Hypersexuality is a very common symptom of bipolar mania and a potential symptom of schizophrenia, as well. Both Gabe and Michelle have experienced being hypersexual, but because of their ages and genders, it manifested itself in different ways.
However, their personal differences aside, there is one thing that both our hosts completely agree on. . . Listen now to find out.
“Hypersexuality is not a good thing. It was a need that I had to fill.”
– Gabe Howard
Highlights From ‘Hypersexuality’’ Episode
[1:40] What is the correct definition of hypersexuality?
[4:30] The history of sex as we understand it.
[6:45] Why hypersexuality is not a good thing.
[10:00] Being hypersexual in the digital age.
[12:30] Gabe & Michelle explain Sex Bingo.
[16:30] Is hypersexuality a compulsion, like addiction?
[22:00] It’s important to have sex safe, no matter what.
Computer Generated Transcript for ‘Hypersexuality with a Bipolar and Schizophrenic’ Show
Editor’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you.
Announcer: [00:00:07] For reasons that utterly escape everyone involved, you’re listening to A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast. Here are your hosts, Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer.
Gabe: [00:00:18] You’re listening to A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and A Podcast. My name is Gabe Howard. I have bipolar.
Michelle: [00:00:23] Hi, I’m Michelle, I’m schizophrenic.
Gabe: [00:00:26] And today we’re going to talk about sex.
Michelle: [00:00:28] Sex? I don’t know if it is gay. What is that? Is this sex ed?
Gabe: [00:00:32] I think that it’s funny that you’re already uncomfortable. The great Michelle Hammer is not uncomfortable about anything, anything until two things happen. A microphone flips on and you think that your mom might be listening.
Michelle: [00:00:46] When I learned sex ed in fifth grade, that video showed me where I was going to grow hair.
Gabe: [00:00:51] Oh, my God. That I… You have left me speechless. You know,… this… it’s…We’re going to talk a lot about specifically hypersexuality, because it’s one of those things that a lot of people with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, it happens. It’s a part of mania. It’s a part of delusional thinking. It’s something that feels good and then gets twisted, which is mental illness’ is specialty.
Michelle: [00:01:14] I hope you don’t start twisting when you have sex. I hope nothing gets twisted when you start having sex. I don’t want anything twisting on you.
Gabe: [00:01:21] Listen, the way that I have sex is my personal business.
Michelle: [00:01:24] Fine, twist it up. You know, when it when it hangs low tie it in a knot and tie it in a bow. Hang it over your shoulder.
Gabe: [00:01:29] I wish people could see how uncomfortable Michelle is. She is she is as red as my hair right now. Before we talk about hypersexuality too much, we should define it using real words.
Michelle: [00:01:44] OK.
Gabe: [00:01:44] Hypersexuality is defined as a dysfunctional preoccupation with sexual fantasy, often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non intimate sex, pornography, compulsive masturbation, romantic intensity and objectified partner sex for a period of at least six months. Even its definition doesn’t sound sexy. Yet, people think that it does sound sexy because people think that hypersexuality simply means lots of sex. And it just doesn’t.
Michelle: [00:02:12] It doesn’t.
Gabe: [00:02:13] It doesn’t. But we should also cover what hypersexuality is not. It’s not looking at porn. That doesn’t make you hypersexual. It’s not engaging in fetishes or being aroused by things that maybe you consider to be atypical. It’s not homosexuality. It’s not being bisexual. That’s not hypersexuality, that’s not sexual addiction. That’s none of the things that we’re talking about. Hypersexuality is when you use sex to really regulate your emotions and your feelings. If you have a bad day, you have to have sex. And that’s not normal. Most people don’t consistently utilize sexual arousal as a means of feeling better when having a bad day. Healthy people reach out to friends and their family members for support when they’re upset. If you get upset and the first thing you want is sex, if you have a bad day and the first thing that you want is sex, if you have a good day and the first thing that you want is sex. If all of your high or low emotions, your extreme emotions, are driving you to have sex. That’s what hypersexuality is. We’re going to go off on the biggest tangent the show has ever had. We’re just gonna forget that we’re mentally ill.
