Marriage and Divorce

After the Wedding Comes the Marriage

It’s almost June -- the beginning of the summer wedding season. Some couples are in the last stages of wedding planning. Hopefully they still like each other.

Too often the bride and groom (bride and bride; groom and groom) are so focused on their wedding day, they forget that they are launching into a new way of life.  Caught up in the mythos of making the perfect day, Bridezilla emerges from an otherwise perfectly lovely young woman. Her partner becomes zilla-ish too. What should be a fun celebration of love becomes a stress-filled quest for an impossible perfection. STOP!
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General

Expectations and Your Relationship

William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

Ask yourself a question. Have you ever been disappointed because something did not turn out the way you expected? Why did you have such a strong belief something would happen?

We all have high expectations at one point or another, only to be disappointed when things do not turn out the way we wanted. It can get the best of us at any given moment. When those expectations are not met, we need to keep in mind the way it affects us.
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Depression

Overcoming Sorrow

“Sorrow comes to all… Perfect reality is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better and yet you are sure to be happy again.” – Abraham Lincoln
Sorrow is the opposite of happiness, yet both are part of human existence.

Like life and death and the changing of seasons, it should be familiar enough to recognize that things have a sequence. Sometimes that sequence is a time of birth or rebirth, a creative force that erases failure and negativity. Other times, however, there’s a clearly defined sense of decay, lack of progress, mistakes and endings.

The key to overcoming sorrow and
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ADHD and ADD

5 Ways to Support a Spouse with ADHD and Work as a Team

You love your spouse. You love their compassion, clever sense of humor, spontaneous spirit and many other terrific traits. But you find yourself getting more and more frustrated with them. You find yourself taking on most of the responsibilities, like cleaning and paying the bills.

In short, it doesn’t always feel like a 50/50 partnership, said Terry Matlen, MSW, ACSW, a psychotherapist and ADHD coach who also has ADHD.
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Marriage and Divorce

Do You Hold These Additional Distorted Beliefs About Relationships?

We all hold distorted beliefs about how relationships work and don’t work.

These beliefs can easily dampen a relationship and spark dissatisfaction in both partners. Our warped ideas can lead us to run for the hills when a seemingly stubborn issue actually has a resolution -- and that resolution can help us get closer to our partner and bolster our relationship.

Below, you’ll find several distorted beliefs. Check in with yourself to see if you hold them -- especially since our thoughts influence the actions we take and the decisions we make.
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General

Do You Hold These Distorted Beliefs About Relationships?

We develop all sorts of ideas about relationships from our families and friends, our own experiences and, of course, from our culture. We develop these ideas from movies and sitcoms, too.

In fact, therapist Anna Osborn, LMFT, has worked with several couples who’ve used on-screen couples as examples of what their relationship should look like. “I've had to gently remind them that those people are being paid money to follow a director's script,” Osborn said.
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Bullying

Recovering from Abuse: Collecting Pebbles

One of the most common things I hear from survivors of psychological abuse is their confusion about why they didn’t notice the red flags sooner in the relationship.

It doesn’t matter if the toxic person is a parent, co-worker, friend or love interest, almost all survivors seriously doubt themselves for not seeing the toxicity earlier. Once a survivor’s eyes are opened to the abuse they have endured, they wonder why they didn’t set better boundaries before they found themselves in a world of hurt from the psychological games.

Survivors of this type of abuse have their lives completely rocked and thrown into chaos. The common question is “How did I let this happen to me?”
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Grief and Loss

How to Find Joy… Even When Life Is Feeling Awful

When we are experiencing loss and sadness in our life, everyday can feel like a struggle.

Whether it is recovering from loss of a loved one, divorce, a lay-off, or anything else, we forget to care for ourselves and to find joy at the time when we need it most.

Learning how to reinvent ourselves, establish our independence again, and figure out what we want during this next chapter of our lives is a bit overwhelming. Oftentimes, we may forget to see all the wonderful things that await us. 
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Marriage and Divorce

Which Hot Button Words Are Dealbreakers in Relationships?


I was reading about certain words that should never be used in advertising because they yield poor results. The article pointed out that people are far less likely to click on the word “submit” on a web site because it is too committal. As an alternative, “click here” is better, and “click here to receive whatever is being offered” is better yet. The article went on to point out how language can be a turn on or a turn off when making decisions.
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Happiness

Will Marriage Make Me Lose My Identity?

"No man is an island” said 17th-century author John Donne.

This is true in marriage. Yet we can and should keep our separate identities after tying the knot.

We should also accept that none of us is totally self-sufficient. We depend on car mechanics, airplane pilots, farmers, friends, accountants, therapists, and others. Certainly, in a good marriage we rely on our marriage partner. We respect each other’s individuality and also connect as romantic partners and as lifetime teammates.   
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Marriage and Divorce

Marriage: Ball and Chain or Free to Be You?

If you’ve been doing fine on your own for some time, you may fear that marriage will cost you your freedom. Actually, a good marriage supports you to be free to be who you are, because partners consider each other’s needs, as well as their own.

It takes some maturity to do this. Happy couples balance spending time together and apart in ways that suit both partners. They collaborate to make big decisions, like about very large expenses, parenting, leisure time activities, and so on.
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