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Podcast: New Year’s Resolutions from a Bipolar and a Schizophrenic

Just because your living with mental illness, doesn’t mean you don’t believe in all the weird superstitious customs our society loves so much. In this episode our hosts discuss their hopes for the new year, the resolutions they made, and how to have a good 2019 in spite of living with bipolar or schizophrenia.

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“If you’re not going to keep your resolutions, don’t beat yourself up by making them!”
– Gabe Howard


Highlights From ‘Bipolar & Schizophrenic New Year’s Resolutions’ Episode

[1:00] What are a Michelle and Gabe doing For the New Year?

[3:00] What are our New Year’s resolutions?

[9:00] Personal opinions on New Year’s resolutions

[14:30] Gabe and Michelle pick resolutions for each other (hilarity ensues)

[21:00] Should we thank people from the past?

[23:00] What are some nice things we can do for ourselves?

Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Bipolar & Schizophrenic New Year’s Resolutions’ Show

Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.

Announcer: [00:00:07] For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.

Gabe: [00:00:19] Happy New Year everyone! Well, almost. New Year’s Eve is tonight. Or if you’re listening to this, like, on January 5th, New Year’s Eve was a week ago. But for Michelle and I, we are going to celebrate New Year’s Eve in America in less than 12 hours. Oh yeah. And you’re listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. I’m Gabe. I’m bipolar.

Michelle: [00:00:43] And I’m Michelle I’m schizophrenic.

Gabe: [00:00:45] And Michelle is from a New York City, so her New Year’s Eve plans are just infinitely better than mine. Michelle, are you going to go to Times Square and watch the ball drop?

Michelle: [00:00:55] Absolutely not.

Gabe: [00:00:57] Have you done it?

Michelle: [00:00:58] Never have never will.

Gabe: [00:01:00] Wow. So even though the entire country is watching this thing and it’s like a half an hour from your house you’re just avoiding the whole thing.

Michelle: [00:01:07] You have to get there before 6:00.

Gabe: [00:01:10] Oh, so you’re already you’ve already missed it.

Michelle: [00:01:12] Yeah.

Gabe: [00:01:12] You’ve already missed it. But you’ve never been, even though you’ve lived in New York your entire life?

Michelle: [00:01:17] Correct. Why would I want to stand outside, in the freezing cold, squished?

Gabe: [00:01:22] Have you ever been to the Rockefeller Christmas Tree?

Michelle: [00:01:25] I’ve seen it.

Gabe: [00:01:26] So you’re Jewish, and you’ve gone to the Christmas tree but you’re an American in New York and you’ve never seen the ball drop?

Michelle: [00:01:32] The only time I’ve been to the Christmas tree was that I was with my friend from New Zealand who was visiting and she says she wants to see the tree.

Gabe: [00:01:39] Gotcha. So if I come to New York, you’ll go to Times Square to watch the ball drop because I will be visiting.

Michelle: [00:01:46] No, it’s too cold.

Gabe: [00:01:47] Oh, you should make a New Year’s resolution to go out in the cold. Just because you weigh 90 pounds doesn’t mean that you have to freeze. They have excellent technology in coats.

Michelle: [00:01:58] Get me a heated coat.

Gabe: [00:01:59] Get you a heated coat?

Michelle: [00:02:01] Let me know. Yeah.

Gabe: [00:02:02] I’m going to buy you a coat. Set it on fire and put it on you.

Michelle: [00:02:07] Great idea. Gabe, yes. That’s exactly the way you should do it. Light a coat on fire. Yeah. In Times Square. Great. Great plan there. Yeah.

Gabe: [00:02:18] I didn’t say it was a great plan.

Michelle: [00:02:20] A coat on fire in the middle of Times Square on New Year’s. You’re not gonna cause any ruckus.

Gabe: [00:02:25] That’s funny. Michelle, what are your New Year’s resolutions? Now we took some time with this. We just,like, planned this out. We thought long and hard about New Year’s resolutions and we came up with our own New Year’s resolutions and then we each came up with a New Year’s resolution for each other.

Michelle: [00:02:44] Oh, we did?

Gabe: [00:02:45] Oh. I mean, I came up with several for you.

Michelle: [00:02:47] But I came up with a few for you.

