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When It Comes to Relationships, Nice Guys May In Fact Finish First

In a new study, Michigan State University investigators suggest that despite popular belief, sharing similar personalities may not be as important as most people think to relationship compatibility. And dating apps may be less useful than once thought.

“People invest a lot in finding someone who’s compatible, but our research says that may not be the end-all be-all,” said Dr. Bill Chopik, associate professor of psychology and director of MSU’s Close Relationships Lab.

“Instead, people may want to ask, ‘Are they a nice person?’ ‘Do they have a lot of anxiety?’ Those things matter way more than the fact that two people are introverts and end up together.”

The most striking finding of the study was that having similar personalities had almost no effect on how satisfied people were in their lives and relationships, Chopik said.

Chopik explains that despite their popularity, apps that match people on compatibility may have it all wrong, he said.

“When you start to get into creating algorithms and psychologically matching people, we actually don’t know as much about that as we think we do,” he said.

“We don’t know why the heart chooses what it does, but with this research, we can rule out compatibility as the lone factor.”

The researchers looked at almost every way couples could be happy, making it the most comprehensive study to date.

Using data from the Panel Study of Income Dynamics, which is a long-running survey of households, Chopik and Dr. Richard Lucas measured the effects of personality traits on well-being in more than 2,500 heterosexual couples who have been married roughly 20 years. Lucas is a MSU Foundation Professor in the Department of Psychology.

The researchers discovered that even among the couples who share similar personalities, having a partner who is conscientious and nice leads to higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

At the same time, having a partner who is neurotic, and, surprisingly, more extroverted, results in lower relationship satisfaction.

The research appears in the Journal of Research in Personality.

Source: Michigan State University

When It Comes to Relationships, Nice Guys May In Fact Finish First

Rick Nauert PhD

Rick Nauert, PhDDr. Rick Nauert has over 25 years experience in clinical, administrative and academic healthcare. He is currently an associate professor for Rocky Mountain University of Health Professionals doctoral program in health promotion and wellness. Dr. Nauert began his career as a clinical physical therapist and served as a regional manager for a publicly traded multidisciplinary rehabilitation agency for 12 years. He has masters degrees in health-fitness management and healthcare administration and a doctoral degree from The University of Texas at Austin focused on health care informatics, health administration, health education and health policy. His research efforts included the area of telehealth with a specialty in disease management.

APA Reference
Nauert PhD, R. (2019). When It Comes to Relationships, Nice Guys May In Fact Finish First. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 26, 2020, from
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Last updated: 14 Feb 2019 (Originally: 14 Feb 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 14 Feb 2019
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