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Kids Expect Parents to Follow Technology Rules Too

Kids Expect Parents to Follow Technology Rules Too

Children often do not realize the challenges parents may face when setting household rules on technology use. Issues surrounding fairness and equity are difficult for non-digitally native parents and kids to see eye-to-eye on.

In an attempt to bridge the differences, researchers at the University of Washington and University of Michigan surveyed 249 families with children between the ages of 10 and 17. Investigators queried on the most important technology rules and expectations within the household, as well as what made those rules easier or harder to follow.

They discovered that kids actually have high expectations including: putting your phone away when I’m talking to you; not texting while you’re driving — not even at red lights; and no posting photos online without permission.

The paper — which is among the first to explore children’s expectations for parents’ technology use — was presented at the Association for Computing Machinery’s conference on Computer-Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing in San Francisco.

The surveys revealed kids’ feelings about fairness and “oversharing,” the most effective types of technology rules, and common approaches used by families to manage social media and information technology.

“Managing kids’ technology use was once much easier for parents — they switched off the television when a show was over or kept an eye on kids as they used the family computer in the living room,” said lead author Alexis Hiniker, a University of Washington doctoral student in Human Centered Design and Engineering.

“But now that so many family members have phones with them at all times, it’s become harder and harder to set those boundaries.”

When researchers asked kids what technology rules they wished their parents would follow — a less common line of inquiry — the answers fell into seven general categories:

  • Be present — children felt there should be no technology at all in certain situations, such as when a child is trying to talk to a parent;
  • Child autonomy — parents should allow children to make their own decisions about technology use without interference;
  • Moderate use — parents should use technology in moderation and in balance with other activities;
  • Supervise children — parents should establish and enforce technology-related rules for children’s own protection;
  • Not while driving — parents should not text while driving or sitting at a traffic light;
  • No hypocrisy — parents should practice what they preach, such as staying off the Internet at mealtimes;
  • No oversharing — parents shouldn’t share information online about their children without explicit permission.

“Twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members oversharing personal information about them on Facebook and other social media without permission,” said co-author Dr. Sarita Schoenebeck, assistant professor in the University of Michigan’s School of Information.

“Many children said they found that content embarrassing and felt frustrated when their parents continued to do it.” The study also examined which types of household rules were more or less difficult to enforce.

For example, families reported that rules prohibiting certain technology or social media uses entirely — such as no using Snapchat or banning a particular video game — were easier to follow and enforce than rules that aim to prevent technology use in certain situations — such as no phones at church or no texting with friends after a certain time.

Children’s preference for concrete standards rather that flexible protocols came as a surprise.

“We were surprised to find that when mom and dad say ‘you can’t be on Instagram’ it’s easier for kids to accept and stick to that rule than when they say ‘you can be on Instagram but you have to put it away at dinner,'” said Hiniker.

“As a teenager, I think I would have been happier in a world where I got to be on Instagram at least some of the time, but that really seemed to be a struggle for families.”

The most common expectation cited by children revolved around “being present” in certain social settings, such as when a family member was talking or during meals or when they were involved in certain activities.

Parents, on the other hand, tended to prioritize privacy rules to prevent children from putting themselves at risk by disclosing personal information online.

Most of the nearly 500 different technology rules reported by families fell into one of a dozen categories, which included:

  • no technology at certain times;
  • no technology until certain obligations are fulfilled, like homework or chores;
  • fixed time limits on how long kids can engage with technology;
  • cost restrictions;
  • expectations to balance technology use with other activities, like playing outside;
  • parent audits that grant them the ability to check kids’ phones at any time and access social media accounts;
  • banning a particular site, game, activity, or device;
  • rules about online behavior, such as no bullying or bad language or sharing sexual content.

While parents tended not to be concerned about different rules for parents and children, many kids saw that as hypocritical. Children also found it easier to follow household technology rules when families had developed them collectively and when parents lived by them as well.

The fact that both children and parents reported so much difficulty with rules that require family members to simply put their phones down in certain circumstances points to missed opportunities for app and device designers to recognize those consumer needs, the researchers said.

Potential technological fixes to help improve balance might include a “family time” button that disables notifications for 30 minutes. Additional solutions could be news feeds that provide opportunities to digest content in smaller chunks, and video streaming that doesn’t automatically start playing a new episode once the last one stops.

The research suggests that if parents find that a particular app or social media site is too difficult for their kids to disengage from, the simpler solution is to make it off-limits.

“If app and device designers were more open to fostering healthy technology habits, they probably would make their current customers happier,” said co-author Dr. Julie Kientz, University of Washington associate professor of Human Centered Design and Engineering.

“And they might bring in more families who’ve decided the rule is not to use it at all.”

Source: University of Washington
Child wanting mother’s attention photo by shutterstock.

Kids Expect Parents to Follow Technology Rules Too

Rick Nauert PhD

Rick Nauert, PhDDr. Rick Nauert has over 25 years experience in clinical, administrative and academic healthcare. He is currently an associate professor for Rocky Mountain University of Health Professionals doctoral program in health promotion and wellness. Dr. Nauert began his career as a clinical physical therapist and served as a regional manager for a publicly traded multidisciplinary rehabilitation agency for 12 years. He has masters degrees in health-fitness management and healthcare administration and a doctoral degree from The University of Texas at Austin focused on health care informatics, health administration, health education and health policy. His research efforts included the area of telehealth with a specialty in disease management.

APA Reference
Nauert PhD, R. (2018). Kids Expect Parents to Follow Technology Rules Too. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Aug 2018 (Originally: 9 Mar 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Aug 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.