The Psych Central Report

Looking in the Mirror

by SeptMorn
September 2005

Back to the Table of Contents


So many times I’ve wished there was a magic mirror in which I could look and see the real Me with all my strengths and positive qualities; all the good things that others see that I can’t see or won’t see in me.

The first time I heard of mirroring was through my therapist. She was reading an online conversation I had printed out for her. The person the conversation took place with was a very wealthy, highly intelligent man who ran his own business that deals with futures. He traveled throughout the US doing seminars. He isn’t only a successful businessman, he is a writer, a poet and his romantic imagination thrilled me to the core. Let me be clear here. I’m not talking about sexual imagination. I’m talking about pure romance and passion of everything pure and noble.

My therapist told me that we were mirroring each other. Stop! “Each other”? If indeed he was my mirror, then I was acting as his. Really a difficult idea to wrap my brain around! Months passed as I tried to internalize this concept. Sometimes I still struggle with it and it’s been at least ten years since this happened.

Unfortunately, mirrors also have a way of giving back reflections of the not-quite-so-perfect, but for this article, we are going to concentrate on the positive. When I think of him giving his speeches, indeed, watch the video I have of him, if I’m still, relax and open my mind once again, there is a small, still voice that tells me, “You belong in that arena… You could do what he’s doing… Your heart is every bit as big as his is, if not more… You have strength where he has a weakness.” You see? The door to acceptance is beginning to open.

If you find yourself admiring someone, relating and agreeing with what they say, how they act, make that person your mirror if at all possible. Even if it’s just one thing that you admire them for and can feel a certain union of spirits or minds, watch that person, interact if you can, keep the memories, for you will need these tools to climb one step farther on your journey. Accepting myself started in my heart. If I allow it, my emotions will rule. However, your mind plays a big role in learning to accept the positive about yourself as well as the negative. For some, it could very well be the exact opposite.

Either way, in order to internalize the positive and reject the negative, if you can, balance the emotion with brain power. Sometimes, things appear better on the surface than they are once you examine them. If your integrity is healthy, it will speak to you. If you find yourself saying “Wait a minute! That doesn’t jibe!” then stop and examine why. So often we hear that something that works for one person will not work for another. This could be one of those times. If so, your world hasn’t come to an end. Most everything we do in life is learned. Take what you learned from this encounter and move on. There is usually something good in everything. Make sure you don’t leave it behind because something went awry. Most of all, don’t condemn yourself or beat yourself up because not everything turned out the way you hoped. Just like in a golden field of barley, weeds can also grow. So are we humans.

Last updated: 4 Sep 2005
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Sep 2005
    Published on All rights reserved.