Michelle: [00:03:17] Oh, God. Okay.
Gabe: [00:03:17] What is it about sex that makes our society just, I mean, we literally use scantily clad women to sell gum. But talking about sex makes almost everybody uncomfortable. Like, what’s up with that?
Michelle: [00:03:30] I don’t really know what’s up with that. It’s something you’re not supposed to talk about sex. But, we all know what was it? What was that? Salt-N-Pepa? Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. I mean, it obviously has been a problem for a long time if a son had to talk about it.
Gabe: [00:03:45] That’s fair. And that song is like really like you’ve dated me. Like I was in high school when that song came out
Michelle: [00:03:50] I was like in elementary school, or younger, or a fetus. I don’t even know.
Gabe: [00:03:54] I’m picturing like a nine year old Michelle Hammer sing Salt-N_Pepa.
Michelle: [00:03:58] I don’t think I was probably allowed to listen to that song when it came out.
Gabe: [00:04:01] When have you ever only done what you’re allowed to do?
Michelle: [00:04:05] I know. Sneaking watching 90210. Yeah. R.I.P. Luke Perry, R.I.P.
Gabe: [00:04:09] Aww, R.I.P. Luke Perry
Michelle: [00:04:09] R.I.P.
Gabe: [00:04:09] Sadness
Michelle: [00:04:13] Dylan McKay, miss you forever.
Gabe: [00:04:13] You know, 90210 was another show about teenagers who had a lot of sex. You weren’t allowed to watch it because of all of the sex that was in it. And that show was geared toward high schoolers.
Michelle: [00:04:25] But I was much younger than that.
Gabe: [00:04:26] Well, yes, but my point is, is that sex is everywhere. But yet when it comes to talking about sex from a medical perspective, and that’s really where the show is going to end up eventually, I promise. Why do we have such a problem with it?
Michelle: [00:04:41] It’s been a problem throughout society. I know that the beginning of the women’s sexual anything. Back in the day, women would go to the doctor and they would pull out like the vibrator and vibrate on the women’s clit. And then they would have an orgasm. And that’s like a medical thing they used to do because they didn’t know that women actually were supposed to feel pleasure from sex.
Gabe: [00:05:00] It is interesting that you bring that up because that’s absolutely true. A lot of people don’t realize that the modern day vibrator used to be a medical device. It was created in asylums to calm down hysterical women. Hysterical. Hysterectomy. These are words because doctors believed women’s reproductive organs were tied to their mental health. The sex study was started by Kinsey and he started a whole foundation where they polled a whole bunch of people anonymously about their sexual proclivities. The things that they liked, the things that they didn’t like. Kinsey learned so much about sexuality that people just did not understand in the 50s.
Michelle: [00:05:39] Like what?
Gabe: [00:05:40] Like that people like to have sex. Or that women could orgasm or, and this was big, that women masturbated. There was this misunderstanding that women did not like, enjoy, or want sex, that it was a chore for them. It was a marital obligation. It was literally their marital duty.
Michelle: [00:05:57] The lie back and think of England?
Gabe: [00:06:00] Yeah, we believed as a society that this was true. And then we found out through a lot of, thank God for science, that it turns out that women like sex. But a lot of women…
Michelle: [00:06:10] Yeah, good thing for you, Gabe. Thank God. Hey, what would you do if women didn’t like sex?
Gabe: [00:06:14] Well, but see, that’s the thing, though. Our society was so messed up that even though women didn’t like sex, they were still expected to have it.
Michelle: [00:06:23] I see what you’re saying.
