I have a recurring dream that my ex-boyfriend comes around and says he needs to talk and he wants me to go somewhere with him. (I have been apart from my ex-boyfriend for over four years. He was abusive through our entire relationship and still comes around every six months or so.) I tell him that I will go, but this will be the last time I ever want to talk to him, and that I want him to leave me alone from now on.
So we go to a public place, and we are standing there and I start getting my insecure feeling again — like I did every time I was with him — and he starts to degrade me. I feel myself going back into the same rut of letting him control me.
Then I get this sudden burst of anger. I realize this is all wrong and I tell him that I am in love with my new boyfriend and I just want him to leave me alone. I turn around and see my current boyfriend who says to me, “I am here if you need me. Do what you have to.”
So I turn around and go to punch my ex. I try with all my might, but it is as though I almost just poke him with my finger. I keep trying and trying and start crying with frustration. I turn around and my current boyfriend says, “You don’t have to do this. I can take care of it for you.”
This is the point when I make myself wake up because I can’t stand the feelings of insecurity. Can you help? I probably have this dream on average once every two weeks. One time, I had this dream every day for a week straight.
–kim, age 22, engaged to be married, Collinsville, IL
It sounds like your ex is one of those relationships that “keeps on giving.” In your case though (like with most exes), all he’s giving you is a headache!