Why Texting Builds a False Sense of Security in Relationships
This type of communication builds a false sense of security.
The presence of technology and smartphones has impacted relationships and dating in new and different ways when it comes to improving our communication skills.
Recently, I was interviewed by another writer where we discussed how relationships are approached today and the unspoken fear of meeting a potential partner, face-to-face.
When I was growing up, no one I knew had a cell phone that was carried around and used as one of life’s necessities, especially for meeting people or possibly dating.
If we wanted to communicate with someone, we called them on the phone or met up in person. And, even with notes being written and passed along (I’m dating myself here), the mere thought of writing full-on conversations as a preferred method of communicating was unheard of.
However, today’s approach to connecting with someone is entirely different. My children’s generation finds it more awkward to have a discussion or meeting face-to-face with a person of interest than to write multiple conversations in text, over the course of weeks and sometimes months with someone they just met.
To me, that just seems absurd. If you’re in a relationship, why not just put your smartphone down and make a plan or date to meet up, hang out, or grab a bite? It seems like such a waste of time to go back and forth for weeks and months when you could find out in the first 10 minutes if the relationship is even worth pursuing.
As my friend and I continued to discuss why this might be, she touched on this simple truth that made complete sense: building relationships through text provides them with a false sense of security and never requires them to pursue something or someone, without taking a risk.
Hmmm…Why take a risk on something when you can just be comfortable, all the time? Anyone can write the perfect words to say when they are intrigued by another. And yet, if disinterest sets in or when you have nothing left to say, you can just turn off your phone or even change your number! How easy is that?
Too easy in my opinion.
The best thing about building new and healthy relationships with others is the risk. The uncertainty of what’s to come is what makes it exciting. Every relationship doesn’t have to be approached as a win or lose.
Rather, it should be looked at as an opportunity to find what you’re looking for and what you’re not!
Communicating through text doesn’t offer that same raw emotion or connection as does meeting face to face. Words and tones, cannot be interpreted on a screen in the same manner as watching someone’s expression in the delivery of a spoken word.
It’s important for children today to recognize the gains that are made from taking a risk and getting out of their comfort zones. Fearing a relationship might not work out isn’t a reason to hide behind the text.
Conversations are imperative and most times, need to be had. Putting the phones down and lifting our heads up, is when we can accurately assess a relationship worthy of our pursuit.
More “facetime” offers opportunities to build courage, communicate well, and recognize the importance of communication and our spoken voice. It also fuels personal growth and a new level of confidence that could never be duplicated with even spell check!
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: This Type Of Communication May Be Hurting Your Relationship.
Guest Author, P. (2019). Why Texting Builds a False Sense of Security in Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 7, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-texting-builds-a-false-sense-of-security-in-relationships/