Need treatment? Find help or get online counseling right now!

Anger

Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict and What to Do Instead

Most people don't like conflict.

They associate conflict with negative thoughts and don't see how helpful it can be in their relationships. They don't make the distinction between conflict and how people respond to it.

What can be of concern, is how people address conflict. If someone yells or becomes defensive when faced with conflict, these are unhealthy ways of responding. But it's not the conflict itself that is the problem. We have to move away from seeing conflict as a bad thing.
Continue Reading

Bullying

Millennial Men, Women and Casual Sex

The term "hookup" has been used widely to describe the romantic and sexual experiences of Millennials.

But according to a recent study conducted by Harvard's Graduate School of Education, Millennials aren't engaging in as much casual sex as we think they are. In fact, this study found that among the 2,000, 18-to-25-year-old heterosexual, cis-gender males from across the U.S. interviewed, the majority reported looking forward to having romantic and long-term relationships. These results can probably put our widespread hook-up culture concerns to rest.

Unfortunately, however, they reveal a different and more disturbing problem.
Continue Reading

General

What to Do When You Feel Lonely

You feel so lonely.

You are home on a Friday night without any plans. Or you’re sitting in a restaurant with a group of friends, and yet you still feel lonely.

Or you’re sitting on the subway, on your way to work, and the feeling of loneliness sneaks into that space, too. Or you’re perusing social media, looking at photos of glistening faces, of glistening lives. And the ache of loneliness surges. Or you think you’re the only one who gets panicked at the grocery store, the only one who still mourns a loved one’s loss 30 years later, the only one who doesn’t speak to their family, the only one who feels lost.
Continue Reading

Anger

How to Have Difficult Conversations

Human beings are hardwired for communication. It is one way in which we connect with each other initially, bond with each other eventually and understand each other, ideally. There are times when what we think, feel and say don’t mesh and a rift occurs between people both personally and professionally. One factor that often plays into communication snafus relate to gender training; and what I think of as the "universal translator" (he says one thing and she hears something else, or vice versa).

Continue Reading

Happiness

What True Love Looks Like


Every society in the world praises the value of love. Love takes us beyond self-centeredness and motivates us to connect meaningfully with another. Yet, too often, the secular ideal of love emphasizes being loved, or at least on receiving love in reciprocation for the love one gives.

In Hebrew, “the word for love -- ahavah -- includes the Aramaic word hav, which means ‘Give!’ (And the initial letter alef makes it mean, ‘I will give.’) Loving…is not so much receiving, as giving of oneself, and making sacrifices for others.
Continue Reading

Memory and Perception

7 Ways to Extinguish Gaslighting

The term “gaslighting” has been coined from a 1944 movie in which a husband who is trying to steal his wife’s inheritance convinces her that she is imagining things when she starts to notice odd and furtive behavior on his part. Their gas lights flicker whenever he is in the attic, searching for jewels he thinks are hidden there. He convinces her that she’s imagining things. Gradually, his lies and manipulation make her, and other people, question her sanity. Gaslighting has become a useful term for what goes on in some emotionally abusive relationships.

When gaslighting, the abuser finds a way to make the victim think she or he is “crazy” by steadily questioning their perception of reality. It only works because the abuser also knows how to appear like a friendly, even loving, concerned friend, lover or work supervisor at least some of the time. The victim can’t believe that someone who loves or cares for them would purposefully and systematically try to hurt them.
Continue Reading

Happiness

Forgiveness: Why You Should Consider It and How to Forgive

A gift to yourself  

The idea of forgiveness makes many people shout, Never!!  Indeed, resentment, blame, recrimination, and desire for revenge seem so much more natural than forgiveness.

Is there anything to be gained by forgiving an offender?

Formerly associated only with spiritual wellbeing, it is now known that it also enhances emotional, mental and physical health. Releasing resentment, hatred and bitterness breaks the troubling connection with the offender. No longer consumed by what was done to you, you can move away from and beyond the offense. Without the crippling emotions, wounds can turn into strength and wisdom.
Continue Reading

Happiness

How Lists Can Help You Choose a Mate Wisely


Many singles hope to marry yet lack clarity about what traits to look for in a spouse. Consequently, they may get involved in relationships that disappoint them.

Some people settle for less than they deserve because they don’t recognize their own fine qualities. Another obstacle to marrying occurs when they find an imperfection in a good person which becomes their reason to reject him or her.

I ask women in my Marry with Confidence workshops to make three lists. You can make the same ones. By carefully creating each list below, you’re likely to:
Continue Reading

Bullying

3 Ways Emotional Vampires Create Work Stress

Do you know someone who, after spending even a little time with them, you feel completely and utterly drained but don't know why?

I bet you do -- ESPECIALLY if you work in a hostile workplace! That’s the definition of an emotional vampire and probably the primary cause of your work stress.

Here are three common tactics emotional vampires use to suck your energy and also some tips on how to stay safe:
Continue Reading

Habits

10 Ways to Express Gratitude

“Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher

Philosophers and poets have long praised gratitude as one of the most desirable attitudes. Surely, each of us has much to be thankful for. Why not express our gratitude? It costs us nothing, yet yields countless benefits.

Looking for ways to show and acknowledge gratitude? Here are 10 to try that are simple, quick and easy.
Continue Reading

Happiness

Spot the Fine Line Between Trust & Control


As a society, most of us would unanimously rank trust as an important part of relationships. We want to trust that the people we live with, work with, and love, are going to do everything in their power not to hurt us.

Among the people I work with I often hear the question uttered, “How do I know I can trust him/her?” My simple answer is “You can’t know if you can trust them.” But I go on to explain, “Even more important is to know that trust solely placed in someone else is misguided.”

Continue Reading