Gabe: [00:06:23] We believed as a society that women did not enjoy sex. Yet they were required to do it. And we had phrases like “wifely duties.” This all segues into hypersexuality because there is probably not a more misunderstood symptom. Because the number one thing that people think about hypersexuality is that it’s awesome. They think it’s fun. People think hypersexuality is somehow good. It’s not. We’re gonna talk about a lot of stuff, and some of it we’re not gonna have horrible memories of because, hey, this is our lives. We don’t want to regret everything. But the underlying message in this entire show is that hypersexuality takes from you. It doesn’t give. It just doesn’t. There is a world of difference between having a lot of sex, which is good, and hypersexuality, which is not good. And nobody seems to understand that. Everybody thinks that one hypersexuality is fun and two hypersexuality is not a symptom of a serious problem.
Michelle: [00:07:27] What do you think about that?
[00:07:29] I think that I thought the same thing. I think that I thought that hyper exuality was having a lot of sex. It kind of sounds like it, doesn’t it? Hypersexuality, lots of sex, having sex furiously.
Michelle: [00:07:41] You say you’re hypersexual, yes?
Gabe: [00:07:41] Before medication, before treatment, before everything? Yeah. Yeah.
Michelle: [00:07:47] So you did not enjoy it?
Gabe: [00:07:49] Did I enjoy having a lot of sex? Yes. Because here’s the thing that I want to explain, it was a compulsion. It was a need that I had to fill. So by filling it, I got relief from.
Michelle: [00:08:01] Was the need like you’re so horny or is the need that you want to be with somebody?
Gabe: [00:08:07] Oh, it had nothing to do with the other person. Hyper sexuality has nothing to do with your partner.
Michelle: [00:08:10] So you were just like horny, horny, horny, horny, horny, horny, horny.
Gabe: [00:08:14] I don’t know that I would say horny, horny, horny, horny. Well, I’d say that it’s almost like an alcoholic that has to drink. They’re not thirsty. They’re compelled to do it. Or, you ever take a pack of cigarettes away from a smoker?
Michelle: [00:08:25] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:08:26] They’re just so desperate for that cigarette that they’re not even enjoying it anymore. And they’re yelling at people and they’re screaming and they’re bumming cigarettes off people and they’re angry. And then when they finally get that cigarette, they feel better. But really? That does not look like a person who’s enjoying it. Or are they just compelled? It’s a compulsion. Michelle, you have also been hypersexual. Was it something that you enjoyed or was it something that was required?
Michelle: [00:08:51] It was almost like a fun game.
Gabe: [00:08:53] A fun game?
Michelle: [00:08:54] A fun game. Yeah.
Gabe: [00:08:55] Really? So in your mind, hypersexuality and monopoly are like equivalents.
Michelle: [00:09:01] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:09:02] Were you the hat?
Michelle: [00:09:03] I sure. I don’t know. I don’t know all the characters in Monopoly. I’ve only ever played Monopoly Junior.
Gabe: [00:09:08] I love how you said the “characters” in Monopoly rather than the tokens.
Michelle: [00:09:12] I don’t even know they’re called tokens, but whatever. I am not that familiar with Monopoly. I’m not attracted to the monopoly, man.
Gabe: [00:09:18] But you’re familiar with it?
Michelle: [00:09:19] Nobody ever paid me two hundred dollars for passing “Go.”
Gabe: [00:09:20] Oh, you knew a reference?
Michelle: [00:09:23] Yes. If I got paid two hundred dollars every time when I made a man pass go, I’d have a lot of money.
Gabe: [00:09:30] How much money, Michelle?
Michelle: [00:09:32] More than two hundred dollars.
Gabe: [00:09:34] More than 400 dollars?
Michelle: [00:09:35] Perhaps. Hold up. Here’s our sponsor.
Announcer: [00:09:39] This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com. Secure, convenient, and affordable online counselling. All counselors are licensed, accredited professionals. Anything you share is confidential. Schedule secure video or phone sessions, plus chat and text with your therapist, whenever you feel it’s needed. A month of online therapy often costs less than a single traditional face to face session. Go to BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral and experience seven days of free therapy to see if online counselling is right for you. BetterHelp.com/PsychCentral.
