Summertime means barbecues, lazy pool days, vacations, and sometimes summer love. The summer season can bring less stress, relaxed vibes, carefree attitudes and an opportunity to escape from our typical routines. That breezy attitude helps us let our guard down. And that makes it easier to meet someone who could become a more serious love interest.
Many of those summer loves will end as the season does. But perhaps you think you have made a real love connection with a summer love and want to continue being together into the fall. How will you know if your summer fling could last another season? There are signs to look for that can give you hope that your relationship has the mental and emotional footings to make it. Here are a few things to consider:
Are you looking for something seasonal?
You met during the summer, had some great times camping or going to the beach, but that’s all one or both of you were really looking for.
If the relationship was mainly physical and your activities together involved a lot of hooking up and having fun, then chances are it was just a fling. On the other hand, if you spent time together having meaningful discussions, meeting each other’s friends or family, and sharing similar interests, then it could become more than just a summer thing. Consider whether each of you is willing to make a deeper commitment.
Talk about life after summer.
If you and your summer beau have discussed watching football and rooting against each other’s favorite teams, visiting a pumpkin patch together, or where you might spend Thanksgiving or Christmas, then the relationship could keep going even after you pack up those board shorts and bikinis. Talking and making future plans together shows that you are more serious about one another and interested on spending time together after the season ends. Serious relationships require dealing with some not-so-fun topics too, so if there has been a willingness to talk about deeper issues, then you might have a future together.
Do you fit into each other’s lives?
Being in an exotic place can make us more openminded to dating people we normally wouldn’t. Think about if your summer love is someone who would fit well into your day-to-day routine. If you met an alluring stranger during your two-week vacation in Italy, then chances are it won’t last long-term. However, if you met at a friend’s pool party and live within the same city, then you have fewer barriers to making that relationship last. While long-distance relationships are common now, the distance is still a barrier to building real intimacy.
Do you enjoy being together?
Have you ever stayed in a relationship because you were lonely or afraid of being alone? Sadly, some people will keep their summer fling around because they want someone to accompany them to all the weddings, parties and other events that come with summer. Relationships based more on companionship than feelings won’t last.
However, if you genuinely enjoy being around your summer beau and he or she enjoys being around you, then you will likely continue to enjoy being around each other in the fall. Check your motives for the relationship and make sure you truly enjoy their company so you don’t waste your time. Be careful not to dismiss any red flags that indicate either of you has some emotional issues to work through before you are ready for a serious relationship.
Be realistic in your relationship expectations. Honestly assess your summer love to see if it’s something you want or are ready to continue. If you aren’t sure whether you want to keep the relationship going, make sure it’s because you don’t feel like the person is right for you and not because you’re afraid of making a commitment.
If you think your summer fling can turn into a full-fledged relationship, then hooray! If you think it was fun and just a seasonal thing, then recognize that and don’t feel too defeated. We can learn from every relationship we have and put that knowledge and wisdom into finding our real true love.