Gabe: [00:02:47] Yeah?

Michelle: [00:02:47] Yeah, I can come up with a few for you.

Gabe: [00:02:50] [unintelligible]

Michelle: [00:02:50] [unintelligible] Even now you don’t even know what we are.

Gabe: [00:02:54] You get one.

Michelle: [00:02:54] Huh-uh.

Gabe: [00:02:56] No, you get one.

Michelle: [00:02:56] Huh-uh.

Gabe: [00:02:57] You get one.

Michelle: [00:02:58] Huh-uh.

Gabe: [00:02:58] You get one.

Michelle: [00:02:58] Huh-uh.

Gabe: [00:02:59] You get one. What is your first New Year’s resolution, Michelle?

Michelle: [00:03:01] Our resolutions, that we decided on, are kind of to improve our mental health in a way. What resolution could we do that will improve our mental health in some sort of way? Well here’s our resolution I have for myself; I will not sleep but definitely get up at 10 a.m. in the morning.

Gabe: [00:03:21] That one’s a lie. Oh wait, we’re not we’re not playing “Two Truths and a Lie.” I thought we were playing Two Truths and a Lie. I apologize.

Michelle: [00:03:30] That is my resolution.

Gabe: [00:03:30] That one’s the lie.

Michelle: [00:03:32] I want to add to my resolution. It’s my resolution! You don’t believe in my resolution, Gabe?

Gabe: [00:03:37] No. No I don’t.

Michelle: [00:03:41] This is nice. I was not meant to be funny. That is not a joke!

Gabe: [00:03:45] [Laughter]

Michelle: [00:03:51] What is your resolution? I wish. I’m going to visit. See my hair doesn’t grow red. And then maybe like that is a lie.

Gabe: [00:03:58] Actually I could meet that resolution because since I started working with you I have a lot of white and grey hair growing in.

Michelle: [00:04:04] You sound like one of those old people now.

Gabe: [00:04:07] I am one of those old people now.

Michelle: [00:04:09] Well, I don’t like that you don’t like my resolution.

Gabe: [00:04:10] I didn’t say that I didn’t like your resolution. It is an excellent resolution. I just that it was a lie.

Michelle: [00:04:19] But it’s a resolution, not a lie. It’s a resolution. Will it happen?

Gabe: [00:04:25] There is some psychological research on achieving resolutions. So step one is to have a New Year’s resolution. Your resolutions is to get up by 10:00 a.m. every day. Step two is to have a plan for how you plan to achieve it. So we’ve established step one what is your plan for achieving this resolution, Michelle?

Michelle: [00:04:45] You see, I haven’t come up with that yet. I was going to set some alarms and then remember my New Year’s resolution.

Gabe: [00:04:54] Do you remember when I showed you that subscription service that will call you until you wake up? It’s like twenty four dollars a month and it will literally just keep calling you until you recite the alphabet.

Michelle: [00:05:05] That would have been a really nice holiday gift.

Gabe: [00:05:08] I don’t? We don’t exchange for Hanukkah or Christmas. Why would I get you a gift?

Michelle: [00:05:11] Because of Judah Maccabee.

Gabe: [00:05:17] Judah Maccabee?

Michelle: [00:05:23] Torah character.

Gabe: [00:05:23] I’d like to inform our listeners that we had an attempt to make a joke, but it really just kind of came out anti-Semitic and we apologize. Moving right along. Michelle, so you don’t have a plan but you have a hope. What you have is a wish you wish that you could wake up by 10:00 a.m. but without a plan you are likely to fail at this.

Michelle: [00:05:47] I guess.

Gabe: [00:05:49] Now do you want to fail? Is this something that you’re saying on the podcast like, “[mockingly] I want to get up by 10:00 because I’m going to be a better person.” Or is it is this an actual goal of yours?

Michelle: [00:05:58] I really want to get up at 10.

Gabe: [00:06:01] I know that you really want to get up at 10:00, and I really want to lose weight. But my plan so far is to eat as many cupcakes as I can and hope the weight magically drops off. My New Year’s resolution this year is not to lose weight. You know why? Because I have no plan. I’m never going to lose the weight. I’m just a fat ass and I’ve accepted it. Also, have you seen the pictures of us together? There is no way I can lose enough weight to not look ridiculous. I am 6 foot 3 and you are 5 foot 2. And even if I lost 100 pounds, I would still look ridiculous standing next to you. So I’ve just given up. I’ve just given up. I’m gonna get fatter.

