Mother’s Day Thoughts by a Mommy of Angels
I have been thinking. I have 6 Angels waiting for me in Heaven. I have miscarriages. The couple weeks surrounding Mother’s Day contain several significant dates for me anyway. May 8th was the 7th anniversary of losing the 2nd twin. The first one was in April. May 11th is the day I discovered we had SIGNIFICANT problems in our marriage which ended in a divorce. It is full of dates that are bittersweet and a few that were downright heartwrenching. But with 6 miscarriages I have dates spread throughout the year so it is an unavoidable time of remembrance for a person who is good with dates.
But Mother’s Day….
Mother’s Day hurts for those who are Mommies but don’t have them with us.
See, in my heart I am still a Mommy. I am a Mommy because when I get to Heaven I will see my children again. But I am not a Mom according to the standards of society. I am not recognized because no one else can see my children. I know they exist. I know they were created by God inside me. I know they will forever have a place in my heart.
But even when I explain antiphospholipid antibody syndrome—the blood clotting disorder responsible for my miscarriages—to people, and the story behind why my children are not here with me most nonbelievers dismiss it. Some believers acknowledge the children but dismiss the heartache that goes with losing them because “they were not actually born.” I have actually had people tell me I was better off not having the baby because there MUST have been something wrong with them. But some come around me and help to hold me up when I don’t feel like I can do it on my own…God puts them in my life to be a physical reminder of His love for me.
I was even told by a pastor (not of my church or denomination) that my children were not in Heaven because they were not baptized…for the record I do NOT believe that! My favorite has to be the “Well you can try again” statement. Like that child was replaceable? or didn’t matter? That is the last thing you want to hear at that moment.
But God’s Word tells us that He knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb. God’s word is what I hold onto when no one else understands. See, I have met very few people who are in the same situation as me. I know they are out there but no one talks about it. Miscarriages are overlooked at times because there is often no funeral, no big event. Many times we are completely alone in a bathroom or a doctor’s office when we get the news. It is often silently suffered through because we choose not to tell people about the early pregnancy results “just in case.” And then our world is shattered…
But here is the good news.