A woman becomes a she-wolf out of necessity to survive in the relational jungle of life. She feels that there is no other way to make it through life successfully.
These women are not born that way and may have once been among the kindest of women. It took one or more major wounds to make her vicious.
Anyone who has dealt with a wounded, bitter, and angry woman knows quite well how much harm she can inflict, especially to men.
This is a she-wolf.
She is a woman who has become a reactionary predator, just like the animal itself. Women who have become she-wolves need to be understood and have compassion towards them, yet that does not mean they stop being dangerous. Just like a wolf in the wild, they will destroy their prey and devour them should the opportunity arise.
They should be considered from a distance, but not ignored, and with minimal exposure, as you would in the presence of a real animal predator. Let the reader understand that there are similar abusive predatory men but that would be a topic of another article. He-wolves are also a reality.
I have endeavored to uncover, in a non-scientific way, what I consider typical traits of she-wolves. I have based these traits on anecdotal experiences (mine, as a therapist, and other’s) encountering these and watching them from a distance.
They can be found in families as a mother, aunt, sister, daughter, and even a grandmother. They can be married, single, divorced, or widowed, heterosexual, or homosexual. They are in the corporate world and in the creative arts. If one is married to one or works for one, there is much pain received and often unnecessary abuse received from them.
They typically go after men… but especially after strong, confident men. Their attacks on these men come in the form of disrespect, talking down at, mistreatment, downgrading of position, leaving these men feeling castrated socially and emotionally.
They tend to attract only weak and soft men whom they can totally control yet disdain. They wonder why they cannot attract men that will courageously protect and defend them. Emasculated men who have them as mothers or are married to them, can easily and secretly hate and resent them. Experienced strong men will see these dangerous “creatures” from afar and will avoid them, seeing them as dangerous. They will conclude that the relationship is simply not worth the trouble.
God have mercy if she has a son. She will end up emasculating him. If he is an emotionally sensitive boy, he might learn that her mistreatment is reduced if he simply surrenders his manhood and conforms. If he chooses to save his masculine spirit, he may have to choose to metaphorically “kick her in the face” to get away from her and protect himself. She, no doubt, wonders why he spurns her love. Her version of love can be asphyxiating, controlling, enmeshed, and an impediment to becoming a self-assured man.
Many strong men can work interdependently with women but it is impossible to do so with a she-wolf since she is highly insecure and cannot share power.
I have endeavored to come up with some characteristics that will help identify and understand this kind of troubled woman. Surely some women reading this might be tempted to brand me as a patriarchal, sexist, and “Machista” male, but they would be misinterpreting my position and possibly overreacting based on their own mistreatment and traumas. In some women’s minds, it is totally impossible to be a strong and confident male and still be a mature, loving, kind, and interdependent mate/lover/friend. They would be blindly projecting their own anger and their own absence of positive experiences instead of understanding this phenomena that proliferates in society and promoted in the media about women.
Characteristics of a She-Wolf
Consider these characteristics:
1. Wounded. She-wolves are wounded women. Each She-wolf has, at one time or another, received mortal wounds from persons she has trusted or assumed were safe. Eventually she chose to stop the bleeding and turn the tables in order to survive the jungle.
2. Wounded by an important man of her life. She-wolves, were mostly wounded by an influential and trusted man or series of men. The kind of person that wounded her could have been her own father, step-father, grandfather, husband, boyfriend, male friend, or others.
3. Angry. She-wolves are angry women. They have experienced so many personal boundary violations and disrespectful treatment that they turned angry and vicious. If someone were to crash through your house fence with a bulldozer and smash into your house, you would probably be very angry. This woman had to put up with many such “crashings” into her life without her permission. Her personhood has been violated.
4. Exhibits traits of narcissists. Many of the characteristics of narcissism can be seen in Shewolves (See my articles and videos on narcissism). Grandiosity can be seen in the form of being the maker and convenient breaker of rules. Narcissists are gods in their own mind. They have to have the last word and will not accept fault. They are better, bigger, and more amazing than others in their own opinion. Besides the grandiosity component of narcissism, there is another side for the she-wolf. That side is seeing herself as the greatest martyr ever. She suffers more than anyone else. No one dare to challenge her here because she will turn the tables on you and shame you for not being a caring person for her or as giving as her. Victimization is the other side of the narcissism coin.
5. Dangerous. You can never trust a wolf, especially a female one. A she-wolf has to be the Alpha-leader in a group. No matter how kind she may act, one must be careful for she can give you false impression that she cares for you. Don’t fall for that trap. She will gather precious information you share with her and will use it to destroy or blackmail you. There are fangs behind the lipstick.
6. Unsafe. There is no safety when you have a wounded and aggressive she-wolf. If you are a confident person and have a healthy self-image, you can easily be a threat to this type of woman. She wants strong persons, and especially men, to be weaker and subjugated to her. Otherwise, be ready to eventually come under her wrath. She despises men who do not need her. In some cases, it drives her to extreme anger and meanness.
7. Will sacrifice you. You mean nothing to a she-wolf. You are expendable. You are only useful insofar as you praise her, help her, agree with her, and conform totally to her will. Independence, or better yet, interdependence is not possible working with her. She-wolves, at their convenience, are adept at micromanaging and making triviality a federal offence.
8. No loyalties except to those who obey her unquestionably. She can reward her “yes” persons. She will say that they like her. In reality, they are afraid of her and can say unmentionable things about her behind her back. The she-wolf is under the delusion that people like her. The only persons who “like” her are those who are lesser she-wolves carrying out her wishes, or very insecure persons. She would fall into a depression if she were to find out the true ugly feelings people have in secret.