Michelle: [00:06:36] I don’t think that’s the way you should look at it. Your saying that you could never achieve the perfect body so you should just get fatter.

Gabe: [00:06:44] No, I’m saying that standing next to Michelle Hammer and in all of our publicity photos, I’m always gonna look fat and ridiculous because you’re so compact and tiny. Also, you’re pretty and I am not. So I think that rather than look like the guy who’s trying to look good standing next to the attractive young woman, I should just be the ugly guy. I’m basically – I’m Steve Buscemi. I’m just trying to Steve Buscemi this. He didn’t try to be handsome. He just stared right into the ugly.

Michelle: [00:07:11] Yeah. So what is your resolution?

Gabe: [00:07:16] My resolution, and I think that you will appreciate this resolution, is to be more understanding of all the deadlines that you miss because you overslept. My plan to achieve this is to raise all of my medications to a higher level and to practice radical acceptance. I accept that you suck.

Michelle: [00:07:40] That is the stupidest resolution I’ve ever heard.

Gabe: [00:07:45] What would be an example of a good resolution? I’m going to start getting up at 10 with no plan even though I never have in 30 years on this planet?

Michelle: [00:07:51] Listen, you think you know. But you have no idea.

Gabe: [00:07:56] That actually brings us to another psychological trick to help keep New Year’s resolutions, and that is consequences. Consequences for action. It sort of works on the swear jar basis. So if you swear, you put a dollar in the jar. What is the consequence if you break your New Year’s resolutions? So if you sleep past 10 what punishment are you going to impose on yourself?

Michelle: [00:08:17] What did they call [unintelligible] flatulence? Flat lists?

Gabe: [00:08:21] You’re gonna fart? What?

Michelle: [00:08:30] The people that whip themselves. I just saw on TV the other day. You know the witches.

Gabe: [00:08:37] So, if you sleep past ten you’re going to beat yourself?

Michelle: [00:08:41] What’s that called when you beat yourself with the whip or something?

Gabe: [00:08:47] Schizophrenia. You need to be reasonable in your consequence. Otherwise you won’t follow it. Like in the swear jar. You have to put in a dollar. A dollar will be like, “Oh my God I’ve got to put in a dollar.” There’s the act of putting it in and then in front of, like, your peers.

Michelle: [00:09:03] Why do people do swear jars? What’s so wrong about swearing? Can we talk about that? You didn’t like my new year’s resolution, but yours sucks, so I don’t really understand. Give me a real resolution.

Gabe: [00:09:17] My real resolution this year is not to make any resolutions.

Michelle: [00:09:21] That’s dumb.

Gabe: [00:09:24] That’s true. My honest to goodness New Year’s resolution is [unintelligible].

Michelle: [00:09:27] That would have been your last year’s resolution.

Gabe: [00:09:29] I didn’t make any last year for this very reason. I am so tired at failing. Because then you know, that that’s the thing. If you’re not going to keep your resolution don’t beat yourself up. And I think this is important especially for our community to understand.

Michelle: [00:09:42] It’s called a measurable goal.

Gabe: [00:09:43] Well it is. One, it is called a measurable goal but to if you’re not going to do it like for example let’s use that everybody’s favorite New Year’s resolution is weight loss. If you have no plan to actually lose weight or be healthier, don’t make the resolution because now you’re not going to lose weight and you’re gonna beat yourself up for failing. So instead of having one problem, which is that you’re overweight, you have two problems. That you’re an overweight failure. So it’s better just not to make the resolution. But sincerely, my honest resolution this year is to get up earlier as well. Now I can’t get up at 10 o’clock, but I’ve noticed that I am more productive if I get up earlier. You know my wife gets up at 5:00 a.m.

Michelle: [00:10:22] That’s – she cray.

Gabe: [00:10:23] Yeah. She’s straight up cray. I’m bipolar she’s nuts. Yeah, it works.

Michelle: [00:10:27] I’m schizophrenic, I don’t wake up at 5:00. She cray.

