Change. Uncertainty. Worry.
When youre experiencing a crisis or going through a difficult time, coping with the uncertainty of the situation can be really hard. Most of us crave predictability; we thrive on structure and want to know whats going to happen, when its going to happen, and what the outcome will be. We want to be in control!
But life rarely goes as planned. And we dont have nearly as much control over what happens in our lives as wed like to think. We can, however, control our thoughts. We can choose to think in more helpful and accurate ways. I dont mean that we should take an overly positive, Pollyanna view. But we can focus on what we can control, the ways we want to act and feel. And while this doesnt solve all our problems, it can help us feel more hopeful, confident, and capable. One way to do this is by writing intentions for yourself.
This is a set of intentions that I wrote specifically for those feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, repeating a pattern of arguing, enabling, or worrying that you cant seem to break. You may also relate to them if youre feeling discouraged, self-critical, or unsure of yourself.
Be patient rather than needing to react to everything, big or small.
Be more accepting and less controlling.
Let others do things in their own way, in their own time.
Be humble rather than always needing to be right.
Have the courage to take responsibility for my behavior (and not take responsibility for other peoples behavior).
Feel grounded and empowered.
Be at peace, not bogged down with regret and worry.
Remember that I have choices; Im not a helpless victim.
Feel confident that I can cope.
Acknowledge the ways Ive contributed to problems and to apologize to those Ive hurt.
Listen more instead of jumping to conclusions, giving advice, or forcing my agenda.
Let go of my expectations and focus on what I can control.
Hold firm to my boundaries with the knowledge that I deserve to be treated with respect.
Be more empathetic and less judgmental.
Trust myself rather than second-guessing and overthinking.
Forgive myself and stop beating myself up for the mistakes Ive made.
Accept myself fully.
Take good care of myself and treat myself like a dear friend.
Be present with my feelings and not censor them, to let them wash over me like a wave, knowing that feelings come and go; they dont last forever.
Be transformed, little by little, into my best self.
I love that intentions and affirmations are easy to adapt. I encourage you to use the ones from my list that speak to you and add some of your own. Notice whats weighing on your heart, where you feel pulled to put your energy, and how you want to change, and then write your own intentions. Doing this allows you to reflect on whats not working in your life and to take ownership of your part in the problems. And while this is hard, its an essential part of making real changes.
Intentions create a map of where we want to end up. And, of course, if were going to change our unhelpful, distorted thoughts and our codependent behaviors, we have to take action we have to actually learn new skills and practice new ways of thinking and acting. This is definitely a process and Ive listed a few articles below to support you in this.
To get started, try writing your intentions and read them a few times every day to keep them a priority. I hope you find doing this is insightful and gives you renewed focus and hope.