Dr. Deb had a good entry a week ago about how to ask for help, specifically the common myths and facts about “asking for help.”
Myth: It makes us look vulnerable.
Truth: Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment. It communicates to others that, while you may not have the answers, you are willing to find them and make things better. [...]
Myth: Highly successful people never ask for help.
Truth: Actually, successful individuals will tell you that the key to success is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Learning how to delegate, asking for help and letting others show you the way are part of the plan. Successful people are driven and motivated — and when the going gets tough, the tough ask for help!
I couldn’t agree more with that last one. The most successful people I know are ones who know what they’re good at and then surround themselves with people who are good at everything else. They readily acknowledge when they don’t know something and instead of pretending they know it, they ask questions to try and educate themselves.
I think the number one reason why people don’t ask for help is simply fear. Fear that others will judge them for seeking help, fear that others will see them as weak or damaged. This fear is the same kind of fear that holds many people back in their lives.
But fear, like any emotion, can be overcome. It takes effort and work, but if you conquer this fear, you can seek out help and improve your life or situation. Every journey begins with a first step. Takes yours today.
Read the full entry: Dr. Deb: How To Ask For Help
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Links to This Article
Asking For Help (8/11/2008)
The power of the junior on the team « Paircoaching’s Weblog (10/9/2009)
6 Comments to
“Asking For Help”
I think asking for help comes naturally to women, but with men it’s far different. Men feel that if they ask for help they will be perceived as weak and unnecessary. The classic example is of a man and woman who are driving around in a car lost and the man refuses to stop the car and ask for directions. I think it’s also the reason why there must be more women in therapy than men.
Wendy Aron, author of Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness
http://www.wendyaron.com
I agree with the comment that “It makes us look vulnerable” MAY be a myth in SOME situations, in other cases the vulnerability is the truth rather than the myth.
Great article. I’ve written a book about this very thing!! Entitled Help is Not a Four-Letter Word: Why Doing It All is Doing You In published by McGraw Hill. I identify a NEVER BEFORE DISCUSSED self-defeating behavior I call The Self-Sufficiency Syndrome and the person a Self-Sufficient.
Since the book came out - I have spoken at many conferences, done 67 radio interviews, several TV interviews etc. and what I’m finding is that this is a near epidemic! Not only do many have difficulty asking for help but they also can’t delegate because no one else can do it as well.
I talk about what it is - where it came from and what we can do about it.
I would be happy to send you a book if you’d like to read more.
Peggy Collins
Speaker, Trainer, Author
http://www.helpisnotafourletterword.com
peggy@helpisnotafourletterword.com
John,
It would be refreshing to hear someone from our profession fess up and speak to the barriers that we create which prevents folks from accessing professional help.
- Avrum
Guess what: If you’re in a highly competitive environment, asking for help DOES make you seem weak in the eyes of others. It may be true that it’s GOOD to ask for help so you can do things right, but in highly competitive environments where others are constantly vying for the place you’ve achieved for yourself, perceptions matter and asking for help provides a perception of weakness, not to mention an opportunity to lead you astray.
and asking for help provides a perception of weakness, not to mention an opportunity to lead you astray.
Working in mental health, I’ve never had to encounter those environments. Though many of my friends work in Commerce, and they would agree with your observation.
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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Aug 2008
