Masturbation is a normal sexual activity that most people enjoy at one point or another in their lives. Not all people masturbate, but for those who do, there is nothing to be ashamed of or try and hide. Disclosure of your masturbation activities to your partner is something a person must decide to do on an individual level — there’s no single “right” answer, as it depends on your situation, your experiences with your partner, both his and your attitude toward masturbation (and sex in general), and your respective (and combined) histories.

Whether or not to tell your husband (or your wife or partner) about your masturbation and your masturbation practices is really up to you. I applaud you for being in touch with your own sexual pleasure and attending to yourself as needed. Many people end up pressuring their partners for sexual activity during stressful times which can, in fact, add more negative pressure to the relationship and to the emotional state of the depressed person. So it’s really good that you’re thinking about this issue before it comes up at an awkward moment, or one of you interrupts the other person while masturbating.

Take a few minutes to think about how you believe he would respond to your disclosure about masturbation. Will it make you feel better to tell? Do you think your husband will feel badly about not being able to please you sexually? Would it be possible to talk with him about this topic in a general way — so you can get a better read on how he might respond? These are all questions that I would ask myself.

Masturbation is a personal activity that can be enjoyed alone or shared with a partner both in thought and in practice. Take some time to think about your own situation before going forward with any action.

Remember — masturbation is usually a healthy, normal part of most people’s sex lives, even when they’re with a sexual partner or are married. There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about masturbating, but some people would prefer to keep this activity largely private and unspoken between themselves and their partner.

Each person is different, so approach the topic tentatively, keeping in mind that your attitude toward this sexual activity may be different than your partner’s. It helps to keep an open mind, and one hopes, your partner will keep an open mind too. If in doubt, it may be something best left to the imagination and not discussed outright.

Interested to learn more about masturbation? Check out The Top 10 Myths Behind Masturbation.