Gabe: [00:10:29] Yeah. But, I would like to get up by 6:30.

Michelle: [00:10:36] You cray.

Gabe: [00:10:36] I just, I do think that I’m more productive in the morning. As the day drains on, I get less and less productive. So that tells me that I would probably accomplish more if I got up earlier. But it is difficult, because you are more of a . . .  well you don’t get up until noon most days.

Michelle: [00:10:53] I stay up late.

Gabe: [00:10:54] Yeah, but you don’t work late. It’s not like you get a lot of work done overnight and I wake up in the morning to it.

Michelle: [00:11:00] This is true.

Gabe: [00:11:03] Just out of curiosity, can one of your New Year’s resolutions be to have work hours? I don’t care what they are. Your work hours can be midnight to 8. But right now your work hours are – eh.

Michelle: [00:11:12] My work hours are flexible.

Gabe: [00:11:19] Yeah. Another word for flexible is, I don’t know when to work so I don’t.

Michelle: [00:11:25] Then how is this podcast playing for these people right now who are listening?

Gabe: [00:11:29] Because I did all the work.

Michelle: [00:11:30] No you didn’t.

Gabe: [00:11:31] You’re not even here.

Michelle: [00:11:33] You did not upload this.

Gabe: [00:11:35] I have a Casio synthesizer with all of Michelle’s catch phrases in it and I just press them.

Michelle: [00:11:40] That’s not even funny, because you never know what I’m going to say.

Gabe: [00:11:44] Yeah, that was B flat.

Michelle: [00:11:45] No, it’s not.

Gabe: [00:11:46] That was C.

Michelle: [00:11:46] D E F G where I want to know a [unintelligible] says takes a popping.

Gabe: [00:11:55] Remember that plan we had? We were gonna record you, like, apologizing? Like you’re right, Gabe, I shouldn’t have done that. We’re just gonna record them all and give them to our producer so that anytime there was a podcast where you were just unrepentantly awful, we would just, you know. You’re just like I beat up a guy and I kicked him. Do you feel bad about it now? And we just insert, yes, I feel bad. I should not have done that that would have been phenomenal. Can we do that? Record some right now?

Michelle: [00:12:22] I’m really sorry Gabe. It was the wrong thing to do.

Gabe: [00:12:29] Yes.

Michelle: [00:12:29] I really deserved to be fired that time.

Gabe: [00:12:33] Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Michelle: [00:12:36] I shouldn’t have yelled at that person.

Gabe: [00:12:37] Mm hmm. Maybe throw one in for your mom. My mom was right, I was mean to her. Good good good. Maybe another one now.

Michelle: [00:12:53] She’s really good at cooking.

Gabe: [00:12:56] That’s it? The only thing you can say about your mom? Maybe one of your New Year’s resolutions should be to be nicer to your mother.

Michelle: [00:13:02] Perhaps. Maybe, maybe, I need to be a little more understanding.

Gabe: [00:13:05] Do you have a plan to be more understanding?

Michelle: [00:13:08] Well, you just told me this right now, Gabe. So I didn’t come up with a plan within three seconds.

Gabe: [00:13:14] So that’s a no. I just don’t think you’re prepared. I’m sorry I’m gonna have to let you go.

Michelle: [00:13:18] Pause right there we have to hear from our sponsor.

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Gabe: [00:14:26] We’re back. Just listen to this moron keep going. Your resolution should be to stop drinking soda soda.

Gabe: [00:14:34] What’s wrong with soda?

Michelle: [00:14:38] Google it.

Gabe: [00:14:39] OK. So, before we continue along this, remember we each get one New Year’s resolution for the other person. Is this what you want your New Year’s resolution for Gabe Howard to be?

Michelle: [00:14:48] Yes.

Gabe: [00:14:49] So you want the New Year’s resolution for me to be to stop drinking Diet Coke?

Michelle: [00:14:53] All soda because then you would just be like, “Oh man, I drink diet Pepsi.”

Gabe: [00:14:58] No, that would never happen. That would totally not happen, but fine. You want me to give up Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, diet anything? Also if it has fizzy bubbles it’s out.

Michelle: [00:15:09] You can have seltzer.