Gabe: [00:10:10] We’re back talking hypersexuality. We experienced hypersexuality n very different ways because male and female. But we also experienced hypersexuality differently because generationally, we’re over a decade apart. During my biggest hypersexual times, you know, there wasn’t Tinder. There wasn’t the Internet. There wasn’t online dating services. I had to go out to bars and find people. How was it different for you? Because you just hopped on Tinder and people came to your house?
Michelle: [00:10:37] It’s actually also living in New York City. Tinder can be very easy. You go on Tinder and you put it on one mile radius.
Gabe: [00:10:46] Really?
Michelle: [00:10:46] Yup, one mile radius. So you know who is in the neighborhood and you start getting messages that people you met you meet up with like, oh, you’re in Astoria? I’m in Astoria. Oh, you’re so close. We’re in Astoria over there. Oh, wow. We’re neighbors. Oh, we’re neighbors. That’s so cool. You’re so convenient. Well, I’m like, yeah, this guy doesn’t realize that I put it on one mile radius.
Gabe: [00:11:06] Did you regret it? Like when it was over, did you think, oh, I’m a bad person or did you not care?
Michelle: [00:11:11] Oh, I didn’t care.
Gabe: [00:11:12] That’s interesting. Do you think that is the typical experience of the average female? On one hand, you’re like, oh, I didn’t care. I was fine with it. But yet you are embarrassed by it.
Michelle: [00:11:20] It’s not that I’m embarrassed by it. It’s just there’s judgment about it. I mean, a lot of girls wouldn’t do stuff like that, but I don’t think anyone should judge anybody by what they choose to do as long as you’re being safe. I think what’s more judgmental is that you let a stranger into your home because you never know, you know? Like murders.
Gabe: [00:11:41] Did you learn hundreds upon hundreds of strangers in to your home?
Michelle: [00:11:43] Not hundreds upon hundreds. Are you nuts? I didn’t let hundreds. Come on.
Gabe: [00:11:45] So like dozens?
Michelle: [00:11:47] Possibly. I don’t know.
Gabe: [00:11:49] So you lost count?
Michelle: [00:11:51] Oh, I have no idea. The count. Do you know your count?
Gabe: [00:11:54] Yes.
Michelle: [00:11:55] You know your count?
Gabe: [00:11:55] I don’t know what exactly, but I know that it’s in the hundreds.
Michelle: [00:12:00] I’m not in the hundreds, Gabe, I’m nowhere near the hundreds.
Gabe: [00:12:02] Thanks. That was very judgy.
Michelle: [00:12:03] I wasn’t judging you.
Gabe: [00:12:05] Yes, you were.
Michelle: [00:12:06] Shut up. But I played a game, so I was with a therapist, but not my therapist. Don’t worry. I’ve been with a psychologist, not my psychologist. But I always wanted the trifecta and get a psychiatrist. I haven’t done that, and I don’t know if that’s going to happen. But wouldn’t that be awesome?
Gabe: [00:12:20] This is where you scare me sometimes. Because I had sex with a psychologist. I also had sex with a therapist.
Michelle: [00:12:28] Oh, no.
Gabe: [00:12:29] And I absolutely, unequivocally want to have sex with a psychiatrist.
Michelle: [00:12:33] Oh, my God, no, I’m Gabe.
Gabe: [00:12:35] You know, I call this game sex bingo.
Michelle: [00:12:39] Yes, it is such sex bingo.
Gabe: [00:12:41] Is it healthy, though?
Michelle: [00:12:42] Wait, can we make a game called sex bingo?
Gabe: [00:12:45] I already did. This is my game. I’ve been playing it since I was 19 years old.
Michelle: [00:12:51] And do you have races, different races and religions on your sex bingo?
Gabe: [00:12:55] I really go by like personality traits and or jobs.
Michelle: [00:12:58] Gingers? Brown hair?
Gabe: [00:12:58] I don’t really care about hair color.
Michelle: [00:13:00] Doctor, lawyer?
Gabe: [00:13:02] Lawyer.
Michelle: [00:13:03] I have lawyer.
Gabe: [00:13:05] You have lawyer?
Michelle: [00:13:05] I have lawyer.
