Can narcissism be cured? Its an interesting and tantalizing question. Can there be a cure to the absurd and devastating insanity so many partners and their families experience?
A cure sounds so lovely, doesnt it? So promising and so beautiful. With just X, Y, and Z, you can save your marriage!
By golly, you can simply change the way you approach things and like magic make the narcissist bring the tenderness, thoughtfulness, and admiration that every partner craves and deserves!
Simply follow a magical roadmap and become the adored partner that youve been dreaming of! You can rebuild your sanity, and the narcissism just melts away- like a distant memory. Even more, you can become ridiculously happy in the process!
Lets talk about the general landscape of mental health for a moment. Have we ever found a cure for depression? For addiction? For eating disorders? Have we located a complete treatment for anxiety or complex trauma?
The answer is no. No reputable mental health professional wouldevercite that there is a cure. Management, maybe. Recovery- sure. But a complete cure? Not a chance.
A cure is a lofty promise built on dangerous and false hope. Its a promise that maintains people in sickness, holds marriages toxic, and keeps families dysfunctional.
Mental health doesnt operate on a problem-cure basis. Mental health lies on a continuum of ebbs and flows. A cure doesnt exist because a singular reason for mental health problems doesnt exist, either.
Furthermore, personality disorders, such asNarcissistic Personality Disorder, arenotoriouslychallenging to treat. Thats because personality disorders encompass deeply ingrained, inappropriate behavioral patterns that often stem in childhood or adolescence.
This is not meant to be entirely dismissive. Peoplecanchange- when they want to change. They can change when they are willing and desperate and hungry to do the work to change.
That said, this change requires multidimensional work. It requires an honest examination of self, of internal flaws, and of how individual behavior impacts other people. It also requires tremendous time, patience, and diligence.
Do you honestly believe the narcissist in your life can do that? Beyond their manipulation of telling you that theyre going to change for the thousandth time?
For one, most narcissists do not identify with having any valid problems. Instead, they interpret the rest of the world as problematic. Other people have the issues, and the narcissist becomes a victim to those alleged issues.
At some point, narcissists maybecome awareof their deceptive and manipulative tactics. However, unlike most people, instead of becoming embarrassed or ashamed of their behaviors, they react with indifference.
The mindset is along the lines of,why should I need to focus on self-improvement? If the world wasnt so incompetent, if YOU werent so X, Y, or Z, I wouldnt need to do resort to those tactics.
These are tricky questions. Most well-intentioned targets of narcissistic abuse desperatelywantto believe that their loved one can heal. They want to save their relationship and their family.
And this is not to say change isnt possible. But its like holding onto hope that anabusive battererwill stop hitting his or her spouse.
Yes, there exists a rare possibility. But we wouldneveradvocate that a spouse stick it out in the hopes that the situation changes.
Instead, we would direct this spouse to crisis hotlines and shelters. We would talk about safety plans and coping skills for leaving. We would never encourage one waits it out to see if things change.
Realistically, we know that they wont.
Even with therapy available, most narcissists wont seek sustainable treatment. Sure, they may agree to a session or two. Often, this is out of perceived obligation or as an attempt to dazzle the professional with their twisted ways.
In fact, therapy can be a fantasticresource to continuously flatter a narcissists ego- especially if he or she canlie and manipulatethe clinician (which many can).
Remember that narcissists dont believe they need to change. Instead, they believe the worldaroundthem needs to change.
Googling cure for Narcissistic personality disorder displays 735,000 results. As society becomes more aware of narcissism and its devastating impact, this number will continue to climb. This notion of a cure is a toxic rabbit hole.
Many online sensations capitalize on the vulnerability of mental health by offering false claims of so-called cures. They offer expensive courses and fancy premium secrets promising theanswer to all your problems.
These promises are not only a waste of your time and money. They can wreak havoc on your emotional well-being. They can create unfair expectations and crashing disappointment when those expectations (inevitably) dont get met.
Dont put your faith in an online sensation because they have 100k followers or call themselves an expert. Dont listen when they say their spouse changed back into a loving person by following some roadmap or because they claim theyre a reformed narcissist (and that your narcissist can heal, too, if you just get them enrolled in ABC program!)
If youre still asking,cannarcissism be cured, its time to stop focusing on changing the narcissist and instead focus onyournarcissistic abuse recovery. Seeking your own growth and freedom is the closest semblance to a cure youll find from this hellish nightmare.
Copyright 2019 Kim Saeed