Gabe: [00:15:10] Oh, I can just drink straight up seltzer water?

Michelle: [00:15:12] Like Pellegrino too.

Gabe: [00:15:14] Oh, you think I’m your dead grandpa. Is that what happened here? Am I Al? Did he drink seltzer? He did didn’t he? I don’t even know. I didn’t intend it. He’s got it. I know he did.

Michelle: [00:15:23] I’m not really sure. I don’t know.

Gabe: [00:15:25] We could ask Blanche. Blanche, did Al drink Seltzer?

Michelle: [00:15:28] No.

Gabe: [00:15:29] Well I guess I was wrong. OK. So now if you made a plan for me to stop drinking Diet Coke what would it be? Because cold turkey is never going to work. I’m not going to stop drinking Diet Coke cold turkey.

Michelle: [00:15:41] Smaller increments.

Gabe: [00:15:43] Ok.

Michelle: [00:15:43] Today if you have it. How many glasses of Diet Coke do you drink in a day?

Gabe: [00:15:48] So they come in, they come in 30 ounces. And I drink 30 a day.

Michelle: [00:15:53] Just down by one every day.

Gabe: [00:15:55] So in a month or so. So twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven? So, so, roughly in February I would be down to zero?

Michelle: [00:16:01] Yes.

Gabe: [00:16:01] Now what should I drink when I go out? Like when I go to the movies and I order popcorn? What should I drink with the popcorn?

Michelle: [00:16:07] Water.

Gabe: [00:16:08] OK. Is anybody in the history of time ever had popcorn and water?

Michelle: [00:16:13] I have.

Gabe: [00:16:14] No, you haven’t.

Michelle: [00:16:15] Yes, I have.

Gabe: [00:16:16] You lie.

Michelle: [00:16:16] No, I have.

Gabe: [00:16:17] Are you drinking a soda right now?

Michelle: [00:16:18] Doesn’t matter. This is not my New Year’s resolution. And next to my soda is my water.

Gabe: [00:16:25] Yeah, but I’m drinking a water next to my soda as well. Yes.

Michelle: [00:16:28] How many sodas have you had today?

Gabe: [00:16:30] Today? I mean, it’s early so seven.

Michelle: [00:16:34] How many have I had?

Gabe: [00:16:34] I don’t know. What?

Michelle: [00:16:36] This would be number one.

Gabe: [00:16:39] [unintelligible] But, this actually illustrates a really good point, and I think it’s worth discussing. Your New Year’s resolution for me is unattainable. It is absolutely unattainable. I am never going to completely, 100 percent, give up Diet Coke. It’s not a realistic goal. But as you have pointed out, and as you are correct, and I will admit to the audience, and you can you can frame this on your wall. Michelle Hammer is correct. I drink an unhealthy amount of diet soda. It is true. She is right. But you would be better off saying, “You know, Gabe, why do you get up in the morning and go drink Diet Coke? Maybe you should just limit your diet coke intake to the movies or as a special treat a few times a week? Or maybe when you go out to dinner?” Don’t you think that would have been like much more reasonable and maybe more attainable for me to achieve?

Michelle: [00:17:26] Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Those are better ideas.

Gabe: [00:17:29] Yeah. But since you didn’t come up with them, you’re going to have to wait until the end of next year to offer this. Assuming that we haven’t gotten canceled.

Michelle: [00:17:36] Ok.

Gabe: [00:17:37] Fair enough. OK. So now here is my new year’s resolution for you; I want you to stop vaping? OK? Completely.

Michelle: [00:17:48] How do you? How do I go about doing this?

Gabe: [00:17:49] You stop.

Michelle: [00:17:51] How?

Gabe: [00:17:51] Well, are you addicted to vaping.

Michelle: [00:17:52] Yeah.

Gabe: [00:17:54] Wait, I thought that the advantage of vaping was that it was non addictive.

Michelle: [00:17:58] No it’s that there’s not smoke.

Gabe: [00:17:59] But it’s still addictive?

Michelle: [00:18:01] Yeah. There’s nicotine in it.

Gabe: [00:18:03] So you’re still taking nicotine? Sucking it into your lungs and breathing it out? And that’s supposed to be healthier for you?