Gabe: [00:13:06] I don’t have lawyer. What’s the free spot? Oh, yeah, masturbation. That was a freebie right there.
Michelle: [00:13:14] Your hand.
Gabe: [00:13:14] Your hand?
Michelle: [00:13:16] Or your vibrator.
Gabe: [00:13:18] What do you think of the fleshlight?
Michelle: [00:13:20] I have never used a fleshlight because I’m a woman.
Gabe: [00:13:22] Yeah, that was a stupid question.
Michelle: [00:13:24] Me and my friends were in a bar with a bunch of firefighters one time. And the firefighters, they were saying that one over there, he’s got a fleshlight. So we all started talking to him about his fleshlight. And he’s like, well, you know, with a fleshlight, you don’t have to talk to them before and after.
Gabe: [00:13:39] Wow.
Michelle: [00:13:39] Yeah, that’s what he said.
Gabe: [00:13:40] Did that make him more or less attractive to you?
Michelle: [00:13:43] Much less attractive.
Gabe: [00:13:43] Really?
Michelle: [00:13:45] He doesn’t want to talk to a girl before and after? He’d rather just bone his fleshlight?
Gabe: [00:13:50] This is the core difference, I think, between men and women. Not like across the board. But if a woman said that to me, I don’t want to talk before and after, I’d be like, excellent. This could work. Not any more, though. We have both grown tremendously as people because we do know people who listen to this show and they’re like, oh my God. For example, my wife listens. And if somebody is a first timer listening to the show, they’re like, wait, that guy’s married? Oh, my God. But this was.
Michelle: [00:14:17] Tell her to become a psychiatrist.
Gabe: [00:14:20] This is an excellent idea. You know, you should tell your significant other to become a psychiatrist.
Michelle: [00:14:25] Oh, that’s a good idea.
Gabe: [00:14:25] Oh, my God. Why didn’t we think of this? Oh, my God, what if, now that we are monogamous, our sex bingo should really be about getting our significant other as many jobs as possible.
Michelle: [00:14:37] [Laughter]
Gabe: [00:14:37] We’re gonna have the most successful spouses in the world.
Michelle: [00:14:42] Yes.
Gabe: [00:14:42] Hi. What do you do for a living? I’m a doctor, a lawyer, a psychiatrist, a brain surgeon.
Michelle: [00:14:46] A pilot?
Gabe: [00:14:47] I’m a pilot. I’m an engineer. What is your max number in a day?
Michelle: [00:14:53] Three.
Gabe: [00:14:54] Oh, only three?
Michelle: [00:14:55] Only three.
Gabe: [00:14:57] You only had sex with three people in one day.
Michelle: [00:14:59] I believe.
Gabe: [00:14:59] That’s …
Michelle: [00:15:01] Is that a lot?
Gabe: [00:15:01] No.
Michelle: [00:15:02] I really hope my mom listens to this.
Gabe: [00:15:04] I mean.
Michelle: [00:15:05] Well, let her know.
Gabe: [00:15:06] I’m worried, though, because one of the reasons that I enjoy doing this show with you is because at the end of the day, you’re just as fucked up as me.
Michelle: [00:15:12] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:15:12] But my max number in a day is significantly higher.
Michelle: [00:15:15] Well, I’m not surprised by that one.
Gabe: [00:15:18] Thanks. That’s terrible. You’ve never hired sex workers, though?
Michelle: [00:15:24] No, I have not.
Gabe: [00:15:25] Is that because women just don’t have to? Is it because you didn’t want to? Or is it just because you exist in the age of Tinder?
Michelle: [00:15:32] I exist in the age of Tinder, where it’s free for girls. I wouldn’t even know where to go to get a male sex worker, at all. No, I wouldn’t even know where to go. And why would I do that when Tinder is free?
Gabe: [00:15:44] When you reflect back on hypersexuality, you don’t have the same gut wrenching horror feeling that I do. Why do you think that is? Do you think that you’ve just rejected a lot of societal stereotypes, or the pressure that society gives young women? Do you think this is because you’re such a strong feminist?
