All is far from hopeless, however. You can and you must find answers to your own problem, which often centers on how you can best live your own life in a healthier way and manage not to react continually to the dysfunctional behavior of your loved one. Instead of continuing your fruitless search for his or her answers, you must begin lifting the right stones to find your own solutions. Once you fully understand and embrace this concept and determine that you will make this important change in your own behavior, you are already halfway there.

What Help Is Available to Me?

You will find many useful tools, including understanding people, to help you along the way as you initiate this journey.

  • There are numerous books written with you in mind, as well as numerous publications.
  • On the Internet, there are many web sites, chat rooms and facilitated discussion groups to help you gain a new perspective and learn how others have managed to conquer this stressful situation and emerge whole.
  • There is AlAnon, a recommended free resource right in your own community, which helps people to better understand the diseases of alcoholism and addiction, the predictable behaviors associated with them, and also empowers you to follow your own 12-step recovery program.
  • You may also choose to seek help from a professional experienced in assisting affected family members and friends, or possibly from your religious institution.

The important thing to remember is that you are not alone, and you don’t have to stay lost in the maze you have been trying unsuccessfully to navigate. There is a way out. Whatever first step you decide upon, take it today. You will not regret it. All of us must start our tomorrows with a first step we choose today.


Al-Anon & Alateen

Rogers, R.L., & McMillan, C.S. (1992). Freeing Someone You Love from Alcohol and Other Drugs: A Step-by-Step Plan Starting Today! New York: Berkley Publishing Group.

Johnson, V.E. (1986). Intervention, How to Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help: A Step- by-Step Guide for Families and Friends of Chemically Dependent Persons. Minneapolis: Hazelden Information & Educational Services.

Beattie, M. (1998). Reclaim Your Life: How to Take Care of Yourself When Alcohol and Drugs Threaten Your Family (video). Minneapolis: Hazelden Information & Educational Services.

Remboldt, C. (1993). Recovery is a Family Affair. Minneapolis: Hazelden Information & Educational Services.