Learning how to connect when you’re hurt or angry can lead to greater openness in your relationship.
Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. When disagreements or misunderstandings cause you to become hurt or angry, the intimacy you share with your partner may suffer.
Physical intimacy often takes a hit when you fight with your significant other, especially if you tend to think about sex (or the withholding of sex) as a bargaining tool to resolve issues in your relationship.
We all get 'drunk' on something...
During a recent visit to my son's college campus and the local bar, I had a flash of awareness as I watched many people drink over a few hours span of time.
It was Family Weekend, so there were lots of parents there with their kids (actually adult-age kids) enjoying the carefree college life, laughing, drinking, playing games and having fun. What struck me was how, almost universally, people went from clear-headed communicators to making less and less sense as the day progressed.
Job loss was another painful reminder of why my sobriety must be the number one thing in my life.
It’s been a few weeks since I had a theoretical bomb dropped on me. I recently got laid off from my full-time job and my financial stability, my career, and overall sense of security were taken from me. It was unexpected, devastating, and made me question everything. Job loss is just that -- a loss. I felt grief, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and defeat. I questioned if I did enough, if it was the job I really wanted, if I deserved that job, and if I’ll ever find another job as good as this one again. Being laid off had me questioning my life, my worth, my value as an employee, and even my sobriety.
Once again I was on the phone to my friend, sobbing. She’d put up with my tears every day since I left the hospital. Two or three daily meltdowns were the norm.
Many of my tears were over things that would have merely irritated me before: misplaced scissors, dirty socks in the middle of the living room, a brief computer glitch.
I have cavernous angiomas, tangles of malformed blood vessels, scattered throughout my brain. Two of them -- one larger than a golf ball in my right parietal lobe, and the other, smaller, in my brain stem -- had bled, and I underwent brain surgeries to remove them.
Who knew activities could be more enjoyable by taking pressure off yourself?
The first time I did a plié, I wanted to die. Not in the literal sense. But in the “how did I not realize this was so hard?” sense. I was drenched in sweat and we hadn’t even gotten through warmups. Welcome to adult absolute beginner ballet.
I'd never taken ballet as a kid, and its reputation for gruff teachers and perfectionism really intimidated me, even as an adult. The image of a stern impossible to please teacher coupled with competitive classmates had kept me away my whole life. Like a lot of people from alcoholic families, I felt I should be an immediate expert in everything I did. Incompetency was dangerous. But I’d always wanted to try ballet, so when an acquaintance posted on Facebook that she was teaching a ballet class that started with the absolute baby basics, I gathered my courage and signed up.
Not long ago, Zika virus was dominating headlines. A new infection was hardly ever heard about before then, yet is now affecting hundreds of thousands of people in Latin America, causing disfiguration and microcephalia in new-born babies. Microcephalia is caused by severe delayed and abnormal development of the brain, resulting in the range of intellectual disability, dwarfism, poor motor functions and speech. With no cure or even preventive vaccination available, many women in the most affected regions were reportedly considering postponing any planned pregnancies.
The virus was actually discovered back in 1947 in Zika forest in Uganda (and this is where its name comes from). The pathogen is related to better known viruses causing dengue and yellow fever. The disease is spread predominantly by one type of mosquito and was a rare occurrence until the epidemics of 2015–2016, when in Brazil alone well over 100,000 cases were reported. The disease caused particular concern as it coincided with the run-up to the 2016 Olympic games in Rio de Janeiro.
Avoidant personality disorder stems from emotional neglect as a child.
Do you secretly feel inferior to others and struggle with shame?
Are you reluctant to pursue goals, take risks, or meet new people?
Are you highly sensitive to criticism, and fear rejection?
Do you assume that others see you in a negative light?
Do you try not to get too close to people?
Do you suspect that you enjoy things less than other people do?
Do you often have anxiety in social situations?
If you answered yes to some of the above, you may have an avoidant style.
The idea that forgetting is important for the proper functioning of the brain and memory may sound counterintuitive. However, forgetting is part of the process of memorizing, and it does not make us any less smart.
Research shows that our brain has active mechanisms for forgetting. Both storing and losing memories are important for selecting and holding the most relevant information.
Forgetting helps to get rid of outdated information. Forgetting the details also helps to generalize past experiences into specific categories and thus create appropriate responses to similar situations in the future.
Forgetting details helps us to remember what needs to be remembered. You cannot craft a good text without deleting and proofreading its parts. As the saying goes, it is the empty space between the notes that makes the music.
How we think about anxiety (and what we do with it) are critical to how it impacts us.
It isn’t easy to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy anxiety. Few emotions conjure more definitional confusion than anxiety.
Websters Dictionary defines anxiety as "apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill: a state of being anxious." A rare few of us hasn’t felt this normal human emotion, so ubiquitous is its experience.
But anxiety is also a class of psychopathology driving more than 25 diagnoses that span nearly 100 pages in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM5), the diagnostic measuring tool for psychological disorders.
Are you emotionally suppressed?
I heard, "Be nice," a lot from my mom growing up. If you're a woman, you're probably a lot like me. Most times it wasn't about what I was doing, but rather about what I was feeling. And mostly, I was feeling angry.
But anger wasn't okay.
Later, I remember crying when I was angry. But I was told to not cry. So it wasn't okay to be angry, and it wasn't okay to be sad, and it wasn't okay to cry. So navigating an emotional life became a minefield. Oh, the stories I could tell!
Maybe you were emotionally suppressed, too.
If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
One trait of men and women with narcissistic habits makes them frustratingly difficult to deal with -- either as a partner at work or someone to live with at home.
As a therapist who specializes in helping couples build more satisfying marriages, I focus on this trait in particular.
What is that habit that most people overlook about narcissists?
"Never again." That's what you said when you left your last narcissist.
After swearing you'd never fall in love with another narcissist, you've fallen head-over-heels in love with one... again. The pattern has repeated itself. Your new guy isn't different. Not really. He's just another charming, charismatic, abusive, control-freak narcissist.
Many psychologists say that codependents like us can walk into a room and instantly have amazing chemistry with the most wounded, most screwed up, most abusive guy in the room. No one seems to know why or how it happens. But it does! You know it does. You've experienced it and so have I.