Michelle: [00:16:02] I just…
Gabe: [00:16:03] Because I feel awful.
Michelle: [00:16:04] I think it’s just feminism. I need to just see you live your life. You do what you want to do. You don’t feel embarrassed by it. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. Other people, my friends, they’re like, what did you do? And I’m like, I did what I wanted to do. You can judge me. I really don’t care. I don’t care.
Gabe: [00:16:21] For me, one of the things that I dislike so much about hypersexuality is it wasn’t about having fun for me. It was about having sex and while having sex, I would be thinking about when I was gonna be able to have sex again. So I wasn’t even enjoying it in the moment. I had to. I think that’s the thing that maybe a lot of people don’t understand about hypersexuality. I had to. I didn’t want to. I didn’t enjoy it. I had to. I didn’t get any enjoyment from having sex. It was a chore that I had to do.
Michelle: [00:16:51] Mine was definitely not a chore. It was more of a like, kind of, almost a manic kind of a game, really.
Gabe: [00:16:57] So hypersexuality exists on a spectrum much like everything else.
Michelle: [00:17:00] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:17:02] You would say then that maybe you had like hypersexuality lite? And, I’m not judging it in any way. I just, there’s got to be a big difference between somebody who in a 24 hour period is like, hey, I’ll go have sex with three people and now I’m cool. And somebody that says I’ve had sex with 21 people and say, I need more. I need more.
Michelle: [00:17:18] Yeah. That’s a lot different. I wasn’t like craving and craving and craving and craving. It was more just like the thrill of the whole thing.
Gabe: [00:17:26] You know, in addition to the sex act, did you feel that the other person was validating you?
Michelle: [00:17:32] I don’t know. I think it’s kind of hot when somebody, like, wants you. You kind of feel hot when, you know, like I feel hot. I don’t know. You just feel wanted. You feel like, yea, they’re totally into me, you know?
Gabe: [00:17:43] I do. I do. And I think in addition to hypersexuality, I had like co-morbid disorders going on. Because not only did I have to have sex, not only was there this compulsion to have sex, but when somebody was willing to have sex with me, they were telling me I was worthwhile for something. They were saying, hey, you’re not terrible. I needed that reassurance that at least I wasn’t garbage.
Michelle: [00:18:07] And Gabe, can we bring up how you lost your virginity 18 times?
Gabe: [00:18:11] I did. I lost my virginity 18 times.
Michelle: [00:18:13] Tell that story, please. Why did you say it 18 times? And why did they believe you 18 times? Because that is so funny.
Gabe: [00:18:20] I was so desperate to have sex that I would just literally say whatever it took to have sex. And, you know, I was a 500 pound guy. And remember, I don’t have Tinder and none of this stuff existed. I didn’t have the Internet. I didn’t have smartphones. I had to go out to bars and find people to have sex with.
Michelle: [00:18:36] That sounds terrible.
Gabe: [00:18:37] And I still had my personality. I was still charismatic. I was still funny. I was still people were flocked to me. But that wasn’t sealing the deal because I weighed 500 pounds. I weighed, you know, anywhere from 450 to five hundred fifty pounds. And people were just like, yeah, I don’t know. He’s kind of fat. So I came up with, well, frankly, a ruse. I told people that I was a virgin. Then they thought, oh, my God, this guy is so nice. He’s so kind. He’s so funny. Oh, I’ll take his virginity for him. I mean, I’ve got to give him a shot in the world. And once I realized this worked, I did it 18 times.
Michelle: [00:19:10] That’s so funny that you did that.
Gabe: [00:19:13] Is it funny or is it sad or a combination of both?
Michelle: [00:19:16] It’s both.
Gabe: [00:19:17] Yeah, both.
Michelle: [00:19:17] I think it’s so funny that these women would feel like almost bad for you that they would have sex with you.
