Three Proven Ways a Simple List Can Revolutionize Your Love Life
Then separate that list into must-haves — stuff you just can’t do without — and desirables — things you’d like, but could compromise on if they were otherwise wonderful.
All done? In my experience, most folks resist making their list. And that’s a shame, because your list is an amazing tool in the work belt of life. With your help, it’s going to do three really vital jobs for you.
1. Find hidden singles. Have you ever gone car shopping? Ten years ago, I bought a Mini Cooper, and I love it so much, I haven’t replaced it. A funny thing happened while I was looking around, though: I saw Minis everywhere. It really seemed like the world was chock-full of them.
You may have heard of the law of attraction, which says that we draw to us what we imagine. If life really worked like that, you’d create your list and cool your heels while The One appeared.Sigh. Not true. And yet the list is very powerful — not because it attracts the right people to you, but because you start noticing them.
Just as I started noticing my brand of car everywhere once I’d narrowed my search, you will begin noticing your kind of sweetheart once you refine your own list. Mr. Right might be where you work or live; Ms. Right might be where you worship or shop. The point is, have you noticed? Or is The One hidden in plain sight because you aren’t clear on your needs?
2. Do first things first. There’s a saying, “first things first.” It means you need to do things in the order that makes the most sense. This sounds obvious, but without your list, you’ll probably do first things last. In these relationships, people meet, have sex, get emotionally involved, and then figure out whether this person is what they want.
You may think this is the exception, but research shows that hooking up on college campuses has largely replaced dating. A hookup can be anything from sleeping over to kissing to having intercourse to oral sex. An 18-month multi-campus study of American college life found that most women continue to enter and leave college hoping to find yes, a degree, but also to find love and marriage. The decline of dating and the rise of hookups has cost them, more than men, a great deal in terms of confusion and pain.