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Dating Coach Advice: Is Your Insecurity Pushing Men Away?

Are you trying too hard to get him to like you?

When you meet a new guy you really like and feel major attraction to, it’s easy to wonder if he feels the same way.

But in your eagerness to learn how to get this guy to like you, or to make him chase you, you might be appearing desperate and pushing him away.

Signs of attraction between people aren’t always obvious, and each approach the relationship with different goals in mind. But if you’re acting out of desperation that you’re going to “lose” the guy you like, you might be the reason your relationship isn’t going anywhere.

 9 Signs You’re Hangry For Love (Read: Desperate)

Think you’re just being “friendly” by sending him a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake? Truth is, you’re probably doing more harm than good and pushing him away instead.

When you find yourself falling for a man, it’s normal to start feeling that if you don’t show enough interest in him he might get the wrong message and drift away.

You want to make sure he knows you like him, but you need to do it without going overboard and making yourself look desperate.

Check out YourTango for relationship advice

Here are 3 dating and relationship mistakes that don’t get a guy to like you — they chase men away.

1. Always initiating contact with him

When he’s always on your mind, it’s natural to want to let him know it. But if you find yourself doing any of the following more often than he does, it’s a red flag:

  • Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to.
  • Calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.
  • E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
  • Asking him how he feels — especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.
  • Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.

At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he’ll just see you as being friendly, maybe even take it as a compliment and want to get closer to you.

But doing any of these things shifts you into masculine energy which could actually be scaring him away.

2. Letting insecurity drive your interaction

At best, when a man feels even a little bit pursued, he’ll feel he doesn’t have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts. At worse, he’ll start to feel more than just “pursued.”

If you keep checking in with him in all those friendly little ways that are really about getting the reassurance you need, he’ll start to get that “chased” feeling. And then he’ll do what anyone would do when feeling crowded, smothered, or pressured — he’ll start moving away from you.

What It Means When Guys Say You’re ‘Too Needy’ In Relationships

Whether you realize it or not, the urge to do all of these friendly things comes from just one place — your fear of losing a man by failing to let him know you’re interested in him. But you couldn’t be more wrong. By giving in to this fear, you’re in worse danger of scaring a man off for good.

This type of “chasing” behavior is like an alarm going off for a man. It not only sends him the message that you’re insecure in yourself, but it also sends him in an overly-aggressive vibe that makes him feel very uncomfortable, even trapped.

To say the least, all of this makes you less attractive to him and makes sure he won’t feel inspired to explore getting closer. After all, you’re interfering with his chance to learn how he feels about the “real” you, so sooner or later he’ll lose interest … and then start looking for a chance to escape.

So, what’s the answer to bringing a man closer with your words and actions instead of driving him further away?

3. Not letting him have space to meet the real you

I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. You want him to know you’re interested in him. You want to make it easy for him to ask you out again. You want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing.

But the only way to really make sure that a man feels inspired to do everything in his power to get closer to you is to make sure that he feels happy and good around you.

What’s the best way to do it?

Give him the breathing space and the opportunities he needs to start pleasing you. As long as you seem happy and show him how much you enjoy his company, a man will always keep coming back for more.

Best of all, when he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he’ll step up his game to make sure another man doesn’t beat him to the chase!

So let him take the lead while you continue to be receptive to him. It will powerfully fuel his passion for you.

He will adore you and appreciate you for it, and you’ll be able to relax in the knowledge that you have become that rare, irresistible, highly desirable creature he’s been looking for — and that he’d be a fool to take you for granted.

This guest article was originally published on YourTango.com: 3 Tragic Ways Women Make Themselves Look Desperate & Scare Men Away

Dating Coach Advice: Is Your Insecurity Pushing Men Away?



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APA Reference
Guest Author, P. (2020). Dating Coach Advice: Is Your Insecurity Pushing Men Away?. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 29, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/dating-coach-advice-is-your-insecurity-pushing-men-away/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 20 Jan 2020 (Originally: 24 Jan 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 20 Jan 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.