Gabe: [00:19:23] And that’s an interesting thing to think about as well. You know, women, we don’t think of them as in control of their own sexuality, but they were. And they thought to themselves, hey, you know, I don’t want to date this guy. I’m not even attracted to him. But, you know, he’s a good guy. And I want to give him a favor. We don’t think about it that way with men. You know, men, they have sex with people that they don’t want to date, that they’re not attracted to, etc. all the time because of convenience or desire or whatever. And people are like, oh, that’s perfectly normal. You know, we have these phrases like “men will stick it in anything.” But women? Women are discerning. They’re picky. And the reality is this has not been my experience. I can tell you with having sex with hundreds of people. Women are not picky. They are no pickier.
Michelle: [00:20:06] Some women are picky.
Gabe: [00:20:06] Of course, and some men are, too. I’m telling you, men and women think about sex much more alike. Again, in my experience, then people think.
Michelle: [00:20:18] Have you ever had sex in public?
Gabe: [00:20:20] Like with an audience watching?
Michelle: [00:20:21] No, not with an audience, but like maybe like in the woods, or by a lake, or just outdoors?
Gabe: [00:20:27] I don’t think that I’ve ever had sex outdoors like outside. But I’ve had sex in pretty much every bar bathroom in Ohio.
Michelle: [00:20:33] Eww, a bathroom? That’s disgusting.
Gabe: [00:20:36] But what are you going to do? You meet somebody. Where are you gonna go?
Michelle: [00:20:39] I’ve never had sex in a bathroom.
Gabe: [00:20:41] That is surprising.
Michelle: [00:20:42] Never.
Gabe: [00:20:43] Really?
Michelle: [00:20:44] Really.
Gabe: [00:20:45] I feel bad that I’m thinking you’re lying.
Michelle: [00:20:48] No, I’m really not lying. I’ve never had sex in a bathroom.
Gabe: [00:20:50] See, but again, you were meeting people like online so you could meet in like apartments or anything.
Michelle: [00:20:54] I didn’t. Yeah. Yeah, I see that. I see what you’re saying.
Gabe: [00:20:56] You know, you got to play this scenario.
Michelle: [00:20:58] Yeah?
Gabe: [00:20:58] So you’re horny. You’re out on the prowl. The local band is playing.
Michelle: [00:21:03] Bom bom bom bom.
Gabe: [00:21:05] It’s 1 a.m. and you’re into the person and you’re horny right now. That’s why you’re there. And they’re horny right now. That’s why they’re there. And they’re like, hey,.
Michelle: [00:21:14] I mean, I’ve done some on the dance floor make out. That’s what me and my friends in the city, we used to call it D, and no. D.F.M.O. Yeah, that’s it. DFMO. Dance floor make out.
Gabe: [00:21:21] So I did that except change dance floor make out to bathroom fuck session.
Michelle: [00:21:27] [Laughter]
Gabe: [00:21:29] Listen, on one hand, I’m not completely horrified by my past, but I want to make it clear these memories are largely showing how out of control I was and how desperate I was. And I am very lucky. I did practice safe sex. I always had condoms. I never had sex without protection. I was very, extraordinarily careful. But I know a lot of people that were very extraordinarily careful that still acquired a sexually transmitted disease or even worse, a baby.
Michelle: [00:21:59] Are you calling babies bad?
Gabe: [00:22:00] I’m not calling babies bad, but I’m saying that somebody that is so desperate and so out of control that they would have sex with a stranger in a bar at 1 a.m. and then those two have a baby?
Michelle: [00:22:11] Yeah, they shouldn’t be having a baby.
Gabe: [00:22:12] Yeah. What are the odds of good parenting there?
Michelle: [00:22:14] Yeah I see what you’re saying there.
Gabe: [00:22:15] And again, I was an untreated bipolar, hypersexual, desperate, and having sex with strangers in a bar. Does that sound like father material to you? Like when we think of our dads, is that what we’re thinking about?
Michelle: [00:22:27] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:22:27] We’re thinking about like stable, has a job, loving, caring.
