder Clinic at the University of Houston and co-author of The Anti-Anxiety Workbook, anxiety disorders have success rates that make other researchers jealous. The key is to get the right treatment and stick with it. Here’s a look at what effective treatment entails, including the ins and outs of psychotherapy and medication, plus tips for finding a qualified therapist, managing panic attacks and more. Common Misconceptions Anxiety disorders aren’t that serious. ...

My best friend and I joke that when we were kids we never knew what our homes looked like in daylight. As soon as we got home from school; as soon as we changed our clothes (yes, I know that's a quaint idea these days); as soon as we had maybe a glass of milk, it was expected we would be out until dinnertime. The only permissible reasons to go inside were to go to the bathroom, to get a toy, or to get a sweater. Anything that lasted more than 3 minutes was suspect and quickly earned "the look"—that look from a parent that means "What are you doing inside and do I really have to speak to you?" Weather didn't matter. Short of a ...

When human rights activist Terry Waite spoke recently in support of Gary McKinnon, the noted Pentagon hacker, it made quite a stir. Waite is a former Beirut hostage, imprisoned for four years in Lebanon in the 1980s. Waite told the press that the U.S. should thank McKinnon for “exposing the fragility” of the Pentagon’s computer system. Waite does not condone McKinnon’s illegal Internet activity. However, he does believe that McKinnon should not be held to the same standards as other international criminals because he suffers from the developmental disorder Asperger Syndrome. Other celebrities and legal experts also have announced their backing of McKinnon, but Waite’s statements have more emotional appeal, considering the personal trauma he endured as a hostage. Should McKinnon, a UK citizen, be ...

Do you ever wonder why you don’t dream when you sleep? The truth is, if you are getting proper amounts of sleep in proper time periods, and not taking medications or using alcohol or illegal substances, you are dreaming. You just don’t remember them unless they wake you. Stages of Sleep Wakefulness includes Gamma, High Beta, Mid Beta, Beta Sensory Motor Rhythm, Alpha, and Theta brain waves. Our composite brain wave, that is, what you would see if you had an EEG (electro-encephalo-graph, or picture of the electrical activity in your brain), would be made up of many of the brain waves named above, all at the same time. Stage One When we are preparing to drift off, we go though Alpha and Theta, and have periods ...

Yesterday I quit therapy. This was a big decision; one I thought long and hard about. Psychotherapy has always been helpful, but I simply didn’t want to go anymore. My sessions had ceased covering tragic life events, occupational crises, my childhood, and my parents. Therapy had become a place where I discussed everyday trivialities. These trivialities were still important topics in my life – how to make more money, where to take my career, and how to best deal with relationships – but they did not seem worthy of going to a therapist to discuss. In my session yesterday, I talked about how glad I was that I had mopped my kitchen floor. Seriously? I had so ...

In the second half of our interview, Sari Fine Shepphird, Ph.D, clinical psychologist and author of 100 Questions & Answers about Anorexia Nervosa, offers important information about eating disorders and their treatment. For more information about Shepphird and her book, please visit her website. Q: Can you talk about the warning signs for eating disorders? A: Some of the more obvious signs include: the person avoids eating with others; starts to restrict the types of foods they eat (not just the quantity); becomes secretive (e.g., is evasive when asked what they had for lunch); skips meals; makes frequent trips to the bathroom after meals; starts to exercise excessively; begins to weigh themselves frequently; makes negative comments about their own bodies or other people’s bodies; ...