Need treatment? Find help or get online counseling right now!

Anger

What Is Revenge Porn?

Break-ups can be difficult and often quite painful. But imagine that the person you loved and trusted for the duration of your relationship decided to take revenge on you for breaking it off. What does that look like? Well, there are a variety of ways that a scorned lover might express their resentment, but in today’s era of cyber-everything, revenge porn is becoming a tool of choice for many in their quest for vengeance.
Continue Reading

Anger

Improv Is My Therapy: Why You Need to Add Comedy to Your Day

Your mental health depends on it.

Every other Friday at 7 p.m. I set aside two hours to work through my thoughts. Every Sunday at four, I stop what I’m doing and actually express how I feel. Occasionally on a Saturday, I go out of my way just for the release.

If you didn’t know what I was talking about, you might just think this schedule carries the regularity of some pretty intense therapy. Because that’s exactly what it is, in the best of ways.
Continue Reading

Agitation

How You Fight Matters

James and Paul have been together for five years. It hasn’t always been easy. They are very different in temperament, energy and interests. But they love each other. They enjoy what each of them brings to the relationship. The sex is terrific. They think they want to spend their lives together -- except for one thing: They seem to find a reason to fight almost every day.  
Continue Reading

Agitation

The Hidden Trap You Might Be Falling Into: Microaggressions

“You don’t look disabled.”

“Are you training this service dog for someone else?”

“There’s not that many people here. I don’t get why you’re freaking out.”

“I have [insert diagnosis] too.”

While these comments don’t seem mean, they are all considered microaggressions. Microaggressions are unintentional (or intentional) comments or actions that belittle a person based on their marginalized group, in this case their disability.
Continue Reading

Anger

A Season of Understanding My Dissociative Disorder


A poetry retreat got it all started. It was an emotionally intense retreat about finding our voice in response to the world’s brokenness. After we read a poem about the rocks crying out to us, I wrote a poem about my different selves crying out to me, and then losing myself within the multiplicity of them.

As I read the poem, tears welled up in my eyes. Through my tears, I stammered that I had multiple personalities. An old friend met my eyes from across the room. His voice cracked as he spoke of my deep empathy, and how he never knew about my internal struggle.
Continue Reading

Anger

How Do You Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationships?

One partner in a couple who have been married nearly four decades, reported that she felt controlled by her husband. When asked if it was always the case, she responded in the affirmative and when taken a step further, and asked why she married him, she shrugged her shoulders and sadly said, “Low self-esteem, I guess.”

She admitted that their interactions over the years only served to deepen the divide between them. At a loss to know how to resolve her dilemma, she was willing to do what she could to establish some semblance of control in an otherwise untenable situation by working on improved self-care that could reflect how she wanted to feel.
Continue Reading

Addiction

4 Perils of Perfectionism

Many of us hold high expectations for ourselves. We strive for a goal that is impossible to reach, whether in our love life, worklife, or family life. When we fall short, as we inevitably do, we may become paralyzed by self-criticism and shame.

Here are four pitfalls that result from our penchant to strive for perfection -- and how to keep our expectations under control.

Continue Reading

Agitation

‘Tis the Season to Stop Being Passive Aggressive

The first time I heard the term “passive aggressive,” someone used the term to describe me. I was in graduate school and was 23-years-old. This was back in the 80s. It was thesis time, and I had to type mine on a computer in the Iowa State Department of English computer lab. All the PCs were taken, so I politely asked a woman I didn’t know approximately when she was going to be finished typing. I think I said something like, “Do you have a lot to do? Will you be much longer?”
Continue Reading

Agitation

Forgiveness: Letting Go of Negative Energy


Part One of a two-part series on Forgiveness.

Growing up, I recall being someone who forgave easily. I had never given any thought to forgiveness or what it meant, until I began to realize that being so forgiving was not working out too well for me. I had people taking me for granted, being disrespectful or taking advantage of me. I found myself getting frustrated, angry, upset and unhappy.
Continue Reading

Agitation

Fighting Over Money? How to Stop Arguing About Finances

Money can be a loaded topic, especially during the holidays or when business, family, and finances mix. It’s one of the biggest sources of relationship problems -- and it can be the toughest to resolve.

Throughout the course of any partnership, butting heads over spending and saving habits is to be expected. Couples can face financial rough patches that are more emotionally complex than deciding whether to splurge on take-out this week. When this happens, it can feel overwhelming and affect your ability to focus at work and home.
Continue Reading