Addiction Recovery: Letting Go of Generational Sin
Generational Sin. As you can probably guess it is Sin that is passed down by generation, but not in that you’ve learned sinful traits and acted upon them, more in the way of that the past generations “Spirit of Sin” is stuck to you. So if you think about Karma and what goes around comes around, I suppose it would be similar except that what happened in your family from past generations is in your DNA — and not just your DNA, but your “Spiritual DNA”.
When I was conceived by two people under the influence of drugs and alcohol. The woman having low self esteem, and an early alcohol addiction (passed on by generations before her) and the man being a big drug pusher and womanizer around town, passed on by his alcoholic, adulterous, abusive father — the man (hardly, age 19) and the woman (age 22) who I am guessing was in love with said man.
Pregnant? That is not supposed to happen. The man gives the woman money for an abortion — I heard this story my whole life — sixty dollars, to be exact and he left, and it turns out he later was “narked” on (big words for a young girl to hear asking about who her father is) and sent to prison. Cocaine.
I learned recently that my mom who was scared and alone, and really never wanted to be a parent walked into the abortion clinic, and what happened that day-I will never know, but someone or something talked her out of the abortion and she walked back out.
Hearing my whole life that my real father gave my mother money for an abortion and left dug a hole in me somewhere. I think it dug the same hole in my mother who continued to fall into abusive and alcoholic relationships after she wrote father unknown on my birth certificate.
Walking in her footsteps, although I swore I never would, I found myself pregnant at 16 by a boy I believed I loved. The drugs and alcohol were the same, but the difference was this boy loved me back. When I conceived the baby on a park bench in 1994, it was the summer before my senior year. I had been sexually active since 12, and boys were my life. I see now I needed something to disassociate from my mom’s abusive boyfriend, and her alcoholism.
Drugs and alcohol made me feel a part of the crowd for the first time, cool, rebellious, and like I just didn’t care. I had turned off to the world, and given up on having a “normal” life.
When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend had already moved to Utah to live with his mom. When I was working out one morning, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I called him from the gym I worked at. I somehow made plans to fly to Utah that summer while pregnant, and thought about moving there and having the baby and going to college there. I arrived on my 17th birthday. They were all so gracious to this young, scared pregnant girl.