Michelle: [00:22:31] You know, what’s funny about the whole thing? Is that my mom and my dad have been together since they were 14. My mom says she’s only ever been with my dad. And then I’d look at myself and I’m like, we are not the same person, at all. When I was first diagnosed at 18 with bipolar, I guess my mom looked up the symptoms and hypersexuality is a symptom of bipolar. I remember being on the phone with my mom and she was like, okay, Michelle, don’t be too promiscuous. Don’t be too high, too over sexual because I know that’s a symptom of bipolar. Okay. You know, don’t be too promiscuous. And I was like, don’t worry, mom, I’m not. That’s like what she said. She says, oh, you’re bipolar. Don’t be too promiscuous, Michelle. That was like her number one thing. Nothing else about the symptoms. Nothing else. But don’t be too promiscuous.
Gabe: [00:23:15] It shows you our misunderstanding of sex, sexuality and how we relate to it in the world. There are so many people that still believe that sex is only for marriage, and there are many people who believe that sex should not be enjoyable. That is just so sad because that’s the number one thing that I hate about hypersexuality. It made sex not enjoyable. I don’t know what the wrap up for this is because we’ve talked about it, about making sex a game. We’ve talked about, you know, having sex with strangers in bars. We have good memories of it. We have bad memories of it. We have different feelings of it based on our ages and our gender.
Michelle: [00:23:51] I have one question for you. That therapist and psychologist, did they know you are bipolar?
Gabe: [00:23:56] Yes.
Michelle: [00:23:56] Because the therapist and psychologist I boned did not know I was schizophrenic.
Gabe: [00:24:01] Well, they knew.
Michelle: [00:24:03] No, they didn’t.
Gabe: [00:24:03] Were you wearing your schizophrenic.NYC shirt?
Michelle: [00:24:07] No, I was not. No, I was not. No. One was before schizophrenic.NYC existed and one was after. And then after that, they found me on Facebook or Instagram. Me was like, okay. He’s like. And then he finds that I had some. He said that he thought he might have known, but he wasn’t really sure because he was like at one point he did seem he I was talking to myself and he goes. I don’t know who you’re talking to, but I’m over here. And I was like, oh, I’m sorry about that one.
Gabe: [00:24:34] And let’s be very, very clear. I feel the need to put up like a giant disclaimer. Gabe Howard and Michelle Hammer never, ever had sex with their own medical providers. They’ve always been perfectly appropriate. That said, it does happen. So don’t. It would be wholly irresponsible of any practitioner to have sex with a patient.
Michelle: [00:24:57] Yeah.
Gabe: [00:24:57] And if you’re the patient, report it immediately.
Michelle: [00:24:59] Yeah. That should not happen. Don’t do that. Don’t do that.
Gabe: [00:25:03] That’s the kind of thing that will set you back.
Michelle: [00:25:04] Yeah, that’s a bad idea. Don’t do that. Don’t.
Gabe: [00:25:07] Yeah, don’t do that.
Michelle: [00:25:08] Don’t do that.
Gabe: [00:25:08] And we are talking about people who held that job, but they certainly were not ours. We were not their patient.
Michelle: [00:25:14] Yes, I was not. Not their patients. Not their patients. But if I could find a psychiatrist.
Gabe: [00:25:21] Thank you, everybody, for tuning into this episode of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. We hope that you learned some small thing about hypersexuality. And if there’s anything that you can relate to, if there’s any message that we want to send, it’s that you are not alone. Michelle and I went through it. We got help. We’re thankful that we don’t have to go through it again. And we are now monogamous and enjoying sex. Not with each other. We will see everybody next week.
Michelle: [00:25:44] Let’s talk about sex, baby, Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about sex.
Announcer: [00:25:54] Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. If you love this episode, don’t keep it to yourself head over to iTunes or your preferred podcast app to subscribe, rate, and review. To work with Gabe go to GabeHoward.com. To work with Michelle, go to schizophrenic.NYC. For free mental health resources and online support groups, head over to PsychCentral.com. This show’s official web site is PsychCentral.com/BSP. You can e-mail us at [email protected]. Thank you for listening, and share widely.
Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts
GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit gabehoward.com.
MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.