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8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate

Finally fall in love…for real.

You might call them your soulmate. The love of your life. Your life partner. That special person.

Many of us are seeking to find someone to love us, unconditionally. We crave our perfect complement — someone with whom we will share the memories of our lives with.

So we go all out in the pursuit of this special somebody — our so-called true love. We start dating with loads of optimistic energy, but after looking for some time, we become frustrated and start doubting that they are really out there. This special person is quite elusive.

The irony of love is that the harder you look for it, the less likely you are to actually find it.

What is standing in your way of finding true love?

The reality is that love is almost always out there just waiting to be discovered.

However, most of us are going about seeking love the wrong way. Looking for love has become a tedious and unpleasant chore. Many people have decided that looking for love is a huge, serious business that must be approached earnestly.

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Even though selecting a life partner is a serious decision; flirting, dating, and courtship is a game that you need to have fun with in order to play it successfully.

Playing the game with sweaty palms will never get you what you are looking for. Seriousness in the pursuit of love leads to desperation, which will significantly sabotage your chances of finding love.

If you’re wondering how to find love, your soulmate, or kindred spirit, here are 8 things you need to do:

1. Take Care of Yourself

Many people are so focused on looking for love that they neglect their own self-care and self-love.

When you focus on nurturing yourself, you will keep your life balanced, and you will be a happier and more interesting person. Concentrate on activities that give you joy even as you seek out love.

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2. Be Happy with Yourself

Do you believe that you can only be fulfilled if you are in a relationship?

Many people walk around unhappy with themselves and their lives. They carry the myth that you can only be happy if you are in love and in a relationship.

While there are immense benefits to being in a committed relationship, you can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Expecting another human being to make you happy is placing a huge, impossible burden on their shoulders and setting yourself up for failure.

3. Stop Criticizing Yourself

Do you know people who, in your humble opinion, are not as exciting as you, not as cute or attractive as you, not as smart as you, not as loving and caring as you and probably not even as accomplished as you, and yet they have a great relationship?

These people may not have as much going for them, but they have learned the art of self-love and self-care. The foundation of everything is self-love, self-worth, and self-confidence. You must love yourself before anyone else can love you.

Many people are seeking partners and relationships to complete them because they feel incomplete.

Do you stand in the mirror and say, “Look at my hair! Look at those ugly hips! How on earth will I ever meet someone when I am this short? I have legs like stumps! Why did my nose have to be this wide? My eyes are too far apart! I am destined to be alone!”

Well, if you continue criticizing yourself and putting yourself down, then you can be sure that other people will find it very difficult to see value in you since you are hiding it so well. Before anyone else can know, understand, and love you, you must fall in love with you.

4. To Find True Love, Be Your Own True Love

Science indicates that you must have an innate understanding of yourself and a loving and open relationship with yourself before you can attract your ideal partner. You must first solve the mystery of you before you can be happy in a relationship.

The first step in the journey towards love is learning to love yourself exactly the way you are.

All people have things that they would like to improve about themselves: weight, skin color, face, personality, and, even, habits.

If you focus on what you perceive to be your shortcomings, you will succeed in convincing yourself that you are not worth it and indeed, you will not be deserving of love. How can you learn to love another person when you do not love yourself to begin with?

Learn to look at yourself the way you would a friend. Don’t you accept and love them just as they are? See yourself as a worthwhile, valuable, and lovable person and be kind to yourself even as you work on your shortcomings and pursue your goals.

5. All Great Love Stories Start Inside Your Own Heart

Go inside of yourself and accept everything. The love you accept in your heart will always be a reflection of your deepest beliefs about yourself.

Do you accept abuse in your relationship? Check whether you think you deserve to be treated with dignity or you think you deserve to be disrespected. If you cannot accept and own your weaknesses, mistakes, fears, and flaws, you will never truly love yourself.

Stop judging and denying your flaws, and see yourself as a perfect human being who is full of imperfections — like everyone else. If you haven’t found true love, the likelihood is that something stands in the way — mostly the belief that you are missing something.

6. Find the Missing Parts of You

The answer to happiness and fulfillment is not outside of you. You need to turn your attention inward, explore the past wounds, heal them, and come to terms with your life.

All the joy you need, the thrill that you are looking for, the fulfillment that you crave — you can find all those missing parts by yourself. When you learn to be whole, love will show up.

Stop appealing to imagined, potential partners and enrich your life. Follow your own path and live a life that is meaningful to you. Be in places that you love, do jobs that are exciting, and meet people whose company you enjoy. Then, you will have a better chance of meeting your soulmate.

7. Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are a great way to make you feel worthwhile, complete and lovable.

Write down a few statements: “I am beautiful inside out”, “I attract love wherever I go”, and “I am a kind, gentle person and I am lovable!”

Repeat these statements every morning, and over time, you self-love will start to grow. The only relationship that you can truly count on is the relationship you have with yourself. You are your own ride or die.

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8. Focus on Having Fun

Single events, matchmaking services, and online dating may be enjoyable for some people, but for others, they can feel like high-pressure job interviews. If these activities make you feel desperate and unattractive, you don’t have to put yourself through them.

Instead, you can shift the view of your single life as an excellent opportunity to have fun, participate in new events, and broaden your social circle. By doing things that you enjoy doing in environments that make you happy, you meet new people with whom you share values and interests. This is the easiest way to score yourself a great relationship.

So, rewrite the script of your life.

If you want to find love, make yourself the star of your life. No more hating yourself. No more seeing yourself as incomplete or less than enough. No more struggling to become what you think other people want you to become.

Be you — the best that you can be — and you will be more than enough to attract the love you desire.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Put Down The Dating Apps-If You Want True Love, You Must Do These 8 Things First.

8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate



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APA Reference
Guest Author, P. (2019). 8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 24, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-ways-to-find-yourself-before-looking-for-your-soulmate/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 16 Mar 2019
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Mar 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.