5 Proven Ways to Avoid Losing Your Cool at Work
These office aggravations can make your blood boil. Your focus is immediately hijacked from the important task at hand. Instead, your mind goes into fight-or-flight mode and you become reactionary; not thinking clearly, blaming others, or beating yourself up for getting upset. In this state, you’re prone to making poor judgements and saying things you may regret later.
It’s perfectly natural to experience a wide range of emotions in the workplace, including anger. Negative emotions are bound to come up on the job just as they do in our personal lives — and that’s not a bad thing.
Learning to productively communicate your emotions is key to boosting your emotional intelligence, which can make you a better leader and boost success across the board. In fact, getting fired up can motivate you and give you more focus to solve the problem at hand.
Learning to manage feelings of anger in a constructive, professional way can help you channel your frustration and get what you want — without earning you a reputation as the person in the office who can’t control his or her temper.
Here are five ways to respond when work is making you angry:
1. Don’t Fight The Feeling
When anger arises, we’re often quick to respond by rationalizing, blaming others, or trying desperately to calm ourselves down. Instead of jumping straight to intellectualization, acknowledge that your anger is legitimate and normal. Anger is deeply embedded into our evolutionary code. It’s how we fend off dangers and threats to our wellbeing.
The next time you feel yourself getting angry, understand that trying to simply avoid it won’t help. Find a way instead to release or disarm your anger in a healthy, self-respecting way. Try telling yourself, “What I am feeling is natural, but it doesn’t serve me.” Accepting your reaction — rather than fighting it — will calm you down and free you to focus on problem-solving.
2. Disrupt It
If your temper is about to boil over, the first thing you need to do is find a way to disrupt the automatic thought pattern that’s been triggered. Physically disconnecting from the situation can help: Take a walk, step away from your desk to call a friend, or take a few deep breaths.
Practicing visualizations is another tactic that can help you manage anger in the long run. Picture yourself when you’re reacting to your anger. How do you look, feel and sound? Do you like this image of yourself? Then, imagine yourself managing your anger appropriately, addressing the situation in a calm, constructive way.
By taking a mindful approach to your anger, you have a better chance of harnessing it constructively and not allowing it to dominate you.
3. Learn Your Triggers
Understanding who and what makes you angry is key to heading off a full-blown freak out. Pay attention to the circumstances and people present when you get angry so you can better anticipate and manage your reactions in the future. For example, if one particular colleague pushes your buttons, build in breaks during times when you know you’ll have to work together. This will give you space to disrupt any rising emotions that crop up if he (or she) provokes you and will help you avoid a hair-trigger reaction. No one likes being angry, so by anticipating triggering situations you can stay calm and collected.
4. Choose Your Words Carefully
If and when you do decide to confront the situation head-on that’s making you angry, be sure you’ve first spent some time identifying and articulating your feelings. Emotional labeling is important because it can minimize miscommunication and help you clearly assert your thoughts, opinions and desires.
Speak to your boss or whoever is upsetting you the way her or she would like to be communicated with. For instance, if she values straightforward, results-oriented language, keep that in mind when addressing the problem. Ask her to describe the situation from her perspective as well to keep the lines of communication open and even. To find the right vocabulary to express what you’re feeling in the most appropriate way possible, grab my free toolkit.
5. Focus on the Solution, Not the Problem
While it’s easy — and can initially seem comforting — to dwell on what’s making you angry, this isn’t going to pay off in the long run. Ruminating is damaging because it takes time and mental energy away from problem-solving, leaving you stuck in negative emotion. Instead, focus on what lessons you can learn from the situation so that you move on in a productive way.
Avoid making sweeping statements like, “Whenever Jane asks me for reports, she never gives me enough notice.” Instead, try saying, “I was late on a deadline because I was asked for the reports at the last minute. I’ve noticed that this has happened in the past. How can we put a better protocol in place to make sure it doesn’t happen in the future?”
Throughout your career, anger is an emotion you’ll confront and need to manage in order to become a leader. The key is to be sure you’re equipped with the right tools to handle and communicate your anger effectively, professionally, and in a way that’s beneficial to your career over the long-term.
Get the FREE toolkit thousands of people use to better describe & manage their emotions at melodywilding.com.
Wilding, M. (2016). 5 Proven Ways to Avoid Losing Your Cool at Work. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 20, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/06/15/5-proven-ways-to-avoid-losing-your-cool-at-work/