General

Psychology of Empathy: Why It May Hurt More Than You Know

As a child, many of us are taught that it's important to put yourself in another person's shoes, to feel what they're feeling. "How would you like it if Joey took your toy and smashed it?" This is an attempt to understand that our behaviors can have a negative impact in another person's life -- that our actions can hurt others.

So it's no surprise that as we age, we tend to believe that it's important to keep empathy in our lives when thinking about other groups of people -- like the poor or disadvantaged.

But what if everything we thought we knew about the value of empathy was wrong? What if empathy hurts us more than it helps?

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Men

The 24/7 Way to Sexual Success

If you search for “sexual foreplay” on amazon.com, you’ll find 226 books on the subject. A brief look at the list of books will reveal that most of them concern foreplay in the bedroom -- how to stimulate what part of the body and when. But what about the foreplay outside of the bedroom that happens 24 hours a day, seven days a week?
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Marriage and Divorce

Relationships: Can You Show Grace Under Fire?

The word, “grace” can mean charm, which is a nice quality to cultivate in ourselves. In a religious context, as in the song, “Amazing Grace,” it means unearned kindness. You may be the giver of this kind of grace or its receiver.

Being kind to people you meet and date, even if you feel that their behavior doesn’t deserve it, is good for you, for them, and via a ripple effect, for the planet. I’m not saying to be a pushover. Kindness simply means treating others with the respect they deserve as human beings. We all have virtues and flaws, and when someone’s shortcomings seem to be screaming at us, it can help to take a few quiet breaths and accept that he or she is doing the best they can at the moment.
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General

Everything Is an Opportunity to Grow

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” – Wayne Dyer
Looking at life and its daily challenges can get, well, somewhat challenging. There are goals, of course, some of them lofty and seemingly unattainable, and immediate tasks that must be tended to. There are also many hurdles that pop up at random and others that you know are there to begin with. When faced with an obstacle or thinking about a goal you desire, what’s your approach? Do you go forward or give up?
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ADHD and ADD

How Do You Stay Motivated When You Want to Give Up?

“Of course, motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.” – Zig Ziglar
If you are like most people, there are days when you just aren’t feelin’ it. It might mean hiding under the covers rather than throwing them off to face the day. It could look like setting goals and then missing the mark, as in archery, followed by taking your ball and bat and going home. I know, I'm mixing metaphors, but I'm sure you get the idea.
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Best of Our Blogs

Best of Our Blogs: March 24, 2017

A newish friend and I both shared something vulnerable. We were both struggling with something. Both of us wanting the thing to be different from what it was. There we were sitting in our misery.

It's the test of every relationship with others and our selves. Can we sit with what's painful, hard and uncomfortable and accept it without trying to change it?

Can we let our child cry in sadness without trying to cheer him or her up?

Can we hear our friend suffering and not tell them, "It's fine. Just look on the bright side?"

Can we allow our own pain to unfurl and make us raw and vulnerable without having to stuff it with food and wine?

If you struggle with allowing yourself or others feel how they really feel, you may be suffering from people-pleasing and co-dependency. If so, keep reading. We have the perfect posts for you this week.
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