Many people are still turned off by seeking help for a mental health concern, like depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, an eating issue, or anxiety. While a man will think nothing nowadays of asking his doctor for a prescription of Viagra to help him sexually perform better, that same man will often turn to alcohol or denial to deal with his depression. A woman will go for her annual pap smear to guard against cancer, but refuses to acknowledge that eating has become an emotional issue rather than just about nutrition.
Why do people still refuse to get help for these concerns when help is so readily and easily available? The answers may surprise you.
You Can’t Get Help Until You Want Help
It may seem like an obvious observation that a person can’t always be helped until they first acknowledge the need for help. But many people are stuck in a stage of not acknowledging the problem is a problem.
People call this kind of being stuck, “denial,” because the individual is simply denying – either consciously or sometimes unconsciously – that a problem even exists. “Oh, I’m not depressed, I just haven’t been getting enough sleep lately,” even though the “not getting enough sleep” excuse has been batted around in the person’s head for 4 months now. “Oh, I wasn’t manic, I just felt like I had a lot of energy and could get things done finally,” even though none of the projects was ever finished and the energy has long since warn off, giving way to depression.
Denial of a problem is a common reason people don’t seek treatment for it. Without accepting that a problem even exists, we can’t get help for it. Just as we are often our own worst critics, people are also sometimes the opposite – the last to admit their own shortcomings or failings.
Obviously She’s in Denial – Why Doesn’t She See it?
Why are people in denial when the problem is so obvious to everyone around them?
There are many reasons why denial is a common coping mechanism used by people. One is that, despite it ultimately not being beneficial to the person using it, it does work to some degree. It allows the person to continue to function in daily life, even if they are not always functioning well.
Second, a person may have been brought up and taught that denial was the way a person dealt with irrational feelings or unsavory behaviors. We are the products of our upbringing, whether we admit it or not. Those behaviors can be unlearned, but it takes time and often, professional assistance (e.g., a therapist).
Third, sometimes a person can’t always see things objectively when it comes to their own behaviors and feelings. For instance, when we are in love, we irrationally believe our loved one can do no wrong and the world revolves around that person. Objectively, nothing has changed in your life except that you’ve found someone to share your life with. Your loved one is still a human being, will still make mistakes, and can do wrong.
How Can a Person Overcome Denial and Get Help?
There’s no single, easy method for helping a person overcome their denial of a problem like depression or bipolar disorder. Since the roots of denial are often buried deep within a person’s sense of who they are and how they were brought up to view themselves and the world around them, it can take a life-changing event to shake up a person’s denial.
Such an event can happen when a loved one close to us dies because they themselves didn’t seek care or treatment from a medical professional for an illness that they could’ve survived. It could be when we see the depths of despair or emotional turmoil a friend or family member suffers, and resolve that we’re not going to walk that same difficult, painful path. Or it could just be that a person finally gets so fed up with the issue hurting meaningful parts of their lives – such as a loved one or their career – that they decide they’re going to give it a try.
Sometimes combating denial is simply done by acknowledging that you may or may not have a problem, but you’ll go to a professional therapist to check it out. If you decide to go down this route (perhaps with the “encouragement” or threats from a spouse or loved one), try your best to clear your head and keep an open mind about what you hear from the professional about the problem or issue you’re facing. If you don’t, you’re just wasting both your and the professional’s time.
Denial Can be Overcome
Denial is something many of us have simply learned as a largely-ineffective coping mechanism to deal with certain problems in life. Because it is something we learned to do, like math or riding a bicycle, it is something that can be un-learned as well.
Paradoxically, the best way to unlearn this behavior is to admit you’re using it and to seek out help. A therapist will simply help you learn other, more effective and healthier ways of coping with issues or problems that arise in your life. It’s a simple process that can be done in just a few months’ time for most people who give it a try.