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The Imperfect Blogger

“If we had to say what writing is, we would have to define it essentially as an act of courage.”
~ Cynthia Ozick

It’s a curse to have a thin skin. For a writer, it is deadly. If you need to be liked by all the people all of the time, writing is impossible. Too often I find myself wrestling with my need to be liked and my need to write honestly.

In The Courage To Write, Ralph Keyes says, “If you’re not scared, you’re not writing.” Lately I’ve been scared to death, afraid of exposing too much of my private life and afraid of hurting people through my writing. The result has been a big fat case of writer’s block, not what Keyes had in mind.

To do a decent job blogging you’ve got to take the risk to expose yourself. To be a good psychologist, you give people hope by saying, “Yes, I’ve been there,” disclosing just enough of your story to connect with theirs, all the while keeping good boundaries. I’m a psychologist blogger, so I try to do both, walking the tight rope without ever betraying my patients’ confidence or privacy.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t hurt people in the process, family and friends in particular. When that happens I wish someone would just shoot me with a tranquilizer gun like they used on the elephants in Wild Kingdom. Wake me up in a hundred years, like Rip Van Winkle. The guilt is that overwhelming. Anyone who writes publicly about life, (and isn’t a complete narcissistic jerk), knows what I’m talking about.

Personal apologies will be made to those I know I’ve hurt with the hope of forgiveness and if not that, understanding, and if not that, an agreement to live and let live. To say I will never hurt anyone ever again would be an empty promise because I am human and a writer and I can’t stop being either.

Now I get what Keyes was saying. He may as well say, “If you’re not scared, you’re not living,” or “If you’re not scared, you’re not in love.” The shame isn’t in being scared. It’s in letting the fear stop you.

This video by Therese Borchard, of Beyond Blue, helped me get off the writer’s block, see my way through the guilt and start writing again. How did you break through your fear?

Therese's Guilt Backpack

The Imperfect Blogger

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Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D.

Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, founder of Explore What’s Next, wife, and mom of two teenagers. Dr. Aletta is a writer whose articles have been featured on the New York Times Well blog, the Wall Street Journal Online, Parents magazine, NPR and the BBC London Radio. To learn more about Dr. Aletta and Explore What's Next, visit her website and blog, or follow her on Twitter!

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APA Reference
Aletta, E. (2018). The Imperfect Blogger. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 3 Aug 2009)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
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