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Is It Time to Start Dating Your Spouse?

Is It Time to Start Dating Your Spouse?Small talk. That smile. You are special. How sweet. Be mine. Love you. I am yours. Only you. Soul mate. True love. Marry me. Live happily ever after.

You got together with your life partner for many reasons: shared perspectives and outlooks, physical attraction, shared spirituality, shared professional lives, etc. But you also enjoyed one another’s company because it’s fun! In the beginning, you did not have much but each other, but it was enough. There were sweet words, long phone talks, walks and candlelit dinners. You had meaningful conversations, shared your dreams and goals, planned your future together.

What is your relationship like today? Does it still include fun times and romance? Or have you resorted to talking about and handling chores and responsibilities related to children, career and other duties of adult life?

When fun leaves a relationship, it can be a sign that the relationship is heading toward the rocks. Fun is a part of life and it’s definitely a part of any healthy relationship. It’s something that brought you together, made you want to stay with each other. It is something that helps you stay together, survive life’s hardships and forgive each other in bitter moments.

When life gets difficult, it puts a heavy weight on your scale of marital balance, dragging it down. Good times together is the weight that you put on the other side of the scale, to give you a much-needed internal lift. It helps you put things in perspective, balance it out and feel good about yourself, your partner, and your life together.

The way you and your significant other define fun is up to you, but it’s important to keep doing it even as your relationship matures. Love to dance but haven’t been in years? It’s time to make a new dance date. Liked watching movies together, but haven’t made time to do it in months (or years)? Pick a night and head to a theater or rent a movie. Have dinner in a restaurant or cook a meal together at home.

Remember that in our most bitter moments, what we crave is some sweetness. In the midst of busyness and stress, we desperately desire lighthearted fun and relaxing moments. You don’t have to wait till things get tough to consider bringing fun back into your life.

Nor do you have to wait for a special day, like a birthday or Valentine’s Day, to become romantic and create special memories for the two of you. Do these things for you, for your spouse, for both of you as a family every day, starting now. If you’ve noticed that your family bank of fun is depleted, begin depositing happy tokens today.

Is It Time to Start Dating Your Spouse?

Nadia Persun, PhD

Dr. Nadia Persun obtained her degree at the University of Chicago. She is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Wheaton and Naperville (Illinois), specializing in treatment of anxiety disorders, adolescent issues, marital and other issues related to relationships, love and intimacy. Dr. Persun’s work experiences include being a professor of psychology, working at a major hospital, at a student counseling center, and the Founder and President of She is also a licensed coach, teaching seminars to couples about marriage education and divorce prevention (website).

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APA Reference
Persun, N. (2018). Is It Time to Start Dating Your Spouse?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 28, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 9 Feb 2012)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.