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Improve Parenting Skills by Remembering How to Play

Improve Parenting Skills by Remembering How to Play

To raise a healthy, happy child, take the time to relearn how to play.

Oftentimes, “we find that parents lose the ability to play,” said play therapist Nancy O’Conner, M.S., director of the Kansas State University Family Center, which provides clinical services to the local community.

“Learning the ABCs is important and children need the opportunity for free play. That’s where parent and child interact, make noises, play dress up, chase each other in games of tag, get down on the floor together and play,” said O’Conner, also a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist.

Why is play so important?

O’Conner said play encourages the mastery and development of the crucial C’s: courage, capable, connect, count.

“We want parents to help their children feel brave, to feel that they can do things, that they belong and that they matter,” she said.

Children who have courage believe they can face challenges and are resilient, the therapist said. They feel more positive about themselves, that they matter because they count.

From these very first relationships, children learn to treat others how they are treated and to feel they belong. That feeling of attachment is one of the most important criteria for being a mentally healthy adult, she said.

With these tools, a child will be more adept at handling potential future problems such as bullying, peer pressure and transitions. Children will have the internal resources to handle many situations that they may encounter, O’Conner said.

She suggests how can parents can relearn to play and why:

  • Focus attention on the child: Turn off the electronics. Ignore the dirty dishes or briefcase full of work. “It doesn’t matter how busy you are, don’t sacrifice playtime with your child,” she advised. “When a child gets full, undivided attention, he learns he is valued and he will grow up valuing others.”
  • Enjoy each other. Create traditions for yourself and your child that are specially yours. “Playtime should be joyful,” she said. “Play is a time when a child doesn’t have to perform so use other time to learn colors.”
  • Use the child’s language. For example, a baby’s language is sounds, gestures and expressions. “Pay attention to what the baby is telling you by crying, or smiling, or turning away,” she said. Learn to understand that language and meet the baby’s needs. When a parent reacts to a baby’s language, the baby feels safe and loved.

Self-confidence and self-security is important for children, as it is in adults.

When a child feels secure, he will believe he can accomplish more — walking, singing, throwing a ball, reading a book — and continue to develop. He will take that feeling of security with him into adulthood, O’Conner said.

“When we give children the tools very early in life, they will feel connected, learn how to treat others and how to respond to others, feel challenged,” O’Conner said.

Source: Kansas State University

Improve Parenting Skills by Remembering How to Play

Rick Nauert PhD

Rick Nauert, PhDDr. Rick Nauert has over 25 years experience in clinical, administrative and academic healthcare. He is currently an associate professor for Rocky Mountain University of Health Professionals doctoral program in health promotion and wellness. Dr. Nauert began his career as a clinical physical therapist and served as a regional manager for a publicly traded multidisciplinary rehabilitation agency for 12 years. He has masters degrees in health-fitness management and healthcare administration and a doctoral degree from The University of Texas at Austin focused on health care informatics, health administration, health education and health policy. His research efforts included the area of telehealth with a specialty in disease management.

APA Reference
Nauert PhD, R. (2018). Improve Parenting Skills by Remembering How to Play. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Aug 2018 (Originally: 19 Apr 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Aug 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.