I believe it was the poet Thom Gunn who said “ The longer people are dead, the more our relationship with them changes.” In Confessions of a Former Child: A Therapist’s Memoir I write about the evolving relationship with my wife and daughter, my patients and my parents. But my parents have passed on. So how is it that thoughts and feelings about the people who affected us the most, particularly the negative feelings, can morph into something different? As a psychologist and psychodramatist I use role-playing to untangle some of the pain in relationships, particularly when the other person, either through death or circumstance, isn’t available. Below is an excerpt from my memoir from the essay The Smoke Clears. It is a ...   Read more »

Bipolar disorder is the modern term for mood swings that used to be called manic depression. It is a fairly common yet serious mental illness, affecting between one and five per cent of Americans of all ages. Unfortunately there is usually a delay of several years before the diagnosis is made. Bipolar disorder has no known cure. The likelihood is that the individual will need long-term medication and ongoing support. But if it is well managed, with help from family, friends, support groups and health professionals, the person with bipolar disorder can lead a productive and satisfying life: many people with bipolar disorder are married, have families, work, study and pursue pastimes of their choice. Advances in drug therapy together with new approaches to non-medical treatment are ...   Read more »

Could your diet be causing you to feel irritable and upset with others? At least one research believes there's a direct link between our diet and our emotions. "It's called the 'Atkins attitude,' " says Judith Wurtman, director of the Women's Health Program at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and the Adara Weight Loss Center, both in Boston. "It's very well-documented." People who avoid certain foods or are reducing their food intake are famous for irritability, but many who are testing low-carbohydrate approaches like Atkins and the South Beach Diet are reporting unusually high feelings of anger, tension and depression. Wurtman, who advocates a diet high in complex carbohydrates for weight loss and stress relief, says her studies on rats have shown a connection between a diet ...   Read more »

While biology tells us that negative emotions are fundamentally human and difficult to eradicate, they can nevertheless be modified. Human brains developed to identify risks and dangers in the face of adversity. Consequently, negative thinking is deeply ingrained in the human psyche. At least that's the belief of happiness "guru" Professor Martin Seligman, who has made positive psychology the focus of his work. So what's the evidence for his view? Seligman says, "Because our brain evolved during a time of ice, flood and famine, we have a catastrophic brain. The way the brain works is looking for what's wrong. The problem is, that worked in the Pleistocene era. It favored you, but it doesn't work in the modern world." Experiments show that human beings remember failures more clearly ...   Read more »

Within my most powerful episodes of depression, I would awake each morning, shower, apply makeup, and attempt to create a fabulous outfit. My worst appearance offense during these periods would be to go out in public in a pair of bright pink sweatpants with a hooded sweatshirt — but the makeup and hair were always done. I would do what was required of me — attend work, my internship, and classes. At school, I focused on the blackboard through tears, isolating myself from my classmates by default. None of them, I would learn later on, wanted to talk with me because my facade was intimidating. They said I looked like I didn’t want to be bothered. When I did ...   Read more »

In today's communications landscape — where Internet access is readily available and advertising for prescription medication — it is no surprise that many patients are using online pharmacies. There are many benefits to this type of drug distribution: Disabled or homebound patients can have their medications conveniently delivered to their homes. Shoppers enjoy a certain level of discretion and anonymity. The selection of products is vast. Medications can be easily researched and compared, and computers can quickly catch potentially dangerous interactions. But there are also drawbacks to buying medications online. A study released July 9th by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University found that most websites selling prescription opioids, stimulants, and depressants do not require a legal prescription. ...   Read more »

It seemed as if I had finally made it. I had a management job at a growing company. This included my own office, a very nice desk, travel, a corporate credit card, a good salary, and an assistant. I worked directly with the company’s executives to generate policies and increase sales. I worked hard and my contributions were recognized. The scenario I was living was one that I was supposed to want. I had always thought that you got a job in a particular field, then you worked hard, climbed the ladder, and eventually “made it.” Even though I didn’t know what “making it” actually meant, I thought it was the way things worked. This was the path to ...   Read more »

