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Best of Our Blogs: July 8, 2016

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“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children perform better, we must first make them feel worse?…Many believe that punishment is the best way to motivate children to do better. They really believe that in order to make children do better, they first have to make them feel worse.” – Jane Nelsen, Ed.D. from Positive Discipline

The passage is talking about child discipline, but I don’t think we’re immune to the belief in adulthood. How many of us buy into that “No pain, no gain,” motto?

We berate ourselves for finishing off that pie. We shame ourselves for snapping at our kids. Instead of resting when we’re tired, we push ourselves to work even harder.

The idea that self-punishment is necessary for desired behavior is a hard one to shake. Yet it dictates our relationships with others and ourselves.

As you’ll read this week, our parents, the people we surround ourselves with and the media all play a role in shaping how we perceive our world. The way to break free is to practice self-kindness. Encouragement and self-compassion lead to long-term positive change. Punishment and criticism short change us because we’re motivated purely from the fear of being unloved.

The Most Toxic Parents
(Psychoanalysis Now) – The very fact that they appear normal makes them most harmful at all. The reason why you struggle could have more to do with your parents than you think.

Avoid these types of people!
(Social Anxiety) -If you feel worse about yourself and the world after they leave, it’s likely you have one of these people in your life.

What Do You Think of Jennifer Lawrence’s “New Normal?”
(Mentoring & Recovery) – Are you tired of society’s obsession with weight? If you are fed up, you need to read this.

Symptom of the Day: Fatigue
(Bipolar Laid Bare) – If you struggle with bipolar disorder, you’re probably struggling with this debilitating symptom. Chest pain, dizziness and moodiness are all surprising indications you’re suffering from fatigue.

Trauma Of Domestic Violence: 7 Ways It Alters Your Life
(Caregivers, Family & Friends) – Domestic abuse changes a person affecting everything from brain development to future relationships. This post looks at the seven ways it can shape a victim’s life forever.

Best of Our Blogs: July 8, 2016

Brandi-Ann Uyemura, M.A.

Brandi-Ann Uyemura is a freelance writer specializing in self-help, spirituality, psychology and small business articles. She has a BA in English from University of Oregon and a MA in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University. She writes for various companies and publications and teaches stress management workshops. For more information, see her website

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APA Reference
Uyemura, B. (2018). Best of Our Blogs: July 8, 2016. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 8 Jul 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.