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Best of Our Blogs: July 28, 2017

There will come a time when your parents, friends, and even your partner will disappoint you.

We can't stop people from saying the "wrong" thing to us.

We can't force them to always being there for us.

We can't protect our heart so we don't feel the pain of hurt and rejection.

There is another way.

When a narcissist hurts you or when you're self-critical, choose to be there for yourself. You may give yourself a pat on the shoulder. You may shower yourself with kind and compassionate words. You may be good to yourself by feeding your body healthy and nourishing foods.

While we cannot control other people and their actions, we can do a lot of good by supporting ourselves.
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Best of Our Blogs: July 25, 2017

I attended a class called Mindful Stress Mastery and it was completely full. Every single person in there was struggling with stress and anxiety. There were men, women, young and the old. There were people who came here alone, and with their partners. Every one was grappling with their emotional, physical and financial health.

Beyond what the class taught me, I was moved and healed by the knowledge that we're all doing the best we can.

Sometimes when life gets hard, it feels like we're out their on a limb all alone. This was a powerful testament we're all more alike than different. It gave me comfort as I hope it will give to you. You are not alone in your suffering.

As you'll read this week, although our individual experiences are unique, we share a common desire for health, well-being and happiness.
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Best of Our Blogs: July 21, 2017

You would be wrong if you believed your co-worker or neighbor who seems problem-free got life figured out more than you.

You suffer from anxiety or keep falling for a narcissist. You're the last person anyone would qualify as healthy right?

Surprisingly, it's the ones who are sensitive, empathetic and self-aware that exhibit signs of what others deem mental illness.

The next time you write yourself or someone else writes you off as a crazy person, remember you're doing the work. You're feeling your feelings. You're trying to work on your perfectionism, assertiveness and dysfunctional family. That person who looks healthy may be in denial. To shift focus away from their judging you, remember how far you've come and what you're doing to work on yourself.
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Best of Our Blogs: July 14, 2017

Every moment a hundred or so thoughts flood your mind. Many go unnoticed and unchecked. By the end of the day you're anxious, depressed or in a foul mood, but don't know why.

We pay more attention to what we eat than the thoughts we ingest daily. But what we think can play as important a role as our diet.

On the road to a healthy mind, pause to be witness to what you're thinking. Watch and listen without judgment. Then, choose a different path.

When we pay attention to what's going on in our mind, we may discover the root (e.g. controlling parents? manipulative boss?) of our negative thoughts.
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Best of Our Blogs: July 11, 2017

Silence is a powerful tool. But many use it indirectly as a way to avoid pain, conflict and confrontation. When we don't speak up out of fear, we opt out of the things that matter most to us. Things like honesty, intimacy and meaningful relationships.

It's not easy. It can be scary. But taking small steps to sharing how you feel can go a long way in building self-confidence and authenticity.

As you'll read this week, maybe your fear of letting your guard down has to do with being neglected as a child. Maybe it's a practical way to protect yourself against a narcissist. Whenever you choose to stay silent, make sure you're doing it consciously and for good reason.
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Best of Our Blogs: July 4, 2017

For so long you've kept quiet. You squelched feelings. You've put on a happy face. You've taken care of everyone, but yourself. All along, there's a part of you that's been waiting.

Sometimes you'll hear it in body aches, anger, and even illness. It's rebelling against your true feelings. It's asking for your attention, acknowledgement and expression.

Today while you celebrate Independence Day save a little time to honor your true self by listening to it. Tune into how your body feels when you accept an invitation to your family's party or say, "No" to helping out a friend. You don't have to make any changes in your plans. In fact, drastic change is not what matters. Listening does.

Listening to what you need today is one important way to develop a better relationship with others by working on the relationship you have with yourself.
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How to Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously

“The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.” – Samuel Butler
Do you think of yourself as a serious person? Do you find little to laugh about or is it difficult to let yourself go and enjoy what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you must look forward to tomorrow? There’s a difference between being thoughtful and earnest and being serious. I like to think that seriousness must involve an important situation or problem, not a demeanor I want to portray on an everyday basis. Some might say that I’m too easygoing, but that’s not it, either. I simply want to take life as it comes, do the best I can, and be hopeful and positive in the process.
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Best of Our Blogs: June 30, 2017

I think the reason why many of us don't take care of ourselves is not because we don't believe it's important. We don't do what we need to do, because it requires us to do the hard stuff.

We're forced to put up boundaries.

We're forced to confront issues, people and situations we would rather deny and avoid.

Instead of running or escaping, we're face to face with the thing, and it can either make us tough, gritty and self-confident or it can bury us deeper in self-denial and resentment.

It's not easy to do the hard thing. Sometimes we're just not up for it. Real positive transformation requires us to get courageous, show our true feelings, and feel the fear of being judged and do it anyway.
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Best of Our Blogs: June 23, 2017

There are certain things that need to happen in order for healing to take place. One of the first things is awareness.

Most of are stuck in our situations never believing there could be something better. Maybe we don't think we deserve it. Maybe we grew up in similar households so it feels comforting even though it's damaging. Maybe we don't think we're strong enough to do the hard thing.

But once we see light-from a kind friend, new opportunity or desire to change our lives for our children-we can never go back.

This is the first step towards our healing, empowerment and redemption.

No matter where you are on your journey, you can and deserve a better life. Thankfully our posts on coping with feelings of emptiness, narcissistic people, and letting go will help you begin the process of greater self-awareness, healing and ultimately self-care.
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