Feeling sexually frustrated and depressed at the same time can happen, but there are ways to cope. Here’s how.

Frustration is a state of agitation or annoyance that can happen in nearly every aspect of life. It can occur at work, school, or even in the grocery store checkout line.

But it can be challenging to cope when frustration is centered around sex — specifically, the lack of sex when you really want or need it.

But can sexual frustration or lack of intimacy cause depression or other mental health concerns?

According to a 2016 study, about 62% of males and 43% of females say sexual health is critical for quality of life. Other research estimates suggest that 94% of people believe sexual enjoyment adds to overall life quality.

Among all human behaviors, sex may rank right up there with eating and sleeping as an important aspect of health and well-being.

But sexual satisfaction is an individualized thing. For example, one person may be perfectly happy with never having sex, while another may be extremely dissatisfied if they don’t engage in sex every day.

Yet, when the frequency and enjoyment of sex fail to match what you need or desire, it can lead to sexual frustration. This type of frustration can happen whether you have a high or low sex drive and in people of any age, sexuality, gender, or relationship status.

Although the term “sexual frustration” isn’t well defined in medical literature, if you’re experiencing it, your feelings are real.

You’re also not alone, as many people face similar challenges at one time or another. Still, unaddressed sexual frustration can negatively affect your mental health and well-being.

Sexual frustration effects

Although research is scarce on the link between sexual frustration and depression, some evidence says sexual frustration can impact behavior and well-being.

For example, some 2021 research suggests that frustration resulting from unmet sexual needs in people not choosing to abstain from sex may increase the risks of aggressive behavior.

On the other hand, a 2018 survey of U.S. adults found that sexually inactive people reported similar happiness levels as those actively engaging in sex.

The link between sexual frustration and depression is not well understood. But one study suggests that higher levels of sexual satisfaction are associated with lower levels of anxiety and depression.

The effects of sexual frustration can vary, but in general, people experiencing it may:

  • engage in harmful behavior to meet sexual needs
  • have sexual-related relationship challenges
  • use food, alcohol, or other substances to cope
  • experience depressed mood, irritability, and agitation
  • feel emotional detachment from romantic partners

If the frustration continues, they may lose interest in sex altogether to avoid the uncomfortable feelings related to not having their needs met.

In a physical sense, not having sex for an extended time is not thought to cause health issues. But 2016 research suggests that sexual activity, a form of physical exercise, may reduce stress hormone levels and stimulates the production of mood-boosting endorphins. These benefits may promote overall health and well-being.

As with other sexual challenges, like erectile dysfunction (ED) or female sexual arousal disorder, sexual frustration may have various causes, including:

  • health conditions that impact libido or sexual functioning
  • particular medications like antidepressants
  • not having access to available sexual partners
  • being in a relationship where your partner’s sexual desires don’t meet yours
  • unmet sexual expectations
  • lack of communication between partners
  • worries about body image

Depression can affect your sexual health as well. This makes it challenging to determine if a lack of intimacy is causing sexual frustration and depression or if depression is causing sex-related frustration.

Moreover, 2020 research suggests the COVID-19 pandemic-related physical distancing, lockdowns, and health concerns may have increased the prevalence of sexual frustration in some people.

Identifying if you’re feeling sexual frustration or something else can be challenging. But in general, signs of sexual frustration may include:

  • irritability or restlessness
  • trouble sleeping
  • feelings of rejection or unattractiveness
  • anger or combativeness
  • trouble concentrating or feeling distracted
  • an increase or decrease in the desire for sex
  • relying on pornography or other sexual stimulation to meet sexual needs

These signs may always be present at some level or can wax and wane depending on your thoughts or mood.

Coping with the frustration of a sexual nature is possible. The first thing to acknowledge is that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to engage in sexual activity — as it’s a natural part of human behavior.

Also, sexual frustration can sometimes be a temporary condition resulting from your current circumstances. So, try not to give up hope even if you feel like your situation will never change.

Here are a few tips that may help you manage sexual frustration:

Self-pleasure

Masturbation is a healthy activity that can help relieve sexual frustration. Benefits of self-pleasure include:

  • increased relaxation
  • decreased stress levels
  • reduction of sexual tension

In addition, engaging in self-pleasure can be a natural way to meet urgent sexual needs and may help you gain a sense of control over your sexual health.

Identify your specific needs, communicate with your partner

Sometimes sexual frustration may result from not knowing what you need, want, or desire when it comes to sex.

For example, some people may need more intimacy and affection during sexual activity, while others need less. Once you identify where sex is missing the mark, you can consider making changes.

Sometimes those changes involve engaging in more open, honest communication with your partner. The European Society for Sexual Medicine, an organization in Belgium focused on education and science, suggests addressing these points when discussing sexual differences with your mate:

  • Normalize the idea that you both may differ in sexual needs.
  • Challenge the myth that sex needs to be spontaneous.
  • Develop sexual scripts to follow that are mutually satisfying.
  • Tap into unaddressed relationship issues and unmet emotional needs.

Still, discussing sex and sexual-related matters with your partner can be difficult, especially if you aren’t sure how to broach the subject.

Consider approaching the discussion with empathy, keeping in mind the topic of sex can unearth feelings of inadequacy in your partner — especially if they feel responsible for any issues you bring up.

Speak with a doctor about underlying health issues

A 2016 study suggests that specific chronic health conditions can wreak havoc with sexual desire and functioning — leading to loss of self-esteem, self-confidence, and depression.

If you think your physical health or a health condition is playing a role in your sexual frustration, consider talking with a healthcare professional about your concerns.

Psychotherapy and sex therapy

Coping with sexual frustration can sometimes involve addressing underlying mental health concerns, trauma, or other psychological factors that may play a role.

If you’re having difficulty identifying the cause of your sexual frustration, talking with a mental health professional or sex therapist may provide helpful insight.

In addition, because of the complex association between sexual frustration and depression, getting appropriate treatment to help manage symptoms of depression can also help.

But if accessibility to in-person therapy is a challenge, online sex therapy or online counseling can be a convenient and effective option.

Feeling sexually frustrated can be challenging. Although short-term sexual frustration may not profoundly affect your mental well-being, enduring it long term may lead to a depressed mood.

Many factors may play a role in sexual frustration. These include relationship differences, health conditions, or lack of available partners. Because of this, it can be difficult to identify why sexual frustration is happening.

Whether it’s a temporary or more long-term situation causing your sexual frustration, there are ways to cope and find satisfaction and fulfillment.