9. Will destroy you if you disagree or oppose her. In keeping with narcissistic traits, she takes on a godlike role thinking that her words cannot be contested. If she thinks you are counteracting a thought of hers, she feels threatened and will viciously attack you, possibly marking you for extinction. She does not have the ability to create Win-Win scenarios or patiently process conflict to distill misunderstandings and legitimate positions different from her worldview. She is entrenched in her positions with little flexibility. 10. Will never admit wrong or fault. Since the she-wolf is not open to correction, change will only come to her either by an extremely painful lesson (if she can learn) or by a superior authority forcing her to submit. She will hate it. She is deathly scared of being terminated to shameful nothingness or extreme humiliation by falling out of grace with a higher “alpha-dog.” With equals in positions of authority, she can be very congenial, yet ruthless with underlings. Humble maturity needed to admit error, especially with an underling, is basically impossible.
11. Can give the illusion she likes you and that you can trust her. She is experienced at asking questions and probing to gather information about you. Your loose lips will be your demise when you deal with a she-wolf. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Since she does not care about you, ultimately, she will easily sacrifice you on the altar of her whims and thus trash your life and reputation.
12. Ruthless and authoritarian/oppressive leadership or motherhood. She is the Master-Castrator. Remember she is angry at men who were supposed to legitimately love and care about her, yet failed. She is on a revenge campaign. If she is a mother, she resents male independence that does not need mother and cannot control. She will easily incapacitate her son and label him as an ingrate child when he rejects her suffocating control. If she cannot control him, she will, in desperation, abandon him since she does not like to hear the truth that she is an emasculator. In this type of situation, she will take on the mantle of sainthood and proclaim herself as the Ultimate Sufferer of her family. Daughters will see their sibling brother as a rebellious child that hurts their mother. They will turn on him and see him as a black sheep. Those daughters are in training to become the next oppressive matriarchal she-wolves. They will attract weak and wimpy men, then wonder why they have that kind of controllable and indecisive man in their lives.
13. Will not accept dissent/departure from her rules. Of course, she excludes herself from them. She makes iron clad rules and will require absolute adherence from her underlings. Never mind if those rules are illogical, unreasonable, and non-practical. She, acting like a god, will make exceptions for herself and for anyone she chooses to grace with her temporary favor.
14. Talks down at you disrespectfully assuming you are guilty without the benefit of doubt. The she-wolf greatly lacks the ability to be humble and conciliatory. She does not know how to look at a situation without personal bias and make a balanced and just judgment. She cannot accept the very probable possibility of a misunderstanding and being wrong or even accepting other valid worldviews. When she is glandular, angry, and reactive, she will immediately assume someone is culprit and pronounce a sentence without having thoroughly checked the facts and perspectives. 15. Does not truly listen nor wants to. Once she has made up her mind, her narcissism does not let her listen. She has to be absolutely correct. She is unmovable and extremely stubborn in her entrenched positions, in other words, she is a closed-minded person. It is not possible to have a reasonable talk and resolution of a problem with her. There are no misunderstandings possible with her once she decides she is correct. Sometimes, to give the illusion that she is balanced and listens, she listens very briefly with a made-up mind and then has a long list of rapid fire accusations she shoots at you with her verbal machine gun. This is a situation where it is practically impossible to dissent and get a fair hearing. She walks away self-assured that she was considerate of you, but still got the upper hand and, destroyed you.
16. Bad people manager. Her people hate her behind her back. A she-wolf is not good at bringing out the best in persons. Since she has anger issues and has to dominate with no questioning, she is prime candidate to be a dictator. A dictator rules by fear. A dictator gets a macabre sense of pleasure doing this and that people can be terrified of her… an unhealthy and sick response.
17. Strong, confident, and respectful men threaten her. She tends to attack them because she can’t handle or control them. Since a wolf is a predator and hunter, strong men with a sense of confident warrior-like traits become her enemies. This is because they look like competitors when they are not. She carries a sword all the time. It is good that a woman does carry a sword for those emergency moments she is genuinely in danger. The problem is when she carries it all the time, 24/7. That shows the person has emotionally unhealed issues. A strong, healthy, and confident man reminds her, because of a dysfunctional and mistaken interpretation, of the abuse she received from unhealthy abusive men. She is threatened by and is in competition with these men. She can be as lethal as a male hunter… probably worse. She prides herself in emasculating men. If she writes, she chooses to project through topics that turn her anger into acceptable and “legitimate women’s abuse issues.” She will be rewarded greatly by expressing her anger through championing women’s abuse topics. This is a way to sanitize and have her anger socially and academically accepted. The only kind of men she can possibly accept as a “friend” are those with no spine, praise her incessantly, and obey her unquestionably. Deep down she does not respect this type of man. In this arena, she is a walking contradiction.
She-wolves are not to be trusted. They can do incredible harm to you. They carry a sword 24/7. Try to stay totally away from them. If you have to deal with them, do so minimally to reduce your risk of getting eaten alive. Do not disclose much and give ammunition to her. If you are a confident and healthy man, be careful, for you will be metaphorically emasculated. There is hope for a she-wolf if she admits she is one and carries great anger. She can heal if she gets professional counseling from a psychotherapist, pastoral counselor, or psychologist that is well experienced working with narcissists and controlling persons. Above all, while you guard yourself from them, have, even if at a distance, compassion for her as a hurting person. Hurt people do hurt people.