Back to Match.com?
Currently, I am interested in two men. Neither is viable as my new boyfriend. Dating in my 30s is different than dating in my 20s. I am able to more accurately assess a dating situation before diving into it. I know what works for me and what does not. Sometimes I am grateful for this gift. Sometimes I would prefer to be oblivious and have a lot of fun before a dating situation goes down in flames. Right now, I am going for a responsible assessment of the two men I am interested inone that is full of foresight that will hopefully save me from feeling that heartache-y, empty feeling six months down the line when things go all wrong.
Bachelor #1: A client I have at work. We see each other on a weekly basis. Bachelor #1 is completely a “Stacey” guy. He is tall, cute, funny, educated, and quirky. I think he became my client because he kind of likes me. Today he told me that I’m awesome and I felt all flattered and gooey.
What’s the issue? First of all, he has a girlfriend. She is a long distance girlfriend who lives in another country. That’s almost like having no girlfriend at all. The two of them don’t even have a plan to move to the same place at some point. His situation with this woman strikes me as somewhat pointless and I think that if I wanted to, I likely could bump her out of the picture. However, this leads me to the second issue with this guy. He is always busy. He works crazy hours at a full-time job where he works to cure cancer. I am not kidding about that, he really is a researcher at a cancer institute. In addition to trying to cure the world of a horrific disease, he is in a full-time Ph.D program. His lack of availability would get to me if he were to become my boyfriend. Then I would feel guilty because I would want him to spend time with me instead of saving the world. It would lead to a terrible cycle.
Bachelor #1 also seems to be highly forgetful and disorganized. A stereotypical absent-minded professor, scientist type of person. These qualities would bug me if I had to deal with them on an ongoing basis. Although I like this guy a lot and we get along smashingly and have a lot in common, he is not a good, viable candidate for my next boyfriend.
Bachelor #2: A man I briefly dated who I am currently “friends” with. When Bachelor #2 and I hang out, it is a perfect blend of super-fun and super-serious. There is something about Bachelor #2 and I that makes us completely open to each other. With him, I am able to be much more honest than I am with most people.
What’s the problem, you ask? Bachelor #2 is emotionally in no place to have a girlfriend right now. He has issues he has to work out and has acknowledged that in the past, he has been a bad boyfriend to other women. Even if he was in perfect emotional shape, I am not sure that Bachelor #2 and I have lifestyles that would mesh well together for the long term. I like Guitar Hero and dive bars. He likes clubs and break dancing. I want contentment. He wants excitement.
So where does this leave me?
This leaves me in a position where I need to not pursue either of these men. I have enough experience with boyfriends and dating that I know what works for me and what does not. As much as I like both these people, neither would work out well. I need to leave things as they are and continue to have these men in my life in their current roles. I need to find new boyfriend candidates.