Michelle: [00:18:10] It’s that they don’t know the long term effects entirely. But it’s supposed to be healthier because it’s not smoke entering your lungs.

Gabe: [00:18:17] I love how they’re like they don’t know, but it’s supposed to be. You know it will be worse for you.

Michelle: [00:18:23] You never know. Who knows?

Gabe: [00:18:24] Why did you pick this up in the first place?

Michelle: [00:18:28] I don’t know

Gabe: [00:18:28] I want you to stop smoking everything. There should be just no.  No smoke, no vape, no puff. Just no. There is no reason to inhale a foreign substance into your lungs. That is what I want for Michelle Hammer. I think you’d be happier.

Michelle: [00:18:45] Why?

Gabe: [00:18:47] Because you are kind of a health nut. It always kind of surprised me that you were willing to do this anyway. I mean, you once walked up 100 flights of stairs. You were in Lacrosse magazine. This is how serious you take your physical health, and then you’re just like, “carcinogens are good.” Like, what’s up with that? Like this does not fit your personality. So it also makes me worry about you on a mental health level.

Michelle: [00:19:11] Yeah. I think it’s more mental than it is physical.

Gabe: [00:19:15] So the first thing that I would suggest is addressing why you need this crutch. Because I think you very much use it as a crutch. Because whenever we’re doing a lot of work and there’s a lot of stress and there’s people around us, you you start puffing on that thing like nothing. This is your bankie.

Michelle: [00:19:31] You’re a little bit right about that one, Sugar.

Gabe: [00:19:33] You are Linus and that thing you’re sucking on is that blue blanket.

Michelle: [00:19:38] Mm hmm. Hit the nail on the head, why dontcha?

Gabe: [00:19:45] I want you to say, “Gabe you’re right.”

Michelle: [00:19:46] I’m not going to say that.

Gabe: [00:19:49] Say, “Thanks for looking out for me.”

Michelle: [00:19:51] Uh, brains.

Gabe: [00:19:57] This awkward silence is brought to you by Michelle not wanting to admit that she was wrong and Gabe not letting it go. She also just puffed on her vape pen and blew it in my face. Which is impressive because she’s in New York. So mean. That is so mean. Let’s switch gears for a moment and talk about some New Year’s resolutions that would help our mental health. And we don’t wanna spend a lot of time on them. We just gonna want to put them in people’s heads. Because people tend to think about like big things, like saving more money, or losing weight, or stop smoking, or stop drinking Diet Coke, or stay away from junk food. But what are little things that we can do? And the biggest example I have, and one that you know we really do promote a lot on this show. What about making amends with somebody? What about, you know, pulling out, like, a card you can buy one for a dollar at Wally World and writing a note to somebody that says, “Look, I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. I was wrong?” And mailing it off? Do you think that could be, like, a powerful new year’s resolution?

Michelle: [00:21:04] It could be. That I don’t know. I, personally, would never do such a thing.

Gabe: [00:21:06] But why? Why would you never do it? Because I know you, Michelle. I mean, we’re friends and we’ve worked together for a long time and you do have regrets. There are people that you feel badly for the way that you treated them. What would be so hard about just writing, “You know I’m really sorry for the way that I treated you. And I hope you’re OK. Sincerely, Michelle” and dropping in the mail? The whole thing would cost you like two bucks and 20 minutes.

Michelle: [00:21:28] I don’t think there’s anyone I really need to do that for.

Gabe: [00:21:32] What about a thank you note? What about a thank you note to somebody that’s no longer in your life? What about, like, you know, I’m going to use your lacrosse coach because you talk about her all the time. What about dropping her a note to say, you know, thanks for looking out for me when I was in college. Because of you, I’m a better person?

Michelle: [00:21:47] I speak with her, still. It’s not like I don’t talk to her.

Gabe: [00:21:50] Have you ever thanked her?

Michelle: [00:21:51] Yes.

Gabe: [00:21:52] What about your mom? You ever thank her?

Michelle: [00:21:53] Probably.

Gabe: [00:21:54] Probably? That was like like for real. Every single person that heard that probably was like bullshit like like seriously like like all 20 thousand of our listeners all said bullshit at the exact same time. There is not a person within the sound of your voice and it’s recorded. So they’re like backing it up listening to it again and saying bullshit again. They can’t believe that you won’t even thank your mom on this show. She’s not even here.