Most people who have heard of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder assume it’s strictly a diagnosis for excessively rowdy kids. But although symptoms begin to appear in childhood, they don’t automatically disappear at age 18. In fact, as more research into the disorder is conducted, more adults are realizing that they have it, too — and have, in some cases, for decades. Those whose ADHD went undiagnosed until well into adulthood often share a troubling set of symptoms. They include: Inconsistent performance at work and frequent job loss Academic and career underachievement Inability to manage routine household chores Difficulty in personal relationships because of forgetfulness, inattentiveness or being quick to anger over minor issues Chronic stress and worry caused by failure to meet goals and fulfill responsibilities Deep feelings of ...   Read more »

Food is getting more and more expensive. Gas is over $4 a gallon and airfares are out of sight. That family vacation you've been looking forward to all year seems to be getting further and further out of reach. The choice between a winter's worth of heating oil or a week-long stay at the beach is really a no-brainer. But the part of you that really, really wanted a change is not at all happy with the decision to stay home. It's hard to change plans. It's hard not to be resentful. It's even harder to feel like we're letting our kids down when they've been counting on returning to a favorite lake or amusement park that has been the family vacation routine for years. ...   Read more »

It’s a teddy bear picnic. There are cardboard bear tracks leading to the backyard. The table, the paper cups and plates, and the napkins are festooned with bears. There are teddy bears dressed in their bear best seated throughout the yard. There’s even a life-sized Smoky the Bear cardboard cutout in the middle of the lawn. This birthday party is an extravagance of bears. A dozen young guests arrive clutching their own teddy bears and their mom’s hands. But, where’s the birthday girl? Three-year-old Bethany is in meltdown. She’s crying in the kitchen and won’t come out, despite coaxing and pleading from mom and grandma. The buildup of the last few days has left her wired. The expectations in the air have overwhelmed her. Meanwhile, Mom ...   Read more »

People are often sad or lonely at certain times in their life, such as after a breakup in a relationship or losing a loved one. And after such a loss, often our concentration and memory can be negatively affected. These are normal reactions to loss and usually resolve on their own over time. But if you're sad and lonely for no reason, and suddenly find that your concentration or memory is slipping, you may have something else -- depression. These are a handful of symptoms most commonly a sign of depression, a serious mental health concern that is characterized by having the majority of the following: Having a depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, such as feeling sad, lonely or ...   Read more »

Americans seem more confused than ever about the role of fathers in children's lives. On the one hand, more and more fathers are absent for all or significant periods of time. According to the 2006 Census, 23 percent of children under 18 do not live with their biological father and the number is climbing. On the other hand, search "fatherhood" on the web and you'll find dozens of websites dedicated to teaching, encouraging, and supporting men in becoming more nurturing and involved fathers. Meanwhile, many TV sitcoms and animated shows continue to portray dads as dolts or, at best, well-meaning but misguided large children whose wives have to mother them as well as their offspring. If an alien in another universe happens to ...   Read more »

Resilience may be an art, the ultimate art of living, but it has recently been subjected to the scrutiny of science. This much is known so far. At the heart of resilience is a belief in oneself — yet also a belief in something larger than oneself.

Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.

Experts argue among themselves about how much of resilience is genetic. People do seem to differ in their inborn ability to handle life's stresses. But resilience can also be cultivated. It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and

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While many people face serious psychological problems or mental health issues, far more people just have simpler concerns that are of the more garden-variety type. A person may be a little lonely from time to time, suffer from insecurity or self-esteem issues, or just feel stressed. These everyday concerns are neither life-threatening, nor do they rise to the level of needing professional help. So what's a person to do?

Many emotional problems are learned, mainly from parents, teachers, peers and the media. Therefore people can unlearn these patterns on their own. In many cases, professional help can become redundant or even counterproductive. Once people realize that they play a crucial role in overcoming their problems, self-help becomes a highly effective option.

Most people with mental aliments are

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Now here's a topic that's guaranteed to raise the ire of those who are committed to either position. I've enjoyed the impassioned debate, largely because I'm thrilled to see people on both sides who are committed to their children's nutrition. I'm concerned, however, when parents are made to feel like failures if they do not follow a particular approach.

Both sides have been guilty of such cruel propaganda. Adamant breast milk advocates have warned (inaccurately) that bottle-fed babies do not emotionally bond to their mothers as well. (This has been especially painful to adoptive mothers and others who, for biological reasons, cannot nurse their babies.)

Infant formula manufacturers have told mothers in third-world countries that breast milk wasn't as good for their babies as the commercial product

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