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Best of Our Blogs: June 11, 2019

Over the weekend, I had a seemingly innocuous interaction with a kind person. It quickly, however, got heated.

I realized that even with the best intentions feelings can get hurt. When two people come together to engage in a genuine conversation it can lead to conflict and misunderstanding.

We know this is happening politically. We see it every day on the news. But why does it happen?

In talking with anyone from your spouse to a stranger, sometimes emotions get in the way. Everything becomes personal. Every issue triggers some experience we’ve had ourselves.

Deepak Chopra said once, “Anger is fear remembered.”

We’re all hot buttons ready to be pushed.

Sometimes we forget that the goal of interacting isn’t to be right or change minds, it’s to listen. It’s to connect. It’s to be present. It may be even to learn something new.

You don’t have to win every conversation. You don’t have to convince someone that your experience is valid. Everyone doesn’t have to know what happened in your specific situation. You don’t have to prove or justify anything. If we’re conscious of our intentions, we can actually build bridges instead of walls.

If the key is to do the former, then it doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong. Even though someone hasn’t walked in your shoes, doesn’t mean that what they’ve experienced doesn’t feel right to them. Even though you feel like what they’re saying is wrong that doesn’t mean they are. Sometimes are job is to swallow our ego and to hold their grief. Sometimes it’s about learning a new perspective.

There are definitely times when expressing how you genuinely feel is important. The question you need to ask yourself is what you’re hoping to gain.

Sometimes when we take a closer look, we realize we’re actually trying to change a person’s outlook. But if you’re MO is to change someone who doesn’t want to be changed, you’ll be unsuccessful. Instead try refocusing your energy and read one of our posts this week on how to let go of control and work on yourself.

4 Ways Childhood Emotional Neglect Can Take a Toll on Your Physical Health
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – Disease and illness aren’t inevitable if you suffered from childhood emotional neglect. Here are three ways you can prevent stress, poor habits and lingering anger from destroying your physical health.

When Abuse Steals Your Fertility
(Full Heart, Empty Arms) – This shocking post shows how one tragedy begets another. Read about the different ways being abused affects fertility.

Can Therapists Have Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS)?
(The Exhausted Woman) – This could help to prevent the guilt, hypervigilance and insomnia that come from burnout and being triggered by a client’s session.

How to Let Go When Your Partner Refuses to Change
(Happily Imperfect) – There’s only so much you can do to control someone else. If your desire to help is unwanted, divert your energy and do this instead.

50 One-Minute Journal Prompts
(Weightless) – Looking for new ideas this summer to gain clarity and insight into your dreams, thoughts and fears? Check out this creative list of ways to develop a better understanding of yourself.

Best of Our Blogs: June 11, 2019

Brandi-Ann Uyemura, M.A.

Brandi-Ann Uyemura is a freelance writer specializing in self-help, spirituality, psychology and small business articles. She has a BA in English from University of Oregon and a MA in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University. She writes for various companies and publications and teaches stress management workshops. For more information, see her website

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APA Reference
Uyemura, B. (2019). Best of Our Blogs: June 11, 2019. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 10 Jun 2019 (Originally: 11 Jun 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 10 Jun 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.