Michelle: [00:22:23] Thank you, Mom.

Gabe: [00:22:24] Thank you, Mom. Because of you I am alive.

Michelle: [00:22:28] She didn’t do anything else for you?

Gabe: [00:22:29] I think that’s a lot. I mean you know birth and all. She also cooks.

Michelle: [00:22:35] I mean, it’s pretty easy to make you. I’m just saying.

Gabe: [00:22:37] Wow. That’s not how I’ve heard the story. Oh, God! There was a Dodge Charger and a parking space in rural Pennsylvania there was –

Michelle: [00:22:51] What?

Gabe: [00:22:51] Yeah. It was a mess. It was a mess. I was not conceived in love. I was conceived in some sort of, like, cold lusty Valentine’s Day in 1970. It was a mess. It was just a mess.

Michelle: [00:23:03] That’s really hot. Gabe tell me more.

Gabe: [00:23:06] That’s one of those pre-recorded ones that Adam just stuck in.

Michelle: [00:23:12] [Laughter]

Gabe: [00:23:13] Michelle, what are some easy New Year’s resolutions that anybody can do that will have lasting improvements on our mental health? And that’s relatively simple?

Michelle: [00:23:23] How about being more open with your therapist?

Gabe: [00:23:27] That would be a good one.

Michelle: [00:23:28] I mean, don’t you think that you’ve ever been at little, maybe, quiet with your therapist on certain topics? And there’s things you don’t talk about, even though you know you’re supposed to talk about the things you don’t want to talk about?

Gabe: [00:23:41] I completely agree. What about writing a nice note on your mirror every morning for you to see when you get home? Something like, “You’re a good person. I like you. You did great today. You’re awesome? Don’t forget to listen to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a podcast ?” You know, stuff like that. What about. I mean they’re daily affirmations.

Michelle: [00:24:01] A note for yourself?

Gabe: [00:24:02] Yeah. Like write it in the morning and that way when you get home from work or school or the activities of the day you see it on the mirror. Like in your bathroom.

Michelle: [00:24:10] Yeah, but I have a roommate.

Gabe: [00:24:12] Okay. I mean, that one would be creepy. I mean, he might think that you’re hitting on him.

Michelle: [00:24:15] I know. That would be, like, really weird.

Gabe: [00:24:17] So that only works if you have your own bathroom. But you can also write it on a calendar. You can also write it. You can send an email to yourself every day. You can use like Gmail has a scheduling feature so you can you can schedule an email to just automatically send it to you later. Or just literally just write it on a calendar. Go buy one of those paper calendars and every day at the end of the day write a note about something that you did well. It forces you to think about why you’re a good person. That would be an easy New Year’s resolution.

Michelle: [00:24:46] To write myself notes?

Gabe: [00:24:48] Positive affirmations. To write a positive affirmation about yourself or your day.

Michelle: [00:24:53] Ok.

Gabe: [00:24:55] But it’s easy. It’s not hard.

Michelle: [00:24:57] It’s a lot of, lot of, notes. I don’t need to be writing myself all these notes. I don’t need to do that.

Gabe: [00:25:02] Look, I didn’t say write yourself a love letter. I said write a sentence. You can’t come up with one positive sentence every day?

Michelle: [00:25:07] Why do I need to write one positive sentence every day? I don’t need that in my life.

Gabe: [00:25:11] You don’t need to hear one positive thing everyday about Michelle Hammer?

Michelle: [00:25:15] I hear it from other people.

Gabe: [00:25:16] Really?

Michelle: [00:25:17] Yeah.

Gabe: [00:25:18] People are just following you around complementing you?

Michelle: [00:25:19] All the time. All the time.

Gabe: [00:25:21] Wow!

Michelle: [00:25:21] My Instagram comments.

Gabe: [00:25:23] Is this in your heart?

Michelle: [00:25:23] Heart, heart  heart, heart. All of my Instagram, haha.

Gabe: [00:25:27] Yes, we all know that social media is the best place to get positive affirmation.

Michelle: [00:25:32] Well, it’s better than my mirror. For my roommate who put up positive things about himself and I thought they were mine. Just kidding.

