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How to Deal with Loving a Commitment-Phobe

Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at h

It’s about you.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you’re trying to paint the picture of how things COULD be to the other person? We’ve all been there. We’ve all had relationships where we’re selling the beautiful picture. We’re selling our picture, but the other person isn’t interested. He/she just sits there and listens but doesn’t buy the picture.

It’s not that he/she doesn’t love you or doesn’t want to be with you. It’s just that a lot of times when we’re selling what we want, but isn’t right for the other person.

5 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

I hear people use the terms, “afraid of commitment” or “commitment-phobic.” But in reality, nobody can expect somebody else to commit until he/she is completely ready for it. And sometimes it takes a little longer than we want, which leads to unrest.

It’s frustrating when you love somebody so much and desperately want him/her to be with you, so you just keep trying to reframe, rephrase and resell the picture you see. You don’t want to give up on your relationship, so you reduce yourself to a relationship salesperson.

I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve thought, “If I just say it to her this way, she’s going to see it and love me the way I need to be loved.”

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The trouble is it never seems to work out — no matter how well or genuinely it’s communicated. Do you want to know why? Because in relationships (and in life), people can’t do things until they’re ready. And they have to be ready on their own — able to see the light clearly, admit their mistakes, and want it on their own.

Relationship Questions to Ask for Long-Term Commitment

It’s just the way life works. You can’t force something on somebody no matter how bad you want it. And if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem ready, there’s only one thing you can do:

Let your partner go, so he/she can become ready on his/her own. If and when he/she is ready, be open. True love never dies.

This guest article originally appeared on 8 Brutal Truths About Loving A Commitment-Phobe (As Written By One).

How to Deal with Loving a Commitment-Phobe

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APA Reference
Guest Author, P. (2018). How to Deal with Loving a Commitment-Phobe. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 28, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 18 Jun 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.