“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children perform better, we must first make them feel worse?…Many believe that punishment is the best way to motivate children to do better. They really believe that in order to make children do better, they first have to make them feel worse.” – Jane Nelsen, Ed.D. from Positive Discipline
The passage is talking about child discipline, but I don’t think we’re immune to the belief in adulthood. How many of us buy into that “No pain, no gain,” motto?
We berate ourselves for finishing off that pie. We shame ourselves for snapping at our kids. Instead of resting when we’re tired, we push ourselves to work even harder.
The idea that self-punishment is necessary for desired behavior is a hard one to shake. Yet it dictates our relationships with others and ourselves.
As you’ll read this week, our parents, the people we surround ourselves with and the media all play a role in shaping how we perceive our world. The way to break free is to practice self-kindness. Encouragement and self-compassion lead to long-term positive change. Punishment and criticism short change us because we’re motivated purely from the fear of being unloved.
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Trauma Of Domestic Violence: 7 Ways It Alters Your Life
(Caregivers, Family & Friends) – Domestic abuse changes a person affecting everything from brain development to future relationships. This post looks at the seven ways it can shape a victim’s life forever.