Not Sure If the Relationship Is Working? Answer These 5 Questions
Is his love for you sweet or sour?
Are you in a one-sided relationship with someone you are in love with, but you’re not sure loves you back? Or maybe you’re dating someone who used to seem madly in love with you, and who showed you and told you so every day, but now you’re seeing signs that you might need to let go and you should break up?
It can be just as confusing to know how to tell if a guy likes you as it is to know when it’s time to break up with your boyfriend, no matter how many people you ask for dating advice about it.
And it’s scary when you’re wondering how you’ll ever let go of someone you love, even if he currently has you feeling nothing but the pain of an already broken heart.
Breaking up and letting go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that’s hard to let go of.
So what are the signs you should breakup, and how do you decide when it’s really time to pull the plug and walk away?
Work through this checklist, and see if any or all of these criteria fit your situation. If they do, then perhaps it’s time to let go of your one-sided relationship and move on.
Here are questions to ask yourself in order to know when it’s time to break up with your boyfriend when you can’t figure out how to tell if he likes you or is stringing you along.
1. Are Your Thoughts Only About Him?
Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, and trying to figure out ways to run into him?
If the answers to these questions are “yes,” then you may be experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.
Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.
So, if the love you feel for your man is obsession, then it’s definitely time to let go. It’s not healthy for either of you.
2. Does He Give You Mixed Messages?
Is your man alternating between hot and cold? On some days, does he seem like his loving self, and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?
Unless your man has bipolar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.
If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others, then he isn’t making any effort at all to keep you.
So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.
3. Does He Have Anything to Offer?
Being with a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.
Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?
A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.
Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don’t notice how little of it still exists.
They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren’t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don’t notice that their man has completely checked out.
So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short, then it’s time to let him go.
4. Does Your History Together Keep Repeating Itself?
Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?
Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?
If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it’s time to let go.
5. Are You Afraid You’ll Never Love or Be Loved Again?
Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this guy go because, if you do, you will never love or be loved again?
Do you think about going back on dating apps or do you worry that you might have to attend the family or office Christmas party alone, and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?
If you are feeling this way, then it’s time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won’t ever be someone else, then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.
There will be another love out there for you, but you will never find him if you’re stuck in a relationship that isn’t making you happy.
If you can let go of this one, then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.
You are probably reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn’t the right one for you.
But it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go. However, it is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it’s time to let go of a lost love.
Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?
Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.
You can do this!
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 5 Questions To Ask Yourself If It May Be Time To Break Up With Your Boyfriend.
Guest Author, P. (2018). Not Sure If the Relationship Is Working? Answer These 5 Questions. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 5, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/not-sure-if-the-relationship-is-working-answer-these-5-questions/