The other weekend, I was trying to remember something I’d read in Tyler Cowen’s book, Discover Your Inner Economist: Using Incentives to Fall in Love, Survive Your Next Meeting, and Motivate Your Dentist.

And I looked it up — so interesting!

Sometimes when we ask a question, we know that people might be reluctant to give a true opinion. Maybe they’re worried about angering someone else, or appearing unsophisticated, or admitting what they actually think or do.

Tyler Cowen made an observation that I think is absolutely fascinating, and one that provides one clever solution to this non-disclosure problem. Click through to read what it is.

Sometimes when we’re exhausted, we gravitate toward activities that drain us even more. Or we think we don’t deserve to take a break, so we ignore our body’s whispers for rest. But only in helping ourselves can we help others and do good work.

Just in time for the long Memorial Day weekend, here are 20 ways that can truly help you relax, refresh and recharge.

And, if you don’t think you have the time to unwind, don’t worry! Many of these activities take just a few minutes.

Raise your hand or nod at the screen if you’ve ever been distracted from the present moment. Something tells me I’m not in the minority. Instead of taking in what’s going on in this moment, for example, my mind is somewhere else. I’m Catastrophizing about an event that hasn’t happened yet or worrying about what I said yesterday.

If you’ve ever spent time thinking, “I wonder if…” or “Why didn’t I?” you’re guilty of the same thing. The key isn’t solving those unanswered questions. The key is catching yourself mid-moment and realizing if you have the space to let your mind wander, you’re probably in a good place. Enjoy where you are right now.

How do you do this when worries, anxiety and illness threaten your peace of mind?

You practice patience, self-compassion and during moments when you’re not able to cope, you ask for help. Sometimes it takes sharing your story with a compassionate friend. Other times it takes giving yourself a break. Maybe knowing that you’re not alone helps. These posts will give you a little bit of everything. Read it and let it return you to the potential peace of this moment.

{Flickr photo by RelaxingMusic}

This guest article from YourTango was written by Jamie (Simkins) Rogers.

I’ve been feeling nostalgic since the recent death of Dr. Joyce Brothers the other week. I grew up watching Brothers on shows like Donahue and The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson while my grandmother crocheted afghans beside me.

I knew I wanted to be a therapist from a very young age, having analyzed my own familial relationships ad nauseum (I was a weird kid). Back then, I loved Dr. Brothers’ wit, grace, class and charm.

Today, I respect her as the rarity she was during her prime: an accomplished female in the field of psychology.

When working with depressed people, I’m amazed at how often there’s a theme of self-neglect. When I ask them about how they treat themselves, or what they do to care or have love for themselves, often I get the same strange look while they utter the same words: “Why would I love myself?”

I’m not saying it’s everyone — but many people have little sense of what it means to have love and acceptance for one’s self. I’m not talking about loving one’s self to the point of narcissism. That’s an entirely different thing, but often people think that’s what self-love is.

They’ll often tell me, “but that’s being selfish.” No, it’s not! It’s being selfish not to love yourself.

Depression often happens when people conclude they’re not good enough, or a failure. Most people I’ve worked with who are depressed are hard on themselves to the point of recklessness. The amount of pressure they put on themselves to be all things to all people means they spread themselves so thin that they have absolutely no time to care for themselves.

Doing things for others doesn’t make you happy. How you perceive yourself for doing things for others means you feel happy. There is a difference. Most depressed people I’ve worked with are conscientious, thoughtful, and like to help others, which is great. But they often do it to feel good about themselves because they have limited ability to feel good about …

For as long as Viagra has been on the market for men (1998, if you’re keeping tabs), scientists have been hard at work trying to find a female equivalent. What will make women as horny as men on Viagra?

The answer has been elusive. That’s probably because sexuality isn’t just about blood flow to your sexual organs, but also the blood flow to your primary sexual organ — your brain. Research has suggested that for women, the brain is as important as any other body parts. And for researchers looking for a female sexuality pill, that presents a unique set of challenges.

The New York Times talks about researchers’ latest attempts at crafting such a pill, called Lybrido. It’s an in-depth story that explores women’s personal experiences — and frustrations — with their decreased sexual desire.

A key–perhaps the key–to a happy life is self-knowledge, because as the Fifth Splendid Truth holds, I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature. In my own case, I’ve found that the more my life reflects my real interests, values, and temperament, the happier I become.

But it’s very hard to know ourselves. It’s easy to be distracted by the way we wish we were, or think we ought to be, or what others think we should be, until we lose sight of what is actually true. There’s a certain sadness to self-knowledge.

A couple of weeks ago, the New York Times Review of Books reviewed David Sheff’s new book Clean:  Overcoming Addiction and Ending America’s Greatest Tragedy. After noting some highlights in the book, editor Mick Sussman aptly concluded that Sheff has “performed a vital service by compiling sensible advice on a subject for which sensible advice is in short supply.”

I agree. Sheff diagnoses the nation’s response to addiction as being as sick as addiction itself. His message cuts across not only the policies of criminalization but the criminalization of an addict’s character.

According to author and psychiatrist Jeffrey P. Kahn, M.D., in his book Angst: Origins of Anxiety & Depression, today’s disorders might’ve been yesterday’s valuable social instincts.

Today’s panic disorder might’ve prevented our ancestors from venturing to potentially dangerous places, far away from their families and tribes.

Today’s social anxiety might’ve maintained social hierarchies and peace in primitive times.

Today’s obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might’ve helped our ancestors keep tidy and safe nests.

This article from YourTango was written by Julie Orlov.

Words are powerful. They can cut you, heal you, inspire you, and stop you from certain actions. Learning the language of a strong, healthy relationship or marriage takes time and diligence, but saying some words regularly may cause irreparable damage.

Here are five words that are destined to cause damage to your relationship or marriage.

Why is it that families are kept so far out of the loop when it comes to a loved one’s health?

The quick, easy answer, of course, is the nation’s health insurance portability and accountability act (HIPAA). Physicians are able to share only certain information with the family unless the patient agrees to more. The problem is that the patient might be too elderly, addicted or mentally ill to cooperate or even understand what they are agreeing to (or simply stubborn).

Certainly individual civil liberties must be taken into consideration. This writer, in fact, is more than moderately liberal.

But there is a blurry but significant line that puts human wisdom to the test, as we evaluate true need for family assistance.

Living with Regret

You’re probably able to let go of a bad day in the morning and an argument with a friend in a few day’s time. But the decisions you made that just didn’t work out, those could potentially negatively direct your life.

Because we seldom have control over what happens in our life, the desire to make the “right” decisions feel like a heavy weight on our shoulders. We can’t get away from them. And we can harbor guilt from as insignificant a problem as choosing the wrong paint color to partnering with an ill-fitted mate.

The hardest yet best way to deal with the decisions we wish we could undo is to learn to forgive ourselves. We do this by realizing that we don’t have a crystal ball to know what is the right thing to do in any moment. We do our best. Part of our growth and healing involves learning to move on by accepting what is and finding the lessons in the mistakes we’ve made. It’s also about changing our focus from what’s not working to what is working.

To make peace with whatever you’re regretting, scroll down to read our top posts this week. You’ll discover tips for savoring your life regardless of what you’re going through (chronic pain, difficult relationships, stressed and coping with mental illness) and learn new ways of understanding yourself. It might just change your perspective on things. And what you once deemed a bad decision, may turn into the best decision you ever made.

{Flickr photo by Hammonton Photography}