We survived Father’s Day. But are you still recovering?
I am a little too.
One of the things I learned this weekend is why we people please and give in when we know we shouldn’t. It’s the aftermath of doing the right thing. And when I speak of the right thing, I’m talking about putting up boundaries, bowing out of parties that put you at risk for getting hurt, and choosing to take care of yourself instead of everyone else.
The repercussions of doing something you’ve never done before is scary. When you switch things up and give an unexpected response, it’s possible it won’t be well-received. People tend to dislike change so when you change, it triggers a domino effect making others uncomfortable that they might have to change themselves.
Even if your friends and family react with grace and kindness, you still have to deal with your own feelings of guilt.
There’s baggage when we decide to do what’s right for ourselves. Sometimes there’s shame for being unable or unwilling to fulfill other’s needs. There’s the fear of disappointing others. There’s the risk that you will lose relationships because of it.
All that anguish can make saying, “Yes,” and doing the thing you usually do seem like the easier decision.
Something I heard this weekend on Embrace Change, a Buddhist Wisdom online summit, helped ease the discomfort.
Writer Rachel Neumann shared this short mantra that’s helped me whenever I’m struggling with an emotion, feeling or experience:
“All that we have is each other and all that we have is this moment, and this moment is full of wonder.”
Sometimes healing comes from healing other people’s stories. Sometimes it comes from reconnecting with yourself or realizing there’s no shame in how you feel. It can also come from building up your self-esteem as well as taking care of and loving yourself. These are all important topics we cover on the blog this week.
6 Signs Your Brain and Gut are Disconnected: How to Reconnect Them
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – Did you know your indecision, self-doubt and overthinking could stem from childhood emotional neglect? The next time you’re stuck, this will help you reconnect with your deepest, wisest self.
Caregiver Guilt: The Untenable Position
(Full Heart, Empty Arms) – Sometimes we’re faced with roles we wouldn’t have chosen. Here one blogger shares the heartbreak of going from wife to caregiver.
14 Quotes to Inspire Self-Love
(Happily Imperfect) – We may try unsuccessfully to find love outside ourselves, but we won’t ever experience true love until we practice self-love. Here are other thought-provoking quotes on one of the most difficult tasks we undertake as human beings.
Why It’s Wrong to Withhold Gentleness to Show Our Kids How “The Real World Works”
(Childhood Behavioral Concerns) – Instead of teaching your kids how to fight in this world, teach them how to be loving, peaceful and healthy.
The Invalid Person: Low Self-Esteem on Steroids (Pt. 1 & 2)
(Narcissism Meets Normalcy) – If you’ve always struggled with self-esteem, this could be why.