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The eHarmony Profile System: Where’s the Personality?

The eHarmony profile system was completely different than the world I was accustomed to. There is very little opportunity to insert a personality into an eHarmony profile, which is your first chance to make an impression. Your profile consists of answers to these questions:

  • What are you most passionate about?
  • What are the three things for which you are most thankful?
  • Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
  • What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
  • Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
  • What is the one thing that people don’t notice about you right away that you wish they would?
  • How do you typically spend your leisure time?
  • What are five things that you “can’t live without?”

Other information in your profile is provided via your personality assessment:

  • The four things your friends say about you are what?
  • What are three of your best life-skills?

Once my profile was set, it was time to receive my matches. In the eHarmony FAQ, it states that it may be a while before you receive any matches and most people receive 10-25 per year. I apparently was not ‘most people’ in this scenario. In 19 days, I received 120 matches. This could be either because I live in a city or because I am the most compatible person on the planet. Or both. It amazes me that some people get 10 matches a year and I averaged 6.3 per day.

The communication/matching process begins with an eHarmony-generated email. It says:

“There’s someone we’d like you to meet…
Dear Stacey and Blah,
eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching SystemTM has found that you two are a highly compatible match, based on our rigorous 29 Dimensions scale. With this level of compatibility, we believe you two will have a lot to talk about and may even find true love together.”

At that point, you can log into the eHarmony site and see the meager profile information posted on Blah, who just may be your true love. From there, there are requests for communication, sending first questions (these are chosen from a checklist), second questions (these are essays), then open communication where you are able to anonymously email back and forth.

I found this process unappealing. I ended up ignoring almost every request for communication I received because the person lived too far away or had no photo posted. As much as we all like to say that appearance doesn’t matter, let’s get real, attraction is important.

eHarmony gets a thumbs down. The communication process is clumsy. Many of the true love matches you receive are people who have not paid the subscription fee, so they have no way to communicate with you through the clumsy process anyway. The site runs slowly and poorly if you are not a mainstream Internet Explorer/PC user.

My advice is to stick with or meeting people in real life. May the force be with you, not Dr. Warren. One Girl’s Point of View

Stacey Goldstein

APA Reference
Goldstein, S. (2018). One Girl’s Point of View. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Oct 2018 (Originally: 17 May 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Oct 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.