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How to Make Your Relationship Run Smoothly

In order to make your relationship run smoothly, you need to know what you need and want. Since your partner is not a mind-reader, it’s important to express your deepest desires instead of avoiding them. But communicate your feelings and thoughts in a mature and productive way in order to avoid a big argument. The following suggestions will lay the groundwork for effectively maneuvering through those triggering times:

  • Speak from the heart.
    Sometimes, conversations with your loved one can be difficult and hard. You may not know where to begin or how to maneuver the conversation in a way that doesn’t lead to more turmoil. It can be especially challenging when your partner or loved one knows your triggers or is consciously or unconsciously insensitive to your raw spots.

    To break out of the “you don’t” or “why don’t you?” conversation of hurt and frustration, you can touch your heart while you speak your truth. It will remind you of the place from which you want to communicate.

  • Become mindful of your body language.
    Sometimes we try to protect ourselves by speaking or gesturing in a forceful way. In order for you to get your point across, be conscious of your nonverbal communication and modify your body language so it can be in alignment with the peace, love, affection and harmony you want to create in your relationship.
  • Be honest with yourself.
    It can be difficult to recognize and accept how you are coming across. But by doing so, you will stretch yourself. Recognize where you are being inflexible, controlling, demanding, avoiding, rigid, or contributing to the chaos, tension and stress. Then begin to identify how you can become more open, receptive, willing, understanding, and diplomatic in your approach. Try to become a peaceful and loving person who models resolution and collaboration.
  • Keep your side of the street clean.
    If you are only keeping your side of the street clean to prove yourself right in your relationship, give yourself a gold star, or manipulate your partner to give you more of what you want, you may want to reevaluate your intention. However, if your objective is to grow as a person and your intention is to become the best version of yourself, then you are in it for the right reasons. By focusing on being skillful and effective in your approach and communication, you will have a greater chance of success.

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Couple talking photo available from Shutterstock

How to Make Your Relationship Run Smoothly

Andrea Cairella, LPCC

Andrea Cairella is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and owner of based in Long Beach, CA. She works with adults and children and specializes in couples issues, trauma, addiction, anxiety and self-esteem and is the creator of Create A Relationship You Love ™ an online psycho-educational program for couples.

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APA Reference
Cairella, A. (2018). How to Make Your Relationship Run Smoothly. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 22 Nov 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.