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How to Find the Strength to Leave a Relationship

It takes tremendous courage to leave a relationship that no longer fits. It takes tremendous self-love to know you deserve better. It takes tremendous faith to believe something better, someone better lies just around the corner in your future. It takes tremendous wisdom to feel deep in your bones that you were born to live a life of joy and that everything you dream about can be yours.

I am here to offer living proof that you do deserve better. That you must leave. That if you can imagine being with someone that loves you and cherishes you, empowers you and uplifts you, someone who makes your heart sing, that you can’t keep your hands off of, that makes your eyes sparkle and your pulse quicken, that person exists. How can it not be so?

But the key to finding that person is believing in yourself. Loving yourself. Giving yourself everything you want to come from the other person: the love, the admiration, the flowers, the nice dinners. The key is turning yourself into the person you are looking for. If you want someone with a stable career, find a stable career yourself. If you want someone fit and healthy, become fit and healthy yourself. If you want someone that speaks a second language or loves to travel, start doing both yourself. If you want someone that dresses well, start dressing well yourself.

Not only does Law of Attraction come into play once you do this, but you suddenly start thriving in ways you never did before. You become happier. You become filled with life force energy. You begin to glow and that glow is sexy. You feel more confident and that confidence is sexy. You have taken the reins, you are no longer stuck waiting for someone to come along and make you feel sexy or confident or powerful or loved.

Many of us fall in love with the potential of a partner. And then we become infuriated that s/he does not live up to it. This also has to stop. What you see is what you get. And what you get is a mirror image of your own vibration. So the surest way to attract in a thriving, happy, content, and whole partner is to become that yourself first. Before you start looking.

If we are walking a spiritual path or evolving in any way, we will outgrow relationships with people that are not doing the work to evolve. And that’s okay. It’s no big deal. But, as a plant outgrows a pot, if it does not get moved to something larger it will begin to die. The same happens to us. The sickness comes. The aches and pains. The headaches and backaches and depression. Our life force begins to dwindle. We become lethargic and choose lifeless foods. The weight accumulates, or we become extra skinny. Then the self loathing comes. All of it easily changed if we would just move to a larger pot. Demand more for ourselves. Choose fear of the unknown over the illusory safety of the familiar. Let go of belief systems, friends, and family that tell us we have to stay.

Don Miguel Luis says, in his book The Four Agreements, that we will allow others to abuse us as much as we abuse ourselves. If they abuse us a little less or as much, we will stay. If they abuse us just a little more, we will leave. So the questions are: How much do you abuse yourself? How often do you criticize? And how can you stop? Baby steps is the answer. Little acts of self-nurturing and self-love.

Paulo Coelho, in his book The Alchemist, says once we know what we want the entire universe conspires to help us. Esther Hicks says the same in Ask and It Is Given. So, test it. Decide you are done. Decide you want more. Decide to take the leap of faith. It’s called a leap of faith because we jump without seeing the landing. We just trust that it is time to jump and know wherever we land, it will be better. And only once we’re in the air are we able to discover we have wings.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.

“Come to the edge,” he said.

And so they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew.  

― Guillaume Apollinaire

How to Find the Strength to Leave a Relationship


Renee Linnell

Renee Linnell is the author of The Burn Zone: A Memoir (She Writes Press; October 2018). She is a serial entrepreneur who has founded and cofounded five companies and has an Executive Masters in Business Administration from New York University. Currently she is working on starting a publishing company to give people from diverse walks of life an opportunity to tell their stories. She divides her time between Colorado and Southern California. For more information, please visit https://reneelinnell.com and follow Renee on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.


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APA Reference
Linnell, R. (2019). How to Find the Strength to Leave a Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 15, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-find-the-strength-to-leave-a-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 18 Apr 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 18 Apr 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.