“My guiding assumption was ‘Something is fundamentally wrong with me,’ and I struggled to control and fix what felt like a basically flawed self. I drove myself in academics, was a fervent political activist and devoted myself to a very full social life. I avoided pain (and created more) with an addition to food and a preoccupation with achievement. My pursuit of pleasure was sometimes wholesome-in nature, with friends-but also included an impulsive kind of thrill-seeking through recreational drugs, sex, and other adventures. In the eyes of the world, I was highly functional. Internally, I was anxious, driven, and often depressed. I didn’t feel at peace with any part of my life.” – Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
When someone says something cruel, the pain of receiving that messages is equal to how true we think it is. If we know the statement is completely false, it’s easier to let it go without taking it personally. However, if someone hits upon something we’re vulnerable about, it feels like a throbbing wound.
For many of us who had troubled childhoods, we grow into adults who believe something’s missing. Our external lives mirrors that. This is why criticism gets to us. It’s why we sabotage our success or feel insanely jealous when someone achieves more than us. At the heart of it, we feel less than, not good enough, and unworthy.
If you’ve discovered your empty well, fill it with self-love, acceptance and kindness. You don’t need to do something amazing to deserve love and happiness. You simply need to tune in to the wonderful person that’s always been there. Our top posts this week will help remind you whether anxious, worn down and manipulated, you are perfectly imperfect as you are.
Sex & the Narcissist: Sadism (Pt 1) –
(Narcissism Meets Normalcy) – Sex makes narcissism even more complicated. This is true if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or you were brought up by one.
5 Phrases Manipulators Love (and Use)
(Knotted) – If you get what I said at the beginning of this post, you probably grew up hearing these hurtful statements.
11 Ways to Calm a Child’s Repetitive Anxious Thoughts
(Stress Better) – Is your child repeating the same fearful thoughts over and over again? Break the cycle with this.
3 Tips for Dealing with Worst-Case-Scenario Thinking
(NLP Discoveries) – Do you worry constantly about things that never happen? Stop obsessing over failure and disaster, and read this.