Gabe: [00:25:40] If he starts doing it we know he listens to the show.

Michelle: [00:25:41] Oh my God. That would be so funny. Gabe?

Gabe: [00:25:44] Yes.

Michelle: [00:25:44] All in all, do you just not like New Year’s resolutions?

Gabe: [00:25:49] I think that New Year’s resolutions are kind of a trap. But I think that they can be made to work for us because if it makes us think, “Hey, I need to do something nice for myself and I’m going to take positive steps to make it work.” I think it can be a very positive thing. But I also think it’s kind of sad that we only want to make ourselves better once a year. I mean, why do we only have New Year’s resolutions? What about trying to make ourselves better in February, or March, or April. or November, or I don’t know some other month I can’t think of right now? Why do we only want to be better now? We started thinking about it for two weeks in December and then we fail miserably in January and then we beat ourselves up the rest of the year. And I think that that’s kind of nonsense. And I think there’s a lot of data that says that one, we reach way too high and two, we don’t have a plan. I sincerely hope that you get up at 10 a.m. every day, Michelle. And I do think that you can do it. But I don’t think you’ll do it if you don’t have a plan. And I think that I can drink less Diet Coke, but I don’t think that I’ll do it without a plan. And my New Year’s resolution for you is for you to get up earlier because I think you waste a lot of the day and that you don’t get a lot of stuff done. Like really valuable stuff. Valuable stuff for you, valuable stuff for the podcast, valuable stuff for the mental health community. And it just kind of bums me out that you sleep the day away. But I practice radical acceptance and I know that that’s none of my business.

Michelle: [00:27:15] Yup.

Gabe: [00:27:16] You should totally subscribe to that service where they call you though. Mama Hammer, if you’re listening, I give you permission to call your daughter every morning at 10:00 a.m. to wake her up. It is her New Year’s resolution, and we want to put her in a position to succeed. Michelle, what are you gonna say at 10:00 a.m. every morning when your mom calls?

Michelle: [00:27:35] Is not that late yet.

Gabe: [00:27:38] Honey, it’s 10:00. It is. It’s totally 10:00.

Michelle: [00:27:40] Yeah, liar.

Gabe: [00:27:40] No, I’m not lying.

Michelle: [00:27:42] In five minutes.

Gabe: [00:27:44] No, it’s not five more minutes.

Michelle: [00:27:45] I don’t want to get up.

Gabe: [00:27:46] You can do it. Gabe believes in you.

Michelle: [00:27:48] No.

Gabe: [00:27:49] That’s true. He thinks you’re going to fail. Don’t you want to get up to prove him wrong?

Michelle: [00:27:54] No.

Gabe: [00:27:54] You really want Gabe to be right?

Michelle: [00:27:56] I don’t care.

Gabe: [00:27:56] And you know what happens when Gabe’s right, he never lets it go.

Michelle: [00:27:59] Who cares?

Gabe: [00:28:01] You should get up.

Michelle: [00:28:02] I sleep. Me sleep.

Gabe: [00:28:04] Wow. Even from this vantage point right now, you have already described failure. You did not even describe your New Year’s resolution as a success. I asked you five different times and gave you every opportunity to succeed in your mind. Even in your dream you could not succeed. I see great things. Thank you everybody for listening to this week’s episode of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. We hope you have a great 2019! If you make no other New Year’s resolutions, go to and resolve to buy a shirt to support the podcast. Define normal. We don’t want you to do it. We do want you to wear the shirt. Thank you everybody. And we will see you next week.

Michelle: [00:28:52] Happy 2019!

Announcer: [00:28:53] You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you love this episode, don’t keep it to yourself. Head over to iTunes, or your preferred podcast app, to subscribe, rate, and review. To work with Gabe go to To work with Michelle, go to schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources and online support groups, head over to PsychCentral The show’s official Web site is You can e-mail us at Thank you for listening and share widely.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit


MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.

Podcast: New Year’s Resolutions from a Bipolar and a Schizophrenic

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APA Reference
Podcast, N. (2019). Podcast: New Year’s Resolutions from a Bipolar and a Schizophrenic. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 7 Jan 2019 (Originally: 31 Dec